A canonical list of SCs

[laurenam83]

the fake soccer mom: she drives a mini-van full of her kids and everyone else's. then she drops them off by pulling up and speeding off, to return hours later after the kids have destroyed the store and annoyed you to death. she then returns them to their respective homes and never says what she was really doing in that time.

mr. crazy/lazy eyes: always has something wrong with his eyes and wants to talk to you until you really have NOTHING you can possibly say to him in whatever eye you think might be the "right one". he also has really weird questions that usually have nothing to do with the product that you sell.

rascal grandpa: rolls into your store, takes up ALL the aisle space, asks where the shoes are, and then realizes he's 5 stores down from where he needs to be. you have to yell for him to hear you tell him that.

[Banthor the Unruly]

[no handle for this one]. - A lonely person who insist on hanging in the store and engaging you in conversation about his weird obsession.

How about "The Conversation Bomber" or "The Shut-in"

I have a few myself:

The Tag-Liner : Customers who says all the dumb ass lines you have already heard a thousand time before, like "I just printed it this morning" when you use a counterfeit pen on the $100 bill they gave you, or "Well, then I guess it's free then!" when the UPC does not scan in.

The Off Duty Eagle-Eye: A customer who sees you in plain cloths when you are off duty and still expects you to help them.

The Tenyeared Customer: A customer who will tell you IN DETAIL how much they have purchased in the past, when you tell them you can not make an exception.

The Mystery War Veteran: I have nothing but respect for those who defend my country, but just because you say you were in the army does not mean you are not lieing. Especially when you want 500 cases of paper towels delivered to you BEFORE you pay for them, this is your first order with the company, and I'm the fourth person you have tried to guilt the order through, THIS MORNING.

[RetailActress]

THE CARETAKING RETURNER

THE CARETAKING RETURNER is an otherwise kind soul who is the daughter, son, friend, in-law, or caregiver of an elderly, possibly incapacitated nursing home resident for whom this particular clothing shopping trip is conducted.

The CR buys a lot of clothes .... usually between $300 - $600 worth. Almost always heard at the point of purchase are one of these remarks: "I hope she likes SOME of these!" --- "I'll probably be returning MOST OF THESE!" ---- "She refuses to come here to TRY THESE ON!" ..... so .... hello?? We'll be anticipating MAJOR RETURNS, no doubt about it.

Our manager gets all excited about the BIG INITIAL PURCHASE, but is so short-sighted that the inevitable RETURN hits her like a ton of bricks. This makes her very cranky and she takes it out on us.

<gggrrrrrrr>

R.A.

[Kaitou]

Hm, new here...got through about 15 pages (backwards I grant you, since I"d already read the first few on the site) and this is one that I think should be on there:

*note - my store offers 30 days money back, 90 days exchange*

The "But I just bought that one yesterday!" Customer:
Customer brings back (obviously worn/used) item several months after purchase. When told "30 days retiurn, 90 days exchange" and having had this pointed out to her on the receipt she was given months ago, she proceeds to throw a fit until you agree to do an even/greater exchange. She does this.
Next day, she comes in trying to return it, stating she only bought THAT item yesterday.

/sigh

[reaganchan]

The 'Which one is Sprite? lady': I won't lie there are moments in my life where I wish that I could legally get away with killing someone because of that sentence...You ordered a Sprite and a Dr. Pepper....then are stupid enough to ask me which ones which? I believe that makes you a prime candidate to get shot in my book.

The 'I want it fresh' Man/Woman: Makes sure to tell you for five minutes that those Onion Rings better be fresh and cooked just right or they are making a complaint...lets forget for a moment that we only cook orders of onion rings when an order for them comes in.

and my favorite....

the cousin of the manager: Proceeds to call in a very complicated order...then shows up two seconds later expecting it to be done. then when you take the food to said SC she proceeds to take your ear off about mundane things as your trying to escape. Then leaves without checking her order and ALWAYS calls back with something wrong. She ordered tater tots on the phone? well now she is saying she ordered fries because no one in her house likes tater tots...all while reminding you her cousin is a manager. Oh the joy.

[Bagboy]

Cig Boy: This 17 year old will come riding up on his mountain bike and pick through the trashcan ashtrays for half smoked cigarettes which he will put in his pocket to smoke later.

The edwardian lady: This lady is dressed in edwardian fashion i.e. corset,long skirt, jewelry, etc... Last time I checked the edwardian era died with the first world war.

[GingerBiscuit]

'Magic Pill'.
Wants a magic pill that can either cause them to lose weight or gain muscle WITHOUT ANY WORK on their part.
Doesn't understand when you explain you NEED TO DO SOME WORK for them to work.
Ends up saying 'I'll just look around a bit then' and goes off to bother other poor sods till they find one unscrupulous enough to promise a miracle product, or sell them steroids/amphetamines.

[Cyphr]

The Crazy Old Lady - Comes in everyweek and get a few small items including a loaf of bread reminds you eight times during the transaction not to put the bread in the bottom of the bags or carts. (I work near a retirment communtity so this happened far too often)

[BoxGirl]

The Magic Word - People who assume that by using the word "just", you can do anything. "Can I make a return here?" "No, sir, we can't do returns at this register." "But it's just a return..." And they cannot fathom the concept that there is literally no button on this register that allows me to do returns.

Hooked On Phonics - The people that will stand in the line that clearly states "Boxes Only", then will get mad when they find out they can't pay their bill here.

The Cynic - That customer that walks up to the register, and the first thing out of his mouth is "You probably can't help me."

The Good Ol Days - Those that will say "But you used to do it this way", and insist that things go back to the old policy.

[RetailActress]

SUPER-ANNOYING PRICE ADJUSTER (or, COMMON OPPORTUNIST CHEAPSKATE) ..... SAPA-COC ------

Considers the inevitable commonplace price reductions of any retail establishment as PERSONAL INSULTS against her previous purchases.

Does she not "get" that, eventually, most things get marked down in order to move inventory and make room for fresh stock to arrive?

Presents herself as a persecuted individual ---- she bought things at full price, and now, SHOCKINGLY, they are SUDDENLY MARKED DOWN! You did that on purpose just to take advantage and inconvenience her!

And it's usually a long list of stuff that has to be tediously "fake-returned", and then re-rung in at the new, discounted price.

She will appear at the exact time when your store is most overwhelmed and understaffed.

[MisseLaneius]

More Call centre SCs

You mean you want to know relevant information? - This SC is characterised by a willingness to ask for you for something that is not within normal policy. When you respectfully decline, they unleash a diatribe on you, literally screaming at you all the circumstances that totally change the nature of the whole enquiry, which means that you CAN do it under these circumstances...

[Saydrah]

Free Business Advice!- This SC knows better than the entire multi-billion dollar corporation how a business should be run, and is not shy about saying so to anyone they encounter, be it lowly cashier, back room stocker, or the vice president of the company. Common phrases:

"If your company knew how to make money, they would change this policy!"

"This is bad for business."

"Your company will go out of business soon if you keep doing this."

"You should inform your boss that your company loses customers by not doing this."

Interestingly, Free Business Advice SCs invariably do not, nor have they ever, own a business. Most work in entirely different fields than the company in question.

[Darkforge]

Mr. I Can Clearly See Everything But Your Signs: This guy will either stare at the big signs above your head that show all of the promotions or specials and still ask you what they are or if you have them. This guy will also stare at your store hours for at least two minutes then ask you what time you close. .

I had this enough times when I was working in a cafe/bakery and it really used to annoy me- the worst was when they said "i'll have one of those" pointing to something inside the display cabinet instead of saying the clearly labelled names by each product the thing was that the display cabinet was angled so that the people behind the cabinet can't see through to the other side.

This annoyed me greatly until one day I realised that a large proportion of our customers couldn't read and that all that time they spent looking at the signs was them attempting to read it, but when the sign has a lot of italian style names (Macchiato etc) then people with only basic reading skills can have problems.

I don't call this type of customer sucky, I just feel sorry for them that they weren't provided with a decent enough education.

The most surprising thing is that "Mr. I Can Clearly See Everything But Your Signs" most often appears to be native to the country.

[RetailActress]

HER ROYAL MATH-IMPAIRED HIGHNESS is a woman (sorry to be sexist, but I have never encountered males with this issue) who cannot be bothered with the simplest retail shopping computations, such as "Take 30% Off Last Markdown," "Buy Two, Get the Third Free [equal or lesser value]" and/or "$25.00 Off a Purchase of $100.00 or more."

We always have easy-to-use calculators at the ready, on our counters, available to all.

But these princesses will not sully their pretty little brains with such confusing muck, so they shove us heaps o' clothes and demand that WE determine for each of them,"What's the best deal?"

(To be fair, I'm also pissed at our company for foisting too many promotions all the same time.) gggrrrrrrrr

[RetailActress]

The Imaginary Fitter frequently appears in clothing stores. Selects a random garment, then asks an impossible question like "Will this fit my mother-in-law?"

Thence proceeds an involved questionnaire in which the long-suffering sales associate gamely tries to get an idea of the physical proportions of said mother-in-law, a person who will invariably NOT LIKE the selected item of clothing after all, and the whole thing will devolve into a merchandise credit, which should have been a gift certificate in the first place. <eye roll>

R.A.