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Leeches (long)
Every once in a while, we get customers who won't leave us alone. Some of them are not bad because they will accept help from anyone representing the company who sounds relatively intelligent. And then there are those who get our names...
I'll call this customer KV, because that is close to her initials.
Once upon a time, shortly before I took my job with Major Electronics Retailer, KV purchased a laptop with the company's extended service contract. She was reasonably satisfied with this laptop for just over two years.
About two weeks ago, KV came into the store and found me. Something had gone wrong with her laptop, and it had to be sent out for service. She'd just gotten it back. The problem had been fixed, but now her power cable wouldn't supply power to the computer. She showed me the cable. It looked like it had been hit with a surge. Surges are covered under the service contract, so I said we could order a new one for her and that it would arrive, right to her house, in about a week.
That wasn't good enough. Her mother had just been diagnosed with cancer and given about a month to live. KV wanted to get online to do some research, claiming there had to be some way for her to save her mother's life, and the internet would provide it. Well, as persistent as she might have been, she wasn't annoying. In fact, she was rather nice about the situation, though obviously stressed. I talked to management. They let me give her one of our universal laptop power cables and record it as warranty replacement. KV happily takes her power cable home.
A couple of days later, she called in. Something else was wrong with her computer. It could be fixed, but she didn't want to wait the 2-3 weeks for a send-out repair. She decided she'd just buy a new computer. After all, her mother was dying, and the cure was on the internet somewhere.
She came in and started looking at the laptops. They all have Vista on them. She didn't want Vista. She just wanted her old computer to work, but waiting for a repair or doing a special order for an XP system and transferring her data were both just out of the question. After all, her mother was dying. So co-worker SB and I talked to her about new laptops for a while. I had to leave before she chose one, so I did not (and still do not) know what she ended up buying.
I didn't hear from her for a while, so I forgot about her.
That is, until today.
She called me. Not the store or the computer department--me. She asked for me specifically, by name, and would not speak to anyone else. She had the new computer and was not happy with it. She needed to get online. She had AOL. SB had signed her up for Qwest DSL, but that wouldn't be active for another six days, and she couldn't wait that long. After all, her mother was still dying, and KV just had to get on the internet right away. Okay, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and try to work with her. This is what I get.
KV: AOL doesn't work on this computer.
Me: Have you contacted AOL about it?
KV: No, but I need an AOL disk with Vista on it. All the electronics places here say they have the disks, but when I go to get one, they don't have it.
Me: Most have the AOL disks, but AOL has not yet supplied us with Vista-compatible software. I don't know when, or even if, they will. I'd suggest you call AOL.
KV: Well, that's not the problem.
Me: ... What is the problem?
KV: I need to get online right away. My mother is dying of cancer, and I need to find a way to help her. And check my email. But AOL didn't come with this computer.
Me: I know. We realized that. I think that's why SB suggested Qwest DSL.
KV: You guys should have told me that AOL didn't come with this computer. I'm disappointed you don't know the software and that you don't have the right AOL disks.
Me: So you need Vista-compatible AOL software.
KV: I need to get online. My mother has cancer. I need the internet now. You need to help me set it up.
Me: I can't do that. I'm not familiar enough with AOL or dial-up internet to walk you through any of those procedures. I'm not allowed to provide software support over the phone. And I think you'd need something from AOL anyway, which we don't have.
KV: I called AOL! They said you had it.
Me: Someone's misinformed. Or the shipment's slow. We don't have it.
KV: I'll just have to find that disk elsewhere. *click*
It's not that I was not trying to be helpful. I was. She kept cutting me off before I could offer a plausible solution. She could talk to our in-store techs, or she could bring the computer in and see what we could do for her here, like downloading software for her on our T1 line so she'd have what she needed. But there was nothing I could do about it at that point, so I went about my work.
About an hour later, co-worker Mario takes a phone call.
Mario: Yes, HawaiianShirts is here, but he's with a customer now. Maybe I can help you?
...
Mario: Oh, yes, he mentioned you.
...
Mario: Well, I'd like to, but we're not allowed to do software support. You really ought to talk to our in-store techs about that.
...
Mario: They are trained and authorized to do that kind of thing.
...
Mario: Well, then, you could bring it in to the store.
...
Mario: I realize it's an inconvenience and that gas is expensive, but it is an option, and we would likely be able to fix the problem here.
...
Mario: Hold on. I'll tell him.
Mario puts the call on hold. As soon as I finish with the customer (bought a 22" monitor and was absolutely thrilled to be getting rid of his old CRT and replacing it with something nice and big and new and shiny), Mario tells me that KV was on the phone. I knew. She said that our in-store techs "don't know nothing" and that HawaiianShirts is the only one who can help her. Cringing, I took the call.
KV: I still can't get online. You have to do something for me. My mother is dying of cancer, and I need the internet.
Me: Yes, I remember.
KV: I am not happy. I can't be troubled to bring this thing in there. You should have helped me the right way the first time. (I thought we did. New computer, just like she asked, and a fast and Vista-compatible internet connection installed as soon as the provider could get to her.) Now how do I make AOL work on this Vista crap?
Me: I think you'll need AOL software, but I'm not totally certain. You really ought to talk to our in-store techs about it. They are much more familiar with that kind of thing than I am.
KV: No. They don't know nothing. Look. I'll hold while you figure out a solution. Just be quick about it I need to get online.
So I put her on hold. I resisted screaming and punching the nearest object that would not shatter the bones in my hand, which could have been Mario's face if he'd been any closer with that stupid grin of his. I wandered up to the tech bench and bothered AA about it. Fortunately, he got me laughing about it again. He'd actually done the ring-out for KV when she got her new computer. He scheduled one of our in-home techs to come download the AOL stuff to a disk and deliver it to KV himself. I delivered that message to KV on the phone, and she was fine with it.
Just as I was about to clock out for the day, about an hour after in-home tech was supposed to have visited KV, the phone rang. Co-worker DA picked it up.
DA: Uh, yeah he's here. Hang on. *pushes HOLD* Hey, HawaiianShirts. Some lady's on the phone claiming she has to speak to you 'cause you're the only smart one around here.
Me: What does she want now?
DA: She said something about a digital camera and her mom being sick. I didn't quite understand it.
Me: Tell her I'm off.
And with that, I clocked out.
Now I'm afraid she won't leave me alone. In spite of my telling her how little I knew and even having someone else do all the work (manager, SB, and in-home tech), I'm still "the only smart one around here" and apparently a miracle worker.
I think I have a leech.
I'll call this customer KV, because that is close to her initials.
Once upon a time, shortly before I took my job with Major Electronics Retailer, KV purchased a laptop with the company's extended service contract. She was reasonably satisfied with this laptop for just over two years.
About two weeks ago, KV came into the store and found me. Something had gone wrong with her laptop, and it had to be sent out for service. She'd just gotten it back. The problem had been fixed, but now her power cable wouldn't supply power to the computer. She showed me the cable. It looked like it had been hit with a surge. Surges are covered under the service contract, so I said we could order a new one for her and that it would arrive, right to her house, in about a week.
That wasn't good enough. Her mother had just been diagnosed with cancer and given about a month to live. KV wanted to get online to do some research, claiming there had to be some way for her to save her mother's life, and the internet would provide it. Well, as persistent as she might have been, she wasn't annoying. In fact, she was rather nice about the situation, though obviously stressed. I talked to management. They let me give her one of our universal laptop power cables and record it as warranty replacement. KV happily takes her power cable home.
A couple of days later, she called in. Something else was wrong with her computer. It could be fixed, but she didn't want to wait the 2-3 weeks for a send-out repair. She decided she'd just buy a new computer. After all, her mother was dying, and the cure was on the internet somewhere.
She came in and started looking at the laptops. They all have Vista on them. She didn't want Vista. She just wanted her old computer to work, but waiting for a repair or doing a special order for an XP system and transferring her data were both just out of the question. After all, her mother was dying. So co-worker SB and I talked to her about new laptops for a while. I had to leave before she chose one, so I did not (and still do not) know what she ended up buying.
I didn't hear from her for a while, so I forgot about her.
That is, until today.
She called me. Not the store or the computer department--me. She asked for me specifically, by name, and would not speak to anyone else. She had the new computer and was not happy with it. She needed to get online. She had AOL. SB had signed her up for Qwest DSL, but that wouldn't be active for another six days, and she couldn't wait that long. After all, her mother was still dying, and KV just had to get on the internet right away. Okay, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and try to work with her. This is what I get.
KV: AOL doesn't work on this computer.
Me: Have you contacted AOL about it?
KV: No, but I need an AOL disk with Vista on it. All the electronics places here say they have the disks, but when I go to get one, they don't have it.
Me: Most have the AOL disks, but AOL has not yet supplied us with Vista-compatible software. I don't know when, or even if, they will. I'd suggest you call AOL.
KV: Well, that's not the problem.
Me: ... What is the problem?
KV: I need to get online right away. My mother is dying of cancer, and I need to find a way to help her. And check my email. But AOL didn't come with this computer.
Me: I know. We realized that. I think that's why SB suggested Qwest DSL.
KV: You guys should have told me that AOL didn't come with this computer. I'm disappointed you don't know the software and that you don't have the right AOL disks.
Me: So you need Vista-compatible AOL software.
KV: I need to get online. My mother has cancer. I need the internet now. You need to help me set it up.
Me: I can't do that. I'm not familiar enough with AOL or dial-up internet to walk you through any of those procedures. I'm not allowed to provide software support over the phone. And I think you'd need something from AOL anyway, which we don't have.
KV: I called AOL! They said you had it.
Me: Someone's misinformed. Or the shipment's slow. We don't have it.
KV: I'll just have to find that disk elsewhere. *click*
It's not that I was not trying to be helpful. I was. She kept cutting me off before I could offer a plausible solution. She could talk to our in-store techs, or she could bring the computer in and see what we could do for her here, like downloading software for her on our T1 line so she'd have what she needed. But there was nothing I could do about it at that point, so I went about my work.
About an hour later, co-worker Mario takes a phone call.
Mario: Yes, HawaiianShirts is here, but he's with a customer now. Maybe I can help you?
...
Mario: Oh, yes, he mentioned you.
...
Mario: Well, I'd like to, but we're not allowed to do software support. You really ought to talk to our in-store techs about that.
...
Mario: They are trained and authorized to do that kind of thing.
...
Mario: Well, then, you could bring it in to the store.
...
Mario: I realize it's an inconvenience and that gas is expensive, but it is an option, and we would likely be able to fix the problem here.
...
Mario: Hold on. I'll tell him.
Mario puts the call on hold. As soon as I finish with the customer (bought a 22" monitor and was absolutely thrilled to be getting rid of his old CRT and replacing it with something nice and big and new and shiny), Mario tells me that KV was on the phone. I knew. She said that our in-store techs "don't know nothing" and that HawaiianShirts is the only one who can help her. Cringing, I took the call.
KV: I still can't get online. You have to do something for me. My mother is dying of cancer, and I need the internet.
Me: Yes, I remember.
KV: I am not happy. I can't be troubled to bring this thing in there. You should have helped me the right way the first time. (I thought we did. New computer, just like she asked, and a fast and Vista-compatible internet connection installed as soon as the provider could get to her.) Now how do I make AOL work on this Vista crap?
Me: I think you'll need AOL software, but I'm not totally certain. You really ought to talk to our in-store techs about it. They are much more familiar with that kind of thing than I am.
KV: No. They don't know nothing. Look. I'll hold while you figure out a solution. Just be quick about it I need to get online.
So I put her on hold. I resisted screaming and punching the nearest object that would not shatter the bones in my hand, which could have been Mario's face if he'd been any closer with that stupid grin of his. I wandered up to the tech bench and bothered AA about it. Fortunately, he got me laughing about it again. He'd actually done the ring-out for KV when she got her new computer. He scheduled one of our in-home techs to come download the AOL stuff to a disk and deliver it to KV himself. I delivered that message to KV on the phone, and she was fine with it.
Just as I was about to clock out for the day, about an hour after in-home tech was supposed to have visited KV, the phone rang. Co-worker DA picked it up.
DA: Uh, yeah he's here. Hang on. *pushes HOLD* Hey, HawaiianShirts. Some lady's on the phone claiming she has to speak to you 'cause you're the only smart one around here.
Me: What does she want now?
DA: She said something about a digital camera and her mom being sick. I didn't quite understand it.
Me: Tell her I'm off.
And with that, I clocked out.
Now I'm afraid she won't leave me alone. In spite of my telling her how little I knew and even having someone else do all the work (manager, SB, and in-home tech), I'm still "the only smart one around here" and apparently a miracle worker.
I think I have a leech.
I AM the evil bastard!
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