A canonical list of SCs

[Jay 2K Winger]

The "Special" Individual: This is usually middle aged slightly mentally challenged individual who is not employed, gets a monthly disability check, and has nothing else to do but take the bus to the mall everyday and wander through your store. He insists on applying for a credit card or cell phone contract during every visit, which is always turned down. But mostly he just follows you around the store, talking and trying to get you to demonstrate every product for him. He is also oblivious to the fact that you have duties other than entertaining him. He will continue to talk as you are attempting to help real customers and will even try to follow you to the stock room/bathroom/lunch.

We have someone like this at our store. She's actually quite advanced in the years, and I believe she's probably suffering from Alzheimer's. She comes in just about every day with her past-middle-age son, and is actually quite, quite friendly, but you can't stop her from rambling on about whatever. If she sees someone buying Product X, she'll stop them and ramble in her quiet old lady mumble about how it's a really good purchase, really it is, you're going to be so happy with it, I saw it on TV, etc.

She's also claimed to be, variously, "the boss' mistress" (which turned out to be hilarious in and of itself later, when I found out he was gay), "I'm your grandmother" (really? So you're living proof of life after death? 'Cuz both my grandmothers have died), whatever.

She also thinks she's friends with a coworker of mine, who now will actually try to HIDE from her when she sees her come in the store. Little Old Lady will stand at my coworker's demo station for almost an hour, trying to chat with her, while my friend will try to humor her, while secretly wishing she would go away. Little Old Lady will also SEARCH THE ENTIRE STORE to find my friend, including going upstairs to the management offices (despite numerous employees and managers telling her she's not allowed up there) or into the employee break room (despite being told she's not allowed in there).

I was quite nice to her for a while until one day, as we were joking as I was totalling up her order, I said -- in a clearly joking tone of voice -- that she was a "crazy old lady." She suddenly got quite upset and angry, and even tried to hit me in the head. A week later, however, she was back to her cheerful self, and had no memory of the incident at all.

[SweetMimura]

Has The Giggler been mentioned? Usually found in groups of two or more, Gigglers usually hang around various departments giggling at items on display and making stupid comments. They're a pain in the arse when you're trying to tidy up.

[elysia]

The But I Just Need

For whatever reason, helping this type of SC is beyond your control because:
* you are closed
* you are not the correct department
* youare closed
* you are not the correct company
* you are clocked out
* you are closed
* you do not know how to answer their question
* you do not provide the service/product they are requesting/you are out
OR
* you are closed

No amount of explanation of any said reasons why you cannot help this SC will achieve any common understanding and communication will not be established via the use of verbal language. Their response will invariably counter your reasoning beginning with:

"But I just need...."

[smileyeagle1021]

I have a SC to add to the list

the night crawler
these people only come out at night... they will call in and ask 20 million different useless and stupid questions before deciding that either they love the hotel but the rate is too high, or they love the hotel, the rate is ok, but they want to book online, or they had already made the reservation online and wanted to make sure they weren't going to have buyers remorse... these people will get extremely hostile when we in CRS don't know things about the area that probably the people at the hotel wouldn't necessarily know.

[Zarhirra]

30 Minutes Or It's Free: Unique to the delivery world, these are the customers who insist that they shouldn't have to pay for their pizza/chinese/etc. because it has been longer than expected. This can be the 45 minutes to an hour quoted by a CSR or the 30 minute guarantee that went out of style long ago but has been brought back into the moron's mind by Domino's "You've Got 30 Minutes" commercials. Never mind that those same commercials also say "-Only an estimate, you may get more." Bonus points if it's only been 20 minutes and the customer claims it's been over an hour.

But Surely You're Psychic (Delivery division): My worst experience as a delivery driver was because of one of these. My store's delivery area is roughly a 10-mile radius, with the farthest pocket of civilization being an 18-mile round trip. I took a delivery to this farthest pocket to what I can only think of as the Dream Trailer: a pre-fabbed single-wide built up on stilts against a cut-away face of a hill, complete with extremely expensive freight elevator and zig-zagging ramps. Thankfully the guy inside saw me coming and came out to talk to me and saved me the trip up because his brother Bubba (that was the name on the delivery tag, swear to the gods) had placed an order to his home address, which the CSR had verified with him as his address, assuming I would call him to verify it AGAIN, at which point he would tell me the address he was REALLY at, which was 5 minutes away from the next store over and a long drive away from my store's delivery area, rather than telling the CSR where he was so that the order could go to the right store. I understand that there are customers who know delivery folk are supposed to call and make sure we're not leaving to meet a burglar... But that rarely happens at all, much less during the dinner rush for an established customer who also apparently knew the delivery areas, as his brother said at one point "You're by Azle, she's from the Lake Worth store. ...Then why didn't you call Azle?" Very long drive for no good reason.

[KhirasHY]

I posted a bunch way back (page 13 or 14?), but I had one to add...

The Forlorn - You meet them at the bar, by your car, on the street, at your job, they're everywhere: the drunks. They have no purpose, they stumble absently (usually into stationary objects, and eventually into you) and wander the land. When you speak to them, they take the simplest of messages and convert it into a strange riddle, which they seem to think they can translate by squinting at you and giving you their best attempt at a look that says "What'd you say to me!?" Unfortunately, due to their mental state, the words sound off in their brain like "Whasha do me?" Even more unfortunately, when the same words leave their mouths, they come out as nothing more than "Shashabu da bee." Congratulations, you have now embarked upon the most confusing 5 minute conversation of your life.

[MoonChild2007]

The people who say "they always pay their bill" customers-

Except the fact that they have been disconnected for nonpay, interrupted for non-pay, has a $500+ bill (mostly due to not paying their whole balance every single month) and have the gall to say how their bill is too high and want me to lower it

The Blame it on the other employee customers.-

I had a customer who could not get her remote to lower the volume (which was "working" before) . She told me that the volume on her box was not working but her remote worked so the employee before me told her to do something with her remote and now the volume on her remote is not working. I have no clue what happened so i basically helped her with her remote. still didn't work. i told her to exchange her remote. She was upset and went off blaming the company as well as the employee who helped her before.

Here is what i should have said to her: "Look, if your remote was working before, why did you bother calling us to complain that the volume on the box was not working?" If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

[Rattslinger]

The Book Keepers The people who don't keep records of their activities with your company concerning anything monetary.

ie "Did I use a Visa or Mastercard to pay last time? What day was that on? What was the amount? How many times have I used that card to pay you? What days where those payments made on? What were the amounts of those payments on those days? Who made the payments with that card? What exactly where on each of those orders that were paid for?, etc., etc., etc.

The Checkers The people who call in to check on an order that was placed earlier that day or the day before. They want to know what's going on with the order, when it's being shipped, etc.

[MattW]

Sorry if this one has been mentioned already...

In the late 1990s I worked weekends at a DIY chain store. The corporate uniform was a bright orange 'apron', so we employees were easily identifiable.

It did not stop the endless opening question from customers: 'Do you work here?' Oh, the temptation to come back with a witty response was overwhelming -'No sir, the Doctors at the nearby mental hospital allow me to come here at weekends and prance around the store in the uniform'

[RetailActress]

Last-Minute Lollygagger

This person has a shocking time-management problem.

She takes her sweet-ass time browsing in slo-mo around your store, then tries on 50 million different combinations of tops 'n' bottoms in both Misses and Petites sizes. None of them is quite right, so all this activity is conscientiously serviced by YOU .... running back & forth with different sizes and styles for her and pandering to her stupid questions ("Do you think anybody else on my Alaskan cruise will be wearing this same jacket?" "If I put this in the dryer and it shrinks, can I return it?" "If these pants don't match the toenail polish I choose for my next pedicure, can I get a cash refund even though I paid with Discover?")

You're thinking, wow, I sure wish I had the sheer volume of leisure time that this broad spends on selecting a few casual clothes.

BUTALLOFASUDDEN she has to go!!!!!! OMG!!! She has to immediately pick up her grandson from school! Or she has to immediately be at a medical center 12 miles away for her colonoscopy!! Or she has to immediately drive to the airport to pick up her hubby, except the airport is 30 minutes distant and it's now RUSH HOUR!!! HURRY!!!! Why does it take so long to check out??!! Your registers are SO STUPID AND SLOW!! No, no, I don't want to give you my name for your silly mailing list -- I don't have time - I HAVE TO GO -- NOW!!! WHAT - you actually have to SWIPE my CARD?? I don't have time!!!! NOW WHAT? You want me to actually SIGN - with a PEN??? I GOTTA GO!!!! Gimme that stuff - don't need wrapping or bagging --- I'M LATE!!!

She finally blows out of your store, and you just want to SHAKE OFF that experience HARD, like a dog.

[Rayndel2]

The Forgetful: Forgets anything they said that could prove them wrong, that makes them seem stupid, or puts them at a disadvantage.

[MoonChild2007]

The "Hello? Hello?" customers- I could understand customers saying hello when I first introduce myself but I can't STAND those customers who will say hello
right after I explain something and have to repeat myself!

The wait until my bill is high to complain customers- I could understand customers who have been paying $124 a month who has been PAYING ON TIME but then it shoots up to $160 being upset but don't be calling us wondering why the bill is high if you haven't made PAYMENTS or you have been paying a measly $50. They automatically assume if they have a bill for $150 and pay only $60 that the other $90 will just disappear! Come on. My bill happens to be about $300.00 and even I know my bill is that because I missed a payment! They even go out and blame cablevision for their bill being higher and higher.

Those people who wait until 5 months to a year later to complain about an order on the account

Yesterday, I had a person complain about a PPV order on her account. I looked
over the account and it was added LAST YEAR and she is just NOW complaining about it. Why can't customers look over their bill EVERY single month and question it if there is a strange order on the account.

My favorite customers of all time and I am sure everybody has dealt with it.

But I was told... customers.

I just can't stand those customers! Especially when the conversation wasn't even documented! I blame the rep more than I do the customer on that one, though.
Actually, what really bugs me is how the customers will ask ME why the OTHER rep said that. How the hell should I know? I WAS NOT THERE! I will probably tell them that its because maybe the rep was told that AT THE TIME. Things change, especially if its over a month ago!

Boy, I have a lot more but i will finish later.

[Exodus212]

Captain-I-Know-Everything-So-Shut-Up: The person who obviously knows how to do whatever you are doing twelve times better than you, yet quietly says that you can keep doing it.

Logic Hater: The person who you are arguing with, who, when you obviously prove them wrong, either says something sarcastic, or yells at you to shut up.

Both come from experiences my dad has had.

[tropicsgoddess]

Deal Or No Deal: This SC comes into the dealership expecting to get the best deals in financing a new car, despite their craptacular credit history. They insist on getting that deal and the car they want and refuse to accept a pre-owned/used car or any other deal that is offered to them because it's not to their terms. Some of these SC's go to multiple dealerships expecting to get that deal, despite numerous rejections.



I Want It All, But I Want To Pay Next To Nothing: This SC expects to get a new car with all the features and pay the same price they would for the same car with basic features.



The Faker: This SC claims how they have a great credit history, but once they walk in the dealership and have their credit history pulled, it is the complete opposite of what they claimed it to be.

[Ghel]

Sucky Banking Customers

Here's some of the SCs I see at the small-town midwestern bank where I work as a CSR:

The Happy Drunk: Comes in to the bank 4 or 5 times a day, always smelling like alcohol to make another withdrawal from his savings account (because we're not stupid enough to give him a checking account) before heading back to the bar.

The Southern Belle wannabe: Calls all the employees "Honey," "Darling," and "Sweetheart."

The Rate Shopper: Calls every bank within an hour drive and expects us to match the best rate they found, even if the bank with the highest rate isn't in our market.

Free Samples: Asks the tellers if we're giving out free samples of money today. Thinks they're being clever.

Banking as a Replacement for a Social Life: Comes in for a transaction that should take less than a minute, but sits/stands there for the next hour talking to you about any old thing (often their latest medical ailment or slamming whoever recently died in town). This type frequently goes from employee to employee, often repeating the same boring story to each. I can usually get rid of these by asking, "is there anything else I can do for you?" Only the really bad ones don't get the hint.

The Amnesiac: This SC (techically, according to banking regulations, this person is a "consumer" - they're only a "customer" if they have an account relationship with us) comes in to open a checking account or apply for a loan, claiming to have a perfect financial record. But when you pull their credit bureau report, they've had an account closed by another bank (for a checking account) or they have multiple judgments and charged-off loans (for a loan). Responses to being told this usually fall into two categories: 1. disavows all knowledge of the events, or 2. they "thought that was taken care of."

The Commuter: Lives in a town 20 miles away, works in a town 35 miles away, but wants to open an account with us. Is this because you've already had accounts closed on you by every other bank within a 40-mile radius?

The Abrupt Retreat: This person (once again, not a customer according to banking regs) comes in at two minutes to close on a Friday afternoon to open an account with a questionable check and flimsy identification. When I explain the background check required and the hold I'll have to place on their funds, they make some lousy excuse not to open the account. These fraudsters are so transparent, it's almost funny.