A canonical list of SCs

[Canadian In Maine]

I should just go back to Canada!

[Lace Neil Singer]

There are stupid people all over the world, sadly.

[Mixed Bag]

SC: "I'll have a margarita."
ME: "May I see your ID please sire?
SC: "Are you serious? "Man, I'm a cop!"
...
If you look 30 or under, I am required by STATE LAW to ask for your ID.

I'm no expert but I would think most, if not all, police forces require that officers be 21. I'm not saying this to suggest their status means you shouldn't card them, but if you find they're underage, will you report them for impersonating a police officer?

[Lace Neil Singer]

I'm no expert but I would think most, if not all, police forces require that officers be 21. I'm not saying this to suggest their status means you shouldn't card them, but if you find they're underage, will you report them for impersonating a police officer?

Hey, they could be a stripper.

But don't suggest this to their faces please.

[Dips]

How did I miss this thread?

Here are some of mine:

The Yammerbot-An extreme version of the Blatherer, but doesn't ever stop to breath. Must be a robot.

The Justified-This SC feels he can justify any unreasonable or nonsensical behavior by uttering the words, "It's the priciple of the matter."

The Needy-This SC, when confronted with that fact that what he wants isn't available or possible will come back with, "But I need it!"

This is actually a spell which will turn the impossible into the possible or make the desired object appear in thin air. The spell only works when the word "need" is spoken with a drawn-out nasal whine. If the inflection on the whine is off, even a little, the spell won't work. That is why The Needy SC will repeat it multiple times.

The Speculator-The Speculator is a time-consuming bore. He can see into many possible future timelines simultaneously and wants to be prepared for all of them. He will start most sentences with "But, what if..." and finish with the whatever vision of a future timeline he is seeing that moment.

The speculator always starts with the most statistically probable timeline. For example, "But what if my battery won't hold a charge?"

It is best to be very vague with the Speculator because answering his questions will only encourage him to have more visions of progressively more unlikely timelines, such as, "But what if I lose my phone and my sister, who was on the account two years ago somehow figured out my password, and makes a call, but the battery dies, then she accidentally drops it in the pool, but it doesn't stay in there long because the dog fishes it out, only he chews on for a while before my grandfather finds it and...."

[Banrion]

The Stroker -picks your brain for hours on end about some expensive product just to go buy off ebay or newegg.

semi-guilty. When it was time for my b/f and I to buy a laser printer, I did my research and narrowed my options to 3. Unable to differentiate the 3 sheerly by online specs, we went to BB who happened to carry all 3 models, and printed test pages for comparison purposes. Then went home and bought off e-bay for $300.00 less than BB. We did not waste any employee's time though.

[Ducky]

The PhD Holder -

Me: "I'm sorry, but I cannot waive your late charge, since we've already waived fifteen others in the past couple of years."
SC: "Sir, I'm a doctor, I have a PhD from <insert name of Ivy League School here>, and I have pristine credit, and cannot have this on there. You will remove it."
Me (inside): PhD my ass. You would then know to get your payment in time.

I usually tell them again that I cannot do it and will gladly transfer them to a supervisor to take it up with them.

So you have a PhD, big freakin deal!


My Personal Favorite:

The Spouse From Hell:

Example 1

Me: Can I verify your name, address, and phone number?
SC: *gives name on account, but no theirs.* <female voice> My name is Greg XXXX, and I live at...
Me: I'm sorry, what was your name?
SC: <female voice, again> Greg.
Me: Ok, <i>Greg</i>, and how can I help you?
SC: Well, actually, I'm his wife, and...
Me:

Why didn't you say that the first few times I asked for your info!


Example 2

Me: Can I verify your name, address, and phone number?
SC: *verifies their info*
Me: I'm sorry, I don't see your name on the account, is Mr. XXXX available?
SC: He's my husband.
Me: Can I speak with him?
SC: Why can't you speak with me? I'm his wife, and I pay all of his bills!
Me: *recites Federal Privacy Act to SC*
SC: I'm the one who pays his bills, I'm his wife.


I don't care if you're the freaking President of the United States calling in, if it's not your account, I can't legally speak with you on it! Duh!

[dragonflygrrl]

I have some:

Quick Question Guy: This is the guy that walks up to an obviously busy sales rep who is currently helping someone else, says, "I just have a quick question," and proceeds to ramble for thirty minutes about nothing in particular while the customer whose turn it actually is does a slow burn. I never even answer the quickest of questions anymore. If it isn't your turn, you will wait for it to be your turn, then I will answer any question you want.

Knows How Sales Work Guy: This is the guy that acts like he has an innate understanding of sales, and every time you try to suggest an accessory or plan add-on that would benefit him says, "Hey there, quit trying to sell me!" and smiles like he knows your secret. My secret is that I hate you. I'm bad at keeping secrets. Buy, don't buy, get out of my face with that smug grin.

Blinded by the Sales Rack Guy: This guy comes in needing a case for his phone, and tries vainly to force his new, current-model phone into a case that is clearanced at $2 because we don't make that phone anymore. Heaven forbid you buy the one that fits for $10!

I Don't Want to Spend a Lot Guy: This is the guy that obviously wants a nice, high end phone, but in an effort to save money decides to go with a free phone that he will come to despise. I know it, he knows it, everybody knows it, but nonetheless he is feeling virtuous today and will have the free phone. He will then attempt to return it after the return period is over.

Not Smart Enough for a PDA Guy: This guy is too stupid to understand a BlackBerry, has no earthly use for a BlackBerry, and will never, ever, be able to figure out how to pair a Bluetooth headset to his BlackBerry. Nonetheless, he is bound and determined to own one. He will be back at least fifteen times because his BlackBerry "doesn't work," and finally will attempt to return it at least three weeks after the return period ends, even though he has been informed on his fifteen previous visits that the return period ends in x days. He will then swear in an angry (and dumb) rage to never set foot in our store again, but don't believe him. He'll be back, and this time he'll want the new smart phone.

Disclaimer: The word guy is used as a catch-all term for person, and is not meant to indicate that all my sucky customers are in fact male. At least half of them are women, and they suck too.

[Dips]

I almost forgot:

Sentence Fragment Barker-The SC cannot use a full sentence in any of his communications. In stores he will bark out a word or two like "Milk!" or "Customer service desk!" or "Cash Back!"

Sentence Fragment Barkers are also fond of composing cryptic emails with more punctuation marks than words:

"ACTIVATION Code??????? NOW!!!!!!!!"

I like composing very VERY long-winded replies to the Sentence Fragment Barker's emails. If he's lucky the answer he wants will be in there, but he's going to have to read the whole thing to find it.

[Mark Healey]

I can't believe I didn't put this on my first list. Someone mentioned this type in another theread and i feel like a complete bonehead for not mentioning him.

Lawyers.

Is there any other vocational degree that makes people think that they are experts on everything.

[Jester]

I'm no expert but I would think most, if not all, police forces require that officers be 21. I'm not saying this to suggest their status means you shouldn't card them, but if you find they're underage, will you report them for impersonating a police officer?

No, because I don't happen to know or be an expert on police department hiring practices. But flashing a badge at me or just stating you are a cop does not mean you ARE a cop OR that you are of legal drinking age.



And an addendum to this, which happened just the other day.....two older ladies (i.e., I don't need to card them) and a youngish guy come in, sit down, order drinks. I ask the dude for his ID, he gives it to me. It was an Arizona ID, one I had not seen before, and quite sincerely I said, "Wow...new Zona ID. Haven't seen this one before. Looks nice!" And it did. And when I happened to turn it over, I saw why I had not seen it before. Printed on the back were these fine words: "Not a government issued identification." Translation: Anyone could have made this, but it ain't legal. The following conversation ensued:

ME: "I'm sorry sir, I can't accept this."
SC: "Why not?"
ME: "It's not a government issued ID."
SC: "What do you mean?" He knows perfectly well what I mean.
ME: "Right here on the back it says that it is not a government issued ID. I can only accept state issued ID's."
SC: "It's the only one I have with me."
ME: "I'm sorry, but I can't serve you alcohol if that is all you have."
SC: [annoyed] "You mean I can be in the Army, fight in Iraq, and still not be able to get a beer?"
ME: "I'm sorry sir. I respect what y'all do, but I operated under very strict liquor laws, and if you have no other ID, I cannot serve you alcohol. I respect you, but I am not going to jail for you."

And so it went. Actually had to reprimand the dude later for drinking from his aunt's beer. If you don't have ID, you CAN'T be doing that.

He told me some story about he lost all his stuff, including his U.S. Armed Forced ID card (which I CAN accept for alcohol purchases) just the last week in Germany.

Interesting. The ONLY ID not taken was this non-government issued ID. His driver's license is gone. His USAFID is gone. But this ID, that generally people only buy if they are, oh, I don't know, UNDERAGE, this was not with the rest of his stuff. Riiiiiiight.

Where are those damn yaks of mine?

[I_Hate_SCs]

My list of types of SCs, some from previous pre-hack incarnations of this board:

1. The Backroom Shopper: Will go down every (almost) fully replenished aisle and want the one item that is sold out. They ask if its in the back, and it isn't. A lot of the times they simply coincidentally need that one item that we're out of, but the worst of these type of SCs purposefully go down every aisle and bug the nearest employee for an item when they find an empty space. It doesn't matter what the item is...it could be an anal depository or the tackiest home decor item that would never sell even at a 99% clearance markdown, you know this type of SC will ask for some out of the back.

2. The 'This must be a very high end dept store' expectant customer: They grab you in the middle of a department, at least 100 feet away from the registers, hand you their purchases, and ask to be rung up, and that they will take a bag for their items, expecting you to pull a register out of your ***. Or, they pull out their shopping list, rattle off a few things they need, then pause and give you an expectant look when you don't run off to get the items for you. They also might snag you in the clothing department expecting you to get their measurements and get clothing specially tailored to them, or attempt to ask you to fit them for a bra (bonus points if you are a male like I am) This is Target, not Macy's or a similar store where they might do some of those things!

3. The 'You must know everything, you work here' customer: These are the type who pull you out of your clothing department and expect you to have expert knowledge on gas grills, auto care products, or the inner workings of microwaves. They seem to be appaled that, as an employee of a big box retail store, you aren't thoroughly trained on EVERY product you sell, regardless of the department, and think it is depressing that you can only read off the product's boxes when they ask how it works, etc.

4. The 'convenience english' customers: They ask for help in perfect english, obviously understand you when you greet them, etc. But when you tell them the item is out of stock, must be purchased at another store, is more expensive than they want (anything not in their favor), they act like they cannot understand you. Of course after they walk away, they start talking perfect english with whomever they were with.

5. The Call Button customers: They press the call buttons for fun, and when you approach them in the 20-30 second timeframe that you're measured on when the button is pressed, they act all uppity that you got there so quick. They then complain that they didn't want any help, and simply wanted to see if the buttons worked. Uh yes, the buttons indeed DO work ... although if we had our way they'd be non-functioning and just there for looks.

[Ringtail Z28]

Toy Collectors. These types usually collect Hot Wheels or Star Wars stuff. They come in just as the store opens and will down every toy on display looking for that one they don't have in their collection. After they're done doing that they'll annoy employees into bringing cases out of the stock room for them to pick through. They frequently smell bad too.

[chainedbarista]

SC: [annoyed] "You mean I can be in the Army, fight in Iraq, and still not be able to get a beer?"

yep, they accept them at 18 (17 with parents signature), so yes, to the above.

another case of 'poor pitiful me in action.' when all else fails, try to use a scenario that should induce sympathy and beer handouts.

[bars.of.a.rhyme]

The Stand-Up Comedian: The customer who busts out with a product/sale/store/industry-related wisecrack that you hear at least once an hour. They are usually mildly offended when you don't laugh hysterically. Example: "Would you like to pay those late fees today?" "Well, I wouldn't like to!" They think they are very witty and original. It is vital that you leave this delusion intact, lest the firm, icy grip of reality crush their fragile spirit.

The Scanner Police: A subcategory of "The Stand-Up Comedian," the Scanner Police like to jokingly suggest that an item that you are unable to scan (or an item that scans improperly) must be free of charge. How very droll.

The Conspiracy Theorist: This super-aware customer knows exactly what you're about. He knows that you are going to take down his credit card number to buy something off of eBay, and he is ready. Would he like to donate a dollar to end hunger, cure cancer, grant wishes for terminally ill children, or facilitate Katrina relief efforts? Of course not, he's no fool. He is fully cognizant of the fact that his "donation" will end up in your pocket at the end of the night. He also knows that you will use it to buy vodka. Try all you like, you can't fool him. He is onto your little game.

The Bullhorn: Stands in the corner of the store farthest from your till and shouts a question to you. This person will be very annoyed and put out at your "lack of customer service" if you don't hear her. He or she will also be quite irritated if you do not materialize in front of her in under three seconds. Physically walking to the customer is frowned upon...it is necessary to transport yourself there, like in Star Trek. Right now. This instant. This defintion can also be applied to customers in big boxes and department stores by replacing the word "store" with "department."