A canonical list of SCs

[Boredom]

...I'll admit I've been guilty of this myself.... not too often...but for christmas and such my family always gives out origami money...I'm just too lazy to unfold it.... ^_^ sorry!

I do it too, even though I hate it

[tropicsgoddess]

It's All ISP's Fault: This SC tends to have obvious problems with THEIR computer but when they're told it's their computer, they refuse to believe you and in turn blame the ISP you work for. This kind tends to keep disagreeing with you even though they don't have the technological expertise to solve the problem themselves no matter what you tell them ad-nauseum.

[Mr. Security]

The Butt-in: These are the people who when your dealing with a problem will come along and butt-in and tell you what you should be doing and what your doing wrong. Almost every time they do this they have no connection to the situation and are butting in well into the problem and have absolutely no clue of what had been happening before they came along. Bonus points if a butt-in complains to your company about you handling a situation that they had no involvement in and that they saw all of 10 seconds of in passing

[crazylegs]

The Magnet

When dealing with two groups of people and you ask one group to remain seperate from the other The Magnet will cling to your side like a leech on steriods making it impossible to go from group to group, The Magnet will normally also be The Butt-In.

[MoonChild2007]

The asshole

The one who attacks you for asking a simple question.

[Digitalpotato]

The Tip Thieves
Steal money from the Tip Jar. Usually pay for food with it.

Those who are too important to park
Stay in their car in front of a supermarket and block the entrance while their wife does the shopping.

The woman who was too important to find a bathroom
Changes diapers on a table.

The Woman with no sense of hear or smell
Doesn't change her baby's diaper at all.

[Wordsworth]

Your Fault, Wrong Number: If you misdial or are given the wrong number, you quickly apologize and move on, right? Not the YF, WN guy...he gives you a lecture for being the wrong number. After all, he could not possibly have hit the wrong button on the phone or written it down incorrectly or been provided this number by mistake! It has to be your fault.

[Lyger]

The Abandonment Issue - This brand of SC wants something put on hold, regardless of whether or not you can actually put an item on hold for anyone. Either way, if said item is put on hold, the customer insists they will be in "bright and early" to pick it up. But "bright and early" does not mean the same thing to The Abandonment Issue as everyone else, as TAI will disappear after said item is put on hold. Or, if they actually do manage to show up, said item will be:

A. Not on hold.
B. Taken off hold.
C. Still on hold, but not the item they wanted all along.

The Endorsement - Similar to The Abandonment Issue, but this SC will have paid for their item that is definitely on hold... and then, never return to claim it. One wonders how someone could forget where they spend their money.

The Locked-On Target - We all know SCs don't read signs. But this SC will actually read signs... just all the wrong ones. Mistaken in believing that advertisements that litter the shelves are price tags, The Locked-On Target will blame the associate (who, of course, had nothing to do with the sign being posted) of false advertising, claiming he would never treat customers in such a way. God forbid suggesting that this SC might have, somehow, made a mistake, lest you subject yourself to even further ranting.

The Name Gamer - This SC knows what they need. They just don't know the name of what they need. Endlessly describing the product with increasingly bizarre or obscure methods is the tool of the trade for the Name Gamer, until both the associate and the Name Gamer themselves are confused. Any suggestions or guesses to what the product might be are quickly debunked, as well. Frustrated, the SC will finally tell the associate to just go away.

[hawksoob]

The "I failed remedial physics" customer:

#1
SC: I need a camera bag to fit 3 DSLR bodies, 2 telephoto lenses, a full-sized tripod, 3 flashes, and a dozen or so filters.
Me: (After a while of looking) This one would do. It's just big enough to fit all that stuff.
SC: That's too big. I want something small I can carry around my waist.

#2
SC: I need this film developed in 15 minutes.
Me: Sorry, it takes an hour.
SC: Can I get it faster if I pay extra?
Me (to self): Sure. I'll tell the machine to wrinkle the fabric of space and time because you paid extra.

The unclear on the concept SC:

#1
SC: Yes, I came in to pick up that stuff I asked for yesterday.
Me: It's not here, yet.
SC: Why NOT! I asked for it yesterday!
Me: Well, I recall telling you that we'd call you when it came in. Did someone call you?
SC: Well, no. But I expect it here now. I'm a good customer. I order this stuff from you all the time and it's usually here the next day.
Me: That's because we usually have it in our warehouse, and we can get it delivered here the next day, no problem. But, as I told you yesterday, we don't have any in stock anywhere at the moment, so we'll have to order it from the manufacturer, and it will take 5-7 days. That's why I told you that we would call you when it comes in.
SC: Do you have any idea how to do your job?!?!?! Did you go to class for this or something, because if you did, you obviously failed. I'm calling your boss!
Me: Please do. Have a nice day.

#2

SC: I would like to buy this telescope, but do you have one new in the box? I don't want this one that's already assembled and on display.
Me: Sure. I'll have to get it from the main store, though. It being Friday, I won't be able to get it until Monday. Unless you want to go there to get it.
SC: No, that's ok. That's too far to drive. (It's 7 miles down the interstate).
Me: That's fine. I'll have it here on Monday.
----fastforward to Monday----
Me: Here's your telescope. Brand new in an unopened box.
SC: Great! Can you assemble for me?


It's interesting that people want a discount for the one on display because it's already assembled, but will offer to pay you extra to assemble the new on out of the box.

[Lyger]

The No-Tow Truck - This customer has bought something big and heavy. Nothing wrong with that. The problem becomes when the No-Tow Truck customer cannot fit the item into their car. The evidence for utter lack of any form of planning is readily apparent to all but the SC, and every ounce of patience must be maintained at all costs. It may be understandable if the large item just barely won't fit, but if the item is twice the size of the trunk, there's no excuse. Bonus fail points if the SC blames the store or the associate.

The Weatherman - Two varieties of this kind of SC exist. One is the Weatherman that will ramble on about the weather, the most pertinent thing they can find to talk about. This type is not particularly bad (in fact, he may even be good), but repeated discussions on the weather get old quickly.

The second version is the SC who will loudly decry as sin the store being wet, dirty or out of stock on an item relating to the weather (sunscreen for sun, umbrellas for rain, cold clothing for snow, etc). This especially comes into play when a disaster (or perceived disaster) is coming, and vital items are out of stock, casting the blame on the associates for putting their family "in danger."

The Nostalgia Critic - He remembers it because you don't want to.

Warped into the present from at least ten years ago, the Nostalgia Critic has no concept of changing store layouts, inflation, evolving store policy, or products being clearanced or simply thrown out. No matter what things were like in the 20th century, though, they were always better, and the store should immediately go back to the way things used to be to placate their delicate-as-thin-ice sensibility.

And who does the Nostalgia Critic choose to blame? You guessed it - the lowly associate. Instead of going to the management or corporate, this SC will loudly voice his berating opinions on someone who not only cannot control whatever it is that fuels his anger, but could, in all likelihood, not care less. After seeing how little his ranting is doing to change the store layout, the Nostalgia Critic will find what he came for, muttering under his breath.

The Non-Parent - The parent of a child who refuses to act like a parent.

Most common is the parent with a newborn baby, with said baby crying with the volume up to 11. The parent could drown out the cries of the infant (and likely, is) while anyone else cannot.

Secondly is the Non-Parent who will simply not watch their child. Prevalent in tech stores, the child will run around freely while the SC discusses the finer points of something with an associate. While one cannot expect a parent to keep their eyes on their kids the entire time, at least some form of discipline or instruction would be necessary. At least, to all but this SC.

Least common, but most dangerous, is the Non-Parent who will leave their child unattended in an area that the child would like (toys, video games, etc). Elsewhere on the board are horror stories of this kind of parent, and for good reason. The Non-Parent is either very naive, very ignorant, very apathetic or very self-absorbed, likely some concoction of all four. They assume the associates and the other customers will watch out for their children for them. Sadly, this does hold some credence, as the store can be sued if a child is injured in the store. That said, calling Child Services on the Non-Parent for abandoning their child sends the message very clearly. Whether or not the Non-Parent learns varies, case-by-case.

In all three cases, the SC will be horrified or enraged that anyone would DARE question their skill as a parent.

[zigcat]

[B]

The Non-Parent - The parent of a child who refuses to act like a parent.

Most common is the parent with a newborn baby, with said baby crying with the volume up to 11. The parent could drown out the cries of the infant (and likely, is) while anyone else cannot.

Secondly is the Non-Parent who will simply not watch their child. Prevalent in tech stores, the child will run around freely while the SC discusses the finer points of something with an associate. While one cannot expect a parent to keep their eyes on their kids the entire time, at least some form of discipline or instruction would be necessary. At least, to all but this SC.

Least common, but most dangerous, is the Non-Parent who will leave their child unattended in an area that the child would like (toys, video games, etc). Elsewhere on the board are horror stories of this kind of parent, and for good reason. The Non-Parent is either very naive, very ignorant, very apathetic or very self-absorbed, likely some concoction of all four. They assume the associates and the other customers will watch out for their children for them. Sadly, this does hold some credence, as the store can be sued if a child is injured in the store. That said, calling Child Services on the Non-Parent for abandoning their child sends the message very clearly. Whether or not the Non-Parent learns varies, case-by-case.

In all three cases, the SC will be horrified or enraged that anyone would DARE question their skill as a parent.

I think you should post this as a reply to this: http://www.planetfeedback.com/barnes...p+noble/317054

[TroubleShot]

Some of my favorites:

I run a business!!! - This customer, with residential service commonly starts calling in at about 10pm, and somehow expects us to be able to repair things remotely over the phone, or, to dispatch a technician this second (often, it's a couple days wait). Oh, but, our terms of service do allow us to cancel accounts for being for commercial use, but, not on a commercial account. Sometimes dropping this hint makes the wait until tomorrow more palatable.

<s>Your service</s> My computer is utter crap! - My absolute favorite, nothing like someone calling in screaming at the top of their lungs about how much we suck, to find out that their circa-1985 80286 may have finally fried, or, that $10 walmart USB ethernet adapter crapped out. Generally won't believe the first person they speak to, and will call back a few more times 'just to be sure', sometimes try to pretend that they haven't called in on the same issue 10 mins ago.

YOU OWE ME!!!! - Customers that expect a free X/Y/Z for not having service for a day. Usually multiply the time they were out by 5, and that's what they want. Can be more, especially if it was their own equipment that died, and they had to pay us to fix it.

I know what the problem is! - Then why call me? Seriously, if you are so sure what the issue is, then fix it! Usually someone that can't get online, demanding high-level settings in things they *really* shouldn't be messing with, unwilling to follow directions, and it turns out to be a splitter, or, better yet, a bad ethernet cable

Help me with X/Y/Z! - Noting that X/Y/Z have nothing to do with us. Sadly, 1/10 of calls seem to be this way... Everything from "Help me (un)install norton!" to "Um how do I fix my monitor?", or "Why won't my computer (sometimes phrased 'internet' so it sounds relevant) turn on?!" none of these have anything to do with your internet, at least as far as we care.

[Digitalpotato]

The Economy Whiner aka "in this economy"
A type of SC who whines about the economy every possible opportunity and uses the economy as an excuse to demand discounts.

[MoonChild2007]

The ungrateful customer- A customer who was out of service for one day and honestly expects us to give them all this credit (I gave a customer credit for 5.72 and she was not happy with that. she expected more credit

[StraxusD]

The Stand-Up Comedian: The customer who busts out with a product/sale/store/industry-related wisecrack that you hear at least once an hour. They are usually mildly offended when you don't laugh hysterically. Example: "Would you like to pay those late fees today?" "Well, I wouldn't like to!" They think they are very witty and original. It is vital that you leave this delusion intact, lest the firm, icy grip of reality crush their fragile spirit.

The Scanner Police: A subcategory of "The Stand-Up Comedian," the Scanner Police like to jokingly suggest that an item that you are unable to scan (or an item that scans improperly) must be free of charge. How very droll.

LMAO, I get at least ten of these people a day. The most common is the "Partial Payer." This person sees the "Is this amount okay?" or "Partial Pay" button on the credit card screen as an opportunity for humor. They usually respond with the ever-so-witty "No this amount is not okay, ha ha," or "Can I pay half, ha ha." Just because we give the customer the option to pay for their stuff with multiple forms of payments, shouldn't cause me to suffer.

Also, my favorite customers:

Mr./Mrs. I don't care if you are talking The customer that sees you talking/helping other customers and insists on interrupting and trying to take you away from the customer you are helping.

Mr./Mrs. I need to be checked out now The customer that doesn't feel that they should have to wait to be checked out if they are done and you are helping another customer before they ever walked up to the register. One time, an endcap display got turned over and I was picking it up so people wouldn't fall/trip and a customer had the balls to come over and tell me they needed to be checked out even though he saw what happened and the mess on the floor. I wanted to punt them in the head.

The Whistler/Clapper If I wanted you to treat me like a dog, I would hop into a kennel. You have legs and a mouth. Walk to me and ask your question, otherwise I will ignore you.

The I need a game system to babysit my kids person Will ask a number of incredibly dumb questions leaving you to wonder why the person would have children if they don't want to have anything to do with them. Usually they ask, "What types of DS/Wii/Xbox/PS3 games do they make for a three year old?" "Do you have any games that don't have any reading in them? My five year old isn't too good at that, yet." "I just need a game to keep them busy, so I can sleep tonight." (This person purchased Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars for a six year old). I don't want to be snooty, but I could read fairly proficiently when I was four. It drives me crazy when people tell me their five/six year still has trouble reading. I have come close to telling customers to purchase books for their children instead of DS games. Also, if your kid is only three, maybe you should spend some time with them or go outside instead of handing them video games.

As a sidenote to above type of SC, when I tell you that the game is fairly advanced and the child may have problems with the game or just not like it, I do not need the whole story about how much of a genius your child is and is much more advanced than other kids. Some games are just complicated and children don't have the best of attention spans.