The Latest Batch of Idiots

[PatchO'Black]

I am sick of testing my brakes because you are trying to become my newest hood ornament.

I would suggest no longer stopping for them, but there is the damage they might cause the Jester-mobile and the paperwork the police would have to do to record the removal of these twits from the gene pool....

I'd also like to say I'm 6'4" and a secret agent with girls in every port. In both cases, I'd be lying through my teeth.

That's just what a 6'4" secret agent would say....

Fuck Dave.

No, thank you. Dave does not excite me in that way, or any other way for that matter.

[wolfie]

[
EURO GIRL: "But I don't have a driver's license."
JESTER: "I can take a passport."
EURO GIRL: "I don't have my passport with me."
JESTER: "I'm sorry, but Florida law says I can only take a driver's license or a passport for alcohol purchases."
EURO GIRL: "But this is a good ID in my country."
Yes, yes it is. But you're not IN your country right now, are you Petra? You're here in America, and we might just have somewhat different laws than back home in Gofuckyourselfislavia.
JESTER: "I'm sure it is, but here in Florida the law is very strict on what IDs I can accept."
EURO GIRL: "But we've been served here before."
JESTER: "Ma'am, I can't comment on what has or hasn't happened here before. I can only do my job, and at the moment that means I can't serve you alcohol, as you don't have the ID that the law requires you to have for me to serve you."
EURO GIRL: "What do you do for tourists?"
JESTER: "Ask them for their driver's license or passport."
EURO GIRL: "And when they don't have them?"
JESTER: "As I told you, I can't serve them."
EURO GIRL: "So you just turn away tourists, then?"
JESTER: "If they don't have a driver's license or passport, then by law, that is all I can do."
EURO GIRL: "So what am I supposed to do?"
Oh, the possibilities of what I could have said here....so damn tempting!
JESTER: "That's completely up to you, ma'am, but I can't serve you alcohol without proper ID."

Actually, there's a third option that the law allows - sell them a NON-alcoholic beverage.

BRUNETTE: "Where do you guys go if you're sick or there's an emergency?"
JESTER: "Excuse me?"
BRUNETTE: "Well I heard that the hospital was really far away."
JESTER: "Well, it is on the next Key up, but that's only about four miles. Not really all that far. Why?"
BRUNETTE: "This guy we were talking to said that the hospital was really far away, and that if something happened, you'd be better off going to the vet."
JESTER: ...
BRUNETTE: "Is that true? Do you guys have to go to the vet?"
JESTER: "....Ma'am....if we're sick, we go to the regular doctor, or if it's an emergency, we go to the hospital, which as I said, isn't that far away. We do not go to the vet."
BRUNETTE: "Well, that's what this one guy told us."
JESTER: "Well, either he was yanking your chain, he was full of shit, or he was on drugs. Take your pick."

Technically, anyone who's served in the military is a vet (namespace collision for the abbreviations, but not for the full words), so a former military doctor now in civilian practice would be a vet who's licensed to treat human patients.

[dalesys]

... so a former military doctor now in civilian practice would be a vet who's licensed to treat human patients.

I dunno... considering the G.I.'s we have...

(Ladle bother is CO of the 377th MDG at Kirkland AFB)

[depechemodefan]

my manager overheard one say to the other, "That's three."

Old Scumbag should just point "hey, shiny!" and leave young scumbag staring at something, while osb get's his drink. and Vero?Zero? What is he, cocney?

[MoonCat]

It's definitely not legal in NY state for veterinarians to treat humans. Don't know about Florida but I'd guess it's the same (too lazy to google it...)

[QASlave]

Gofuckyourselfislavia

Is that a nice place to visit?

[Grendus]

Gofuckyourselfislavia

Is that a nice place to visit?

Not really. Lots of angry people, EW's, and SC's.

[Jay 2K Winger]

Gofuckyourselfislavia

Is that a nice place to visit?

It's right next door to Azerbifuckingstupid, so make your own judgment.

[earl colby pottinger]

Pink

Maybe instead of fire-engine red, I should paint my truck camo - maybe then people will see it.

Only if you use pink paint.

[PandaHat]

Only if you use pink paint.

"I get that reference!"

[wolfie]

Maybe instead of fire-engine red, I should paint my truck camo - maybe then people will see it.

Naw, it's OK to paint your Chevy Cavalier in camouflage, but not your truck. Might be an exception if you and your girlfriend have a matching tux and gown made of duck blind Mossy Oak. Cookies for reference.

[Jester]

We had a 'sleeper' that we'd send off once in a while with no ill will. Terry worked hard, and occasionally his few rounds would get the better of him and he'd seem MANY rounds drunk, or .... nap at the bar. Good guy.

Amusingly, I AM Terry. Well, so to speak. As I am notorious among my friends and coworkers for dozing off at the bar.

How notorious?

Well, in addition to WAY TOO MANY pictures of me doing so have ended up on facebook, a few years ago, I was at one of the local sports bars watching my college team play in some major football game. I was in one of the booths, and apparently may have allegedly dozed off for a little while, or so I hear. Which instigated the following conversation, between my server, who did not know me, and one of the long-time bartenders on staff, who did....

SERVER: "Dude, what should I do? That guy dozed off!"
BARTENDER: "Who, him?"
SERVER: "Yeah, him."
BARTENDER: "Oh, that's Jester. He's fine. Let him doze for a little while, and he'll wake up, tip you well, and be on his way. He's harmless."

How do I know this conversation took place if I was (allegedly) snoozing, not to mention on the other side of the establishment from them? Obviously because the bartender told me about it later on.

Speaking as someone who grew up fighting New York City traffic, I have to point out that there's a significant difference between "four miles away" and "four miles away at the other end of a two-lane bridge which is the only way to get off this island". Maybe you don't get traffic jams down there, but that kind of thing tends to make me a bit claustrophobic.

Admittedly, four miles HERE and four miles in NYC are completely different. Just as four miles of driving through the Keys is far slower than four miles of driving on an interstate. But generally speaking, four miles in most places outside of NYC to get to a hospital is really not that far.

And down here, you have to go over a bridge to get to the hospital, too.

That's just what a 6'4" secret agent would say....

True, but photographic evidence against my being that is rather impressive.

Actually, there's a third option that the law allows - sell them a NON-alcoholic beverage.

Yes and no: if they want a soda or a juice or somesuch, yes, but not if they want a non-alcoholic beer, as technically speaking, NA beer DOES have a small percentage of alcohol, and thus is subject to the same laws as any other alcoholic beverage. (Yes, really!)

But even beyond that, since we have a company policy against anyone under 21 sitting at the bar (and this would include anyone who can't PROVE they are 21 or over), my original points still apply.

Technically, anyone who's served in the military is a vet (namespace collision for the abbreviations, but not for the full words), so a former military doctor now in civilian practice would be a vet who's licensed to treat human patients.

Hey now! I'm supposed to be the smartass around here! Back to your corner, you!

Vero?Zero? What is he, cocney?

No. Just a drunken idiot.

It's definitely not legal in NY state for veterinarians to treat humans. Don't know about Florida but I'd guess it's the same (too lazy to google it...)

I am not a lawyer, nor a practitioner of medicine for either humans or animals, but I am going to go out on a limb and say that, outside of emergencies, it is pretty much illegal in most places for a veterinarian to treat humans.

Gofuckyourselfislavia

Is that a nice place to visit?

I've never been there, but based on the people I get from there, I would venture a guess that the answer is OH HELL NO!

It's right next door to Azerbifuckingstupid, so make your own judgment.

I believe the technical term for that place is Azerbifuckingstupidistan. But I could be wrong.

[Greenday]

Let Me Guess: This is Your First Bar?

The bar isn't busy, and an older gentleman walks up. I happen to be standing right in the center of the bar, directly in front of 12 clearly visible beer taps.

OG: "Do you have beer here?"
JESTER: "No. No we don't."

And...he started to walk off.

JESTER: "Sir, I was kidding. Of course we have beer here!"

It's a bar. A FULL bar. A bar with beer taps directly behind the bartender you were just talking to. In your sixty years, sir, have you ever been to a bar that DIDN'T have beer? More importantly, have you ever been to a bar that had beer taps that didn't have beer?

Heh, I did that to some kid once while working at the pharmacy. I was stocking cigarettes at the front counter when some kid who I could easily tell wasn't old enough to smoke walked up and asked me if we sold cigarettes. I looked behind me at all the cigarettes, looked down at the carton I was unpacking, then looked at him and said, "Nope." He walked right out without saying a word.

What a tool.

[Lovecats]

Heh, I did that to some kid once while working at the pharmacy. I was stocking cigarettes at the front counter when some kid who I could easily tell wasn't old enough to smoke walked up and asked me if we sold cigarettes. I looked behind me at all the cigarettes, looked down at the carton I was unpacking, then looked at him and said, "Nope." He walked right out without saying a word.

What a tool.

Another good answer would have been, "Nope. These are just on display.".

[dalesys]

Gofuckyourselfislavia

Is that a nice place to visit?

It is if you're driving the transportation for the new inmates residents.

Another good answer would have been, "Nope. These are just on display.".

Here's your sign!