Brats

[Mikkel]

Good thing your manager is behind you when you are teaching them manners . You can have a bit of fun and get rid of the worst of them.

[manybellsdown]

SC: I’ll have a scotch on the rocks.

He turned around to his friends and started giggling and high fiving, clearly very proud of what he had asked for. I give him the drink.

SC: What’s this? I didn’t ask for ice!
Me: You asked for scotch on the rocks. Don’t you know what rocks are?
SC: No.
Me: It’s ice.
SC: But I don’t take ice with my drinks. Also, can you top it up with coke? I hate neat whiskey.

I bit my tongue, because I nearly yelled “GET OUT!”

Buh ... I ... just ... WHAT?

How you can resist the urge to just drink it right in front of him at that point, I cannot imagine.

[Jay 2K Winger]

Idiots, the lot of them.

Reminder-- bartenders are the gatekeepers. Both to the proper worship of Grog-Boozith, From Whom All Nectar Flows, and to employment at the altar (read: bar).

Do not fuck with them.

[Kitten in the box]

man i wish i was where you were at. I would have laughed at those kids so hard. and they were 18...LEGALLY and ADULT. at first i thought they were 3-5 year old kids.

[Deserted]

CW is restocking the napkins and straws. Bratty boy picks up the holder right in front of her and dumps the contents all over the floor. He stands there with a big smile.

SC: I think you need to clean this up.

I am heading back to the bar. I have four large stacks of glasses. An SC decides to kick a chair into my path.

SC: Try and pick that up with all those glasses in your hands!

You know, the kids around here seem to be taking stupid pills, but around your area, they must be taking pills.

Seriously, at my absolute worst as a teen -- and I'll admit, I could get pretty bad -- I would never be petty an asshole to someone whose job is to serve me!

Manager was getting really angry. She actually encouraged us to be horrible to these kids. She said we had to treat them proper etiquette.

The bible says "an eye for an eye"...

SC: HOW MUCH? I’M A STUDENT! I CAN’T AFFORD THIS!

...Then why are you out drinking?

SC: You’re an idiot.

Oh, the irony.

I had a major headache at the end of my shift.

...Aspirin?

[channeling Arnold Schwarzenegger] I lied.

I was thinking of Michael Ironside in "Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone":

Molly Ringwald: But... you said if I made it through, I'm free.
Michael Ironside: I lied, nobody goes free!
-- http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086346/quotes?qt=qt0208489

(Wait, can a person be that dumb?)

Do you really need to ask?

Oh and don't you know, everybody in the entire world is supposed to know the millisecond that you turn 18 and never, ever card you again!

I never got carded before I turned 18. In fact, the very first time I ever did get carded was on my 18th birthday... but then, I generally avoided the stuff that would get me carded anyway.

[AmbrosiaWriter]

Little shit orders whiskey straight then goes "Oh I don't like my whiskey straight"?

Fuck the little blithering numbskull. THE ONLY WAY TO DRINK WHISKEY IS TO DRINK IT STRAIGHT.

[Kheldarson]

No, no, I'll grant him not drinking it straight. I mean, I can (when I'm allowed to again...), but I'd rather not. It's like a kick in the teeth either way.

But in either case, his bigger problem was the fact that he had no idea what he was ordering. That should've lost him his drink right there.

[AmbrosiaWriter]

No, no, I'll grant him not drinking it straight. I mean, I can (when I'm allowed to again...), but I'd rather not. It's like a kick in the teeth either way.

Unless it's a crap whiskey, mixing it with something else is wasting the whiskey.

[Cat Herder]

SC: OHMYYYYYYYYYYYYYGAAAWWWWWWDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

He hands me the I.D while murmuring “I can’t fucking believe this!”

Me: OK, you were 18 two days ago…
SC: Yeah.
Me: You are 18 years and two days old. We I.D people who look under 25. Get used to being asked for proof of age.
SC: Just shut the fuck up and get me my drink.

If I owned a bar, I would empower (perhaps even require) my bartenders to respond as follows to any just-legal patron who behaved so rudely at the point of ID presentation:

Look pointedly at ID, then say, "Listen, Johnny DuSchnozzle of 123 Douchebag Lane, unless you apologize RIGHT NOW, we will not only toss you out, we will also contact your parents and let them know how you behave in public establishments!"

If the ID happens to be a college or university ID, extend the threat to include having a word with the administration of the school.

[Kheldarson]

Unless it's a crap whiskey, mixing it with something else is wasting the whiskey.

Really depends on your tolerance level, doesn't it?

[KiaKat]

I can forgive a new drinker not knowing what "rocks" are. I can't forgive the willful ignorance displayed by not asking the expert bartender.

Little shit orders whiskey straight then goes "Oh I don't like my whiskey straight"?

Fuck the little blithering numbskull. THE ONLY WAY TO DRINK WHISKEY IS TO DRINK IT STRAIGHT.

Unless it's an overproof Bourbon that requires either ice or water to release the aromatics from their ethilords. Or Scapa 16. That particular scotch shows beautifully with a few ice chips.

Unless it's a crap whiskey, mixing it with something else is wasting the whiskey.

Or unless you're making a brilliant Manhattan or Sazarac.

Really depends on your tolerance level, doesn't it?

Meh, my tolerance is pretty good, but I love a great classic cocktail.

[Jester]

(Wait, can a person be that dumb?)

Short answer: Yes.

Slightly longer answer: How long have you been coming to this site?

Sounds like Jester's sig.

Which I ripped blatantly off from a local iconic bar where I saw it. But if I ever own my own bar, that will not only be displayed prominently, it will be POLICY.

indeed. i once told a barkeep about the sig and he loved it.

Sweet! Tell more of them...most of the ones I know love it to death!

Reminder-- bartenders are the gatekeepers. Both to the proper worship of Grog-Boozith, From Whom All Nectar Flows, and to employment at the altar (read: bar).

Do not fuck with them.

Or, as Finlandia Vodka's t-shirts (and my former sig) so eloquently reads, "Bartenders are gods. Do not anger the gods!"

Seriously, at my absolute worst as a teen -- and I'll admit, I could get pretty bad -- I would never be petty an asshole to someone whose job is to serve me!

Hell, when I was a teen, since my mom wasn't very good at math, she always had me figure out the tip. After a while, when I came to the horrible realization that my mom is not the best tipper, and even for great service was only tipping 15%, I started fudging the numbers in the servers' favor. This was, mind you, before I ever even had a job, or an idea of working in the food service industry. (Later on, as an adult, when my parents would pick up the check, I would add a few bucks to the tip when they weren't looking. When it was deserved, of course.)

I was thinking of Michael Ironside in "Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone":

Molly Ringwald: But... you said if I made it through, I'm free.
Michael Ironside: I lied, nobody goes free!
-- http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086346/quotes?qt=qt0208489

From (I think) Commando...

BAD GUY: "But you said you'd kill me last."
ARNIE: "I lied."

At which point Arnie throws the guy off a cliff and you just hear him screaming all the way down. Too bad, so sad.

If the ID happens to be a college or university ID, extend the threat to include having a word with the administration of the school.

I can't comment on the laws of other countries, but in the U.S., a school ID is never acceptable for the purposes of purchasing alcohol. I have trouble picturing the laws being much different elsewhere, but as I have only ever worked in the food service industry in the U.S., and know nothing about the alcohol laws of other countries, and am often quite embarrassingly wrong, I'll concede that what I can picture and what reality is could be quite, quite different.

Unless it's an overproof Bourbon that requires either ice or water to release the aromatics from their ethilords. Or Scapa 16. That particular scotch shows beautifully with a few ice chips.

There are many lovely rums that really open up with the addition of a single ice cube.

Or unless you're making a brilliant Manhattan or Sazarac.

Or Old Fashioned, or Mint Julep, or several other lovely cocktails. To those who think that whiskey should only ever be drank straight, for you that is the truth, and you should only drink it straight. But other people might like to mix things up a bit.

Meh, my tolerance is pretty good, but I love a great classic cocktail.

I like most of them, but when it comes to the classics that involve gin, I draw the line. I've tasted many of them, of course, but my hatred of gin is pretty large, as it tastes absolutely horrid to me. This particular "flaw" in my classic cocktail regimen led to me telling the legendary Dale DeGroff that he was wrong when he told me that it was my duty as a good bartender to love a good gin martini. I'll MAKE the hell out of one, but DRINKING one? ENJOYING one? Oh, HELL FREAKIN' NO! I would sooner mix Pyrat Cask 1623 or El Dorado 25 with Diet Mountain Dew...oh, wait, no...that's getting a bit extreme. But you get the idea.

(For those who don't want to read the linked reviews, suffice to to say that these two rums are two of the most premier sipping rums in existence, with each retailing for about $300 a bottle. These are the kinds of rums that I jokingly tell guests that if anyone ever ordered it with Coke, BY LAW, I would have to punch them in the face.)

[pzychobitch]

Buh ... I ... just ... WHAT?

How you can resist the urge to just drink it right in front of him at that point, I cannot imagine.

I know I would have slammed it down right in front of the kid's face...

[Jester]

Not every bartender is allowed to drink on the job. I myself work at a bar that used to allow it, but no longer does, other than small samplings to familiarize ourselves with product. Product knowledge is important, after all.

[Greenday]

SC: But you can’t do that to me!

A phrase that has NEVER applied to staff at a bar/pub. Come on, man! Everyone knows this.