A canonical list of SCs

[Slynka]

The YouCanReadMyMindRight? Customer
*Answers phone and give opening shpeal*
SC: Hi....
Rep: Hi.... Can I help you?
SC: I have a question..........
Rep: (after about 5 seconds) ...Ok? What's your question?
SC: Umm.... *Proceeds to ask silly question that they could have answered themselves if they would read for 2 seconds)

[Yarnil]

I believe I didnt see this one:


The "I allready done that"

I do telephonic support on money counting machines. I try to troubleshoot the problems with the xustomer so the machine is operational again asap.

A lot of customers interrupt my attempt of getting the machine back online with the phrase: "I allready done/tried that, send an engineer out" When the engineer gets there, they almost every time prove that the customer didnt do squat. The machine might be offline for 6-8 hours for a 2 second swap of a coinrail.

[MyNameIsn'tSweetie]

Not sure if this one has made it...

The Fount of Information: When asking a required question, this customer refuses it, and gives several ... factual ... reasons why they won't. Such as "If you use a loyalty card, the court will pull all the records to see if you ever bought beer during your divorce!!

[Meatdeptguy]

The second opinioner(my made up word)-The person who doesn't like your answer and walks around the store asking every other employee who either says the same thing, or referrs them to you

I really dislike 2nd opinioners. Never heard the term before

[Mr. Security]

The "You Lie!!!111!!!" SC: When you tell the SC something they don't want to hear, they think you're lying to them, argue with you and rant about how you don't know what you're doing and they either demand a: another rep or b: a supervisor.

I have a small variation on this


The "Racist You Lie!!!111!!!" SC: When you tell the SC something they don't want to hear or tell them they can't do something, they will argue with you and rant about how you don't know what you're doing and if you are a different ethnicity they tell you you don't belong in the country among other racist comments and then demand a supervisor and when the racist comments are brought up they will flat out deny that they said them and say that the employee was lying and making up things

[tropicsgoddess]

The Beating The Dead Horse For Merchandise Not In Stock SC: This SC will keep asking you the same question (s) over and over again expecting that their beloved merchandise will be in stock or launched today (and OMFG can't wait 11!!) but you can't answer because of no information on when something will be in stock or launched and that you have no control over it because they are too damn impatient or stupid to understand the words: launch date, out of stock or discontinued.

The Kiss My Ass SC: This SC demands you to grovel at their feet, kiss their ass, beg for them to stay with <Company Name> by matching their unreasonable EWish demands and if nothing can be done they will keep beating the dead horse about how <Competing Company> is better than <Company Name> until they can get what they want through you, management or in some cases: Retention despite the fact that more than 50% of the time they can't get what they want and 100% of the time big companies could give two shits since they could get more new customers anyway.

[Automan Empire]

Quoth April
The second opinioner(my made up word)-The person who doesn't like your answer and walks around the store asking every other employee who either says the same thing, or referrs them to you /quoth



I really dislike 2nd opinioners. Never heard the term before

I call these the Mom Says No So Go Ask Dad SC. You can bet, though, that they are outraged when their own kids pull the stunt.

[tropicsgoddess]

You're Not Helping Me!!!!111!! SC: This SC spouts off that you're not helping them and keeps on ranting and raving at you about the company and how "unhelpful you are!!!1111!!" despite the fact that you exhausted all options within your policy and procedures of the company because A: They're being stubborn and/or stupid when you try and tell and/or show them what they can do. B: They expect you to just magically do or give them what they want like some Genie and get pissed when you can't meet their demand (s). C: All of the above.

[Bagboy]

Dog- An old guy who has done some drugs in the past and is a raging alcoholic. Has warranted a call to the hospital's psych ward in the past. A typical thing Dog says:

"Oh you can push by me, because I'm the dog!"

[guitardude1987]

Drunk Driver
This sub-species of SC always shows up in the drive through reeking of booze and cigarettes. He's cranky, hard to understand, and likes to play games of "keep away" with his money. Hopefully, should you encounter this specimen, you will be in an area where the police actually give two shits and once given Drunk Driver's license plate number will do their job and arrest this guy once you call the police station.

[TheITGuy]

Too Dumb For Unemployment: this (not technically) a customer, but someone who was in the shop, requested an employment application which was happily provided along with the factual notice: 'I can take your application, but I don't think we're hiring right now.' This person's delightful response: 'That's OK, I just need to turn it in to keep my unemployment.' So, you want to keep sucking up my tax money to sit on your backside while I'm working a job?

[Kitten in the box]

The what time do you open customer: the person that stands outside the door and does this amazing dance to get your attention. when you do notice them they ask what time you open when the time is posted on a sign at BOTH enterance doors at eye level.

The shop for me: This customer asks you to shop with them; in reality they want you to shop FOR them. Happened to me several times

The non believer: This person does not believe you on the price of said items even though it comes up on register or if you take them to the product and show them the price. Nor do they believe you if you do not have it in stock.

[Clover]

I have had this happen on more than one occasion:

SC: "I'll have a margarita."
ME: "May I see your ID please sire?
SC: "Are you serious? "Man, I'm a cop!"
ME: "Then you should KNOW I have to do this!"

And yes, I DO say that last line when cops question me when I am doing something that the law requires me to do.

If you look 30 or under, I am required by STATE LAW to ask for your ID. If you don't have it, you aren't getting any alcoholic drinks. And I don't care if you are a cop, with the liquor board, in city government, someone famous, a parent with kids (you don't have to be 21 to have kids, people!), or that your parents who are with you will "vouch" for you. The STATE LAW does not allow me to take those things into consideration, and frankly, your inconvenience/surprise is not a higher priority to me than my job/a fine/a court date.

Any questions?

Hah, I should use that last line-I once carded a uniformed cop who came in with his much older partner to buy cigarettes. He stared at me in disbelief when I asked him for ID while his partner was laughing his head off.

Cop1: Wha...but I'm a cop.
Me: Yes, I can see that, and that's nice. May I see your ID?
Cop1: Are you serious?
Me: Yes.
Cop1: No, really.
Me: Sir, if you don't show me your ID I can't sell you these cigarettes.
Cop2: *snickering*

He finally showed me his ID, which if he'd just had it ready in the first place then we wouldn't have had that problem. As law enforcement, shouldn't he, I dunno, KNOW the law?!

[Jay 2K Winger]

He finally showed me his ID, which if he'd just had it ready in the first place then we wouldn't have had that problem. As law enforcement, shouldn't he, I dunno, KNOW the law?!

He may KNOW the law, but he clearly thinks "I am a cop, therefore I AM the law," while forgetting that he is not Judge Dredd and still has to OBEY the law.

[tropicsgoddess]

The "Ya Darn Kids! Git Off Mah Lawn!!" SC: This SC is the stereotypical crotchety senior citizen that rants and raves about how people are always out to take advantage of the elderly, how the "newfangled" technology is stupid and that the good ol' days were better, longing that we revert back to the good ol' days and talks your ear off for lengthy periods of time with their lengthy rants.