A canonical list of SCs

[Dorken_Vader]

The "Half a Gallon of Milk Lady"

The "I failed remedial physics" customer:

#1
SC: I need a camera bag to fit 3 DSLR bodies, 2 telephoto lenses, a full-sized tripod, 3 flashes, and a dozen or so filters.
Me: (After a while of looking) This one would do. It's just big enough to fit all that stuff.
SC: That's too big. I want something small I can carry around my waist.

The "Half a Gallon of Milk Lady"

I encountered this fine SC while on a trial basis at a local supermarket,
This lady was a combination of the bag nazi and The "I failed remedial physics" customer: every single item had to be in a separate knotted bag and none of the bags could weigh more than a half gallon of milk. Amongst her items were a whole chicken and a whole gallon of milk! Upon telling the SC this made the weight per bag restriction impossible to meet she continued to insist that no bag weigh more than a half gallon of milk. i grumbled and did my best to comply with her wishes. she then reported me for swearing at her which i did not do. i came very close but i didn't swear at her. i still catch heck for "swearing at her". i wish i had. sufficed to say i did not get the job. Thanks "Half a Gallon of Milk Lady" i didn't want to be a bagger anyway.

[petite]

The Comparison Shopper-keeps saying things like "Well, STAPLES is cheaper."

Ugh. I get these ALL the time. "Why does this item cost so much? I can buy it at the dollar store. And your shipping & handling charges are outrageous!" You don't think I know all this already? But guess what, you're ordering from a mail-order company. If you didn't already figure out that shipping and handling is a necessity for us to, you know, SHIP the order to you, perhaps you should have actually read the order form that explains it in detail. And if you can buy it at the dollar store, why the hell don't you?! I know our items are overpriced junk, but that's not going to change, and complaining about prices isn't going to make (or allow) me to give you a discount. Get off my phone!

The economy made me do it! customers

You know the customers who don't pay their bills on time and get interrupted and pull the economy card. Yeah, what does the economy have to do with paying your bills on time?

These are just terrible. Especially the ones that literally throw a crying fit when you won't just "cancel" their $700 balance. It's not that I'm not sympathetic, I've definitely been broke and I know it sucks. But maybe you should have been more careful before you ordered all this crap. Also, if they knew how many other people had thrown similar fits, they might stop doing this, because guess what... as awkward as you're making this for me, there is simply NO way I can do what you're asking me to without getting fired.

This wouldn't even be so bad if the things they are ordering from our company are totally unnecessary. As in, $50 cakes and $30 dishrags. Maybe you should meet with the Comparison Shopper.

[Digitalpotato]

The Ne'er Do Wells: Customers who act up in the store, shoplift, try to scam the store by returning stolen goods etc. When you kick them out or take appropriate action, they scream that they were not doing anything wrong and that you are being draconian for doing it. Especially common in stuff with ToS, in which the SC will violate the terms of service and then ask why their product is not being replaced or fixed for free. (See: People petitioning Blizzard for their server back because their private server was CaD'd, customers who modded their xboxes asking to be unbanned from XBL)

[Arwyn Q]

"Be my eyes!"

This kind of SC is looking for a particular product or section of the store, usually something pretty simple and obvious. They'll figure out where they're going and know what they need. Then, as soon as they are two steps away from the product they want, within plain sight of it and only need to look up, will come over and ask you to guide them to said product. Extra points if they get insulted when you point at what they wanted because they "could have found that".

This also applies to SCs who know exactly where something would be located, but before they go check, they ask you where said product is even though they're right near it. They might be right next to the hockey equipment, but they're going to ask you where the pucks are, even though you both know that the only logical place would be there. They don't want to waste their valuable time looking for something on their own, and must waste yours instead.

[Sunsetsky]

Where's Mah Meds:
This client will walk into the clinic during the busiest part of the day to pick up medicine. When you ask her/him if he/she called in for it they just huff and ask "Why? Did I have to?". They usually don't like to wait either, especially if their pet hasn't been on their anti-seizure medication for a week.

Booth Bouncer:
This client likes to bounce from booth to booth while they wait to see the vet. They usually can't keep still in one spot for more then two minutes.

The Hoverer:
This client (even after being helped) likes to hover above you while you try to work. When you ask if they have been helped they usually respond with a "Oh yes...I'm just waiting". They are usually the cause of minor discomforts and the reason why some employees hide in the back until they go away.

The Lingerer:
These clients like to make sure they talk to every other client in the lobby. Very difficult to get their attention especially when they are sucked deeply into conversations about doggy training classes or kittens. Impossible to get their attention when you have their bill ready.

[Jamesroe]

The intro offer... erm...person

Takes up the introductory offers than cancels the subscription. Alll well and good and does me not harm, UNTILL they receive their next purschase when they forgot to cancel it.

SC "you didn't notify me it was coming"
ME "we don't tend to because anyone who took up the subscription should want to receive their next purchase, rather than need us to prompt them to cancel it".

SC "Nobody ever told me there would be more sent to me..."
ME "Great, before refunding you we need to verify that, good news; we record every call!"
SC "erm... never mind"

And then after losing so much money in discounted products, refunds, collections etc... the computer just black lists them unless they want to pay full price for something.

SC "What do you mean I can't buy this, I'm a good customer I always buy from you!"
ME "Sir you have taken up 12 introductory offers, cancelled 10 and had all the repeat orders you did receive collected at our cost, we've lost money doing business with you."

Cheap people cause the most problems.

[tropicsgoddess]

The "Hold My Hand!!11" : This SC wants you to stay with them and only them, doesn't want to be put on hold no matter the circumstance. They waste so much time and cause a queue or drive up your handle time and make you do all the little things for them like showing them every little place to click on, where their precious item is in the store or in stock.

The 3 Stages of Grief (Tech Support Module) SC: There's Denial, Anger and Bargaining. The Denial stage SC's tend to say things like "But it was working fiiiine yesterday/ for the past <insert number> years!!!11!!" " It can't be!!" " I don't think that's it!". Then there's the Bargaining SC's the ones that say things like "Well you think we can reset the modem or reboot the computer and it'll work again?" and finally the Anger stage SC's "No, you're wrong! I just got this computer! Its all <company>'s fault!!!!11!!! "

[BoredOp]

King/Queen Fat-Arse

King/Queen Fat-Arse: these SCs absolutely will not lift a finger when it comes to shopping. They sit on their throne(s) and expect you (the employee) to do almost everything for them. If they have to do something for themselves, they whine and moan and throw a tantrum. I once had to deal with a King and Queen Fat-Arse during my call center days, working the phones for a major multichannel retailer and its dot-com operation. Here's roughly how it played out:

BO = yours truly, BoredOp
KF = King Fat-Arse

KF: We want to return this DVD we ordered from you.

[BO and KF go through the usual verification stuff - order number, name, phone number, yadda yadda yadda]

BO: Well, the quickest way to return the DVD is at your nearest store. I see there's one about two miles down the road from you.
KF: But we don't want to do that.
BO: Okay... you can also mail it back to us using the return label that was included in the box with your DVD.
KF: But we don't want to do that.
[BO does a facepalm]
KF: We want you to come down here, pick up the DVD and refund our money right away.
BO: Ummm, your DVD was mailed to you, so you will need to either mail it back to us or bring it back to your local store.
KF: But this DVD came from you, so we expect you to return it for us. It's your DVD, so you're coming down here and taking it back.
[BO starts banging head against monitor]

They'll pick up the phone (or, knowing them, use a speakerphone & voice dialing), call us up, sit in a queue for who knows how long, then argue with me, all in the same amount of time that it would have taken to a) go to the store and return the DVD, or b) put it back in the box and drop it in the mail. I don't even want to know what it takes for these people to do their grocery shopping... or get the local supermarket's peons to do it for them - and prepare the food, AND serve it to King & Queen Fat-Arse on a silver platter.

Makes me glad I'm back in radio... then again, I have some "sort of SC" stories coming soon...

[kateri87]

The But I Work Here's - The fellow employee who assumes that you will break rules and company policy for them just because they work at that store... Um... Doesn't that mean that you know all the rules and have absolutely no reason to think that I would be willing to do that?
-Bonus points if they throw a hissy fit so big that they start crying
-Extra Bonus points if all 3 of the store managers are there as is the regional manager
-Extra Extra Bonus points if several of the other customers clap and tell you that you did a good job

The I can't see the liner's - I work in a fabric store at the cutting station... We have one line in front of the cutting area to go to all 5 cutting stations (only 3 of which are usually used) which are "U" shaped. We frequently get customers that will go put their things down on the back 2 cutting stations, which we can't even see with our peripheral vision, and which other customers will frequently use to lay out their fabrics to decide how much they want of which ones, and then throw HUGE hissy fits if we keep taking people from the (usually very long) line in front of us, rather than knowing that they came up to the table before X customer got to the head of the line.
-Bonus points if you're by yourself at the front right side of the station, and they're at the back left side

[Mr. Security]

The "This is broken, you need to fix this now!" SC: These are the SC's who will come in almost daily and complain that something is wrong or broken in the place you work. Be it the elevator is not working right, a railing is lose, a shelf looks crooked or about to fall etc. Name it and they will say something is wrong with it and that you "Need to call head office right now to fix it!" They are almost always imagining things and just looking for something to complain about



The "Gift giver who never gives":This is the person who comes in on a regular basis and befriends you and tells you that "oh hey I got some extra tickets to *insert random concert or show* do you want them or says "hey when I was on vacation I grabbed you something" but then every time they come in after that they will make excuses on why they don't have them like Oh I left them in the car, I left them at home, my wife accidentally took my car that has them in it etc. they will keep making excuses for something you never asked or expected them to give you in the first place

[coolbeanie]

The "I'm Impatient But I Don't Know What I Want" customer.

Right now, I work in a deli in a supermarket. These people drive me nuts. These people walk right up to the case, say "Excuse me!" or "Hello!!!" and when I walk up to the case they have no idea what they want! What is so damn important that I have to drop what I'm doing but you have no idea what you want, and then take 10 minutes to decide? Nothing!

[leesyITFC]

What would you call a customer who expects you to help them after your shift despite you telling them that you have to catch a train in 10 minutes?

[Marmalady]

When they say 'I know your manager' - is 'Really? So do I!' an appropriate response?

[sweetj82]

i had but i know your manager customer on friday.


complete ownage b/c he was standing right behind me and she didnt even know it

[Marmalady]

how about 'disappointed' ?