What is your most asked question as a Tech?

[Naaman]

My reply to that: "I don't doubt that, sir, but let me ask you something. Would you expect a Volkswagen Beetle to be able to haul a job-lot of I-beams just because it's brand new? No, of course not, you'd use a hemi-powered pickup, if not a flatbed."

Tried - just hit a solid wall of stupid far too often - "But it's neeeeeewww!"

[Acolyte]

'Why's it taking so long?'

'Cause I'm the only tech fixing every broken household PC in a city of 25000 because getting qualified people here is basically impossible. I'm working on 5 computers at a time and you just dropped yours off yesterday. Wait your damn turn.

[earl colby pottinger]

Manual

After pointing out that the user could have probably fixed the problem themselves if they read the manual.

"Why can't they write in plain English so we can understand."

This question has been asked to me by a number of lawyers!!!!!!

[Gurndigarn]

Them: "We've got a problem with one of the video games."
Me: "Which game?"
Them: "I don't know."
Me: "What's the problem?"
Them: "I don't know."
Me: "...Don't know?"
Them: "Some customer came up and told us it was broken."
Me: "Did they say what was wrong with it?"
Them: "No. Just come out and fix it."

long sigh

Me: "When I can. But since I don't know what the problem is, or which game is having it, I can't guarantee I'll be able to fix it."



This has been repeated, nearly word for word, more times than I care to count. From several of my accounts.

[skeptic53]

Would anybody go to a mechanic and have a conversation like that, or a doctor?

MD: "What's troubling you today?"
SC: "I don't feel well"
MD: "In what way?"
SC: "I just don't feel right"
MD: "Well, what symptoms are you experiencing?"
SC: "Well, you know, I just , you know, don't feel well".
MD: "Any fever?"
SC: "I don't know, I can't find my thermometer."
MD: "Well, have you felt feverish or chilled?"
SC: "I can't rightly say".
MD: "Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal pain, heartburn, burning urination?"
SC: "Well, my stomach doesn't feel too good".
MD: "Is there pain or cramping?"
SC: "Well, it just doesn't feel right".
MD: "Sharp or dull? Steady or cramping or stabbing? Burning, boring, aching, gnawing, gripping, tearing, bloating, or gurgling?"
SC: "My stomach just doesn't feel well".

Lather, rinse, repeat for every organ system & symptom complex you can think of...

[Acolyte]

Them: "We've got a problem with one of the video games."
Me: "Which game?"
Them: "I don't know."
Me: "What's the problem?"
Them: "I don't know."
Me: "...Don't know?"
Them: "Some customer came up and told us it was broken."
Me: "Did they say what was wrong with it?"
Them: "No. Just come out and fix it."

long sigh

Me: "When I can. But since I don't know what the problem is, or which game is having it, I can't guarantee I'll be able to fix it."



This has been repeated, nearly word for word, more times than I care to count. From several of my accounts.

I would refuse service at this point. I'm not going to waste my time playing around with a computer trying to figure out what's supposed to be wrong with it if they won't even supply me with the means to try and get the symptoms.

[technical.angel]

"Why do we have to use *enter program name here*?"

So when you discover that porn comes in even faster over a T1, you don't kill our network with your viri.

[Shabo]

Hmmmm... let's see.

I would have to say that it's usually people calling to say their "endora" isn't working. But yeah, they usually start off by saying their computer isn't working. Cuz that's descriptive.

[greensinestro]

Hmmmm... let's see.

I would have to say that it's usually people calling to say their "endora" isn't working. But yeah, they usually start off by saying their computer isn't working. Cuz that's descriptive.

Yeah, I get that, too. "I can't connect to the internet. It's just not working!" Much of the time, it turns out to be the mistake of the customer. My favorite is the 691 error because they don't know how to freaking put in the username and password correctly.

Had another the other day where it wouldn't work, and it was "Can the lightning that stuck my computer the other day be the reason!" DING DING DING! We have a winner!

[technical.angel]

My parents live close to the middle of nowhere and my friend (CSR Kim, who's now a married woman!!!!) lived a few blocks away.

We were chatting online, and it started storming really bad. I told her we both needed to get offline and unplug the computers. She agreed, I shut down my computer, and wandered off to watch the lightening.

She called me later, saying her computer burned up.

"I TOLD you to unplug it!!!"

"Yeah, but then I took a bath."

"Maybe next time you'll listen to me!"

As I remember she had quite the problem getting the mobo replaced.

[Shabo]

Mmmhmmm, we had a "There was an electrical storm here, and we didn't unplug our computers, and now they won't turn on. Do you think it had something to do with the electrical storm?"

Nope, it was the PSU fairy. She came down and hit her magic wand against your computer, and it assploded.


One question I get asked more often then the "endora" thing would be when I get to the user's machine, and I ask them to *log off*. They respond with, "So shut down, right?"

What the hell am I going to do with the computer's software problem with the machine NOT POWERED ON!?!?!? Sorry, it's just a little frustrating since EVERYONE does this. And half of them shut down anyway because they don't actually know how to log off. Grrr.

[Buglady]

I guess I'm still a bit naive at times (Expecting to get an intelligent answer out of people that is). Less so recently.

Customer: My Computer is broken.
Me: What's wrong with it?
Customer: It doesn't work. (or something to that effect.)

Here I expect a reasonable answer, such as "It won't turn on," or "I can't connect to the internet," but way too often, no such luck. So, my standard question has had to become "What is it doing or not doing?"

Would anybody go to a mechanic and have a conversation like that, or a doctor? Unfortunately, I would expect that its all too common.

Ugh. Every single time something goes wrong with The Boy's computer, I go through this. Unfortunately, so do his doctors and mechanics.... he is unable to articulate a problem beyond "it doesn't work," "I feel like shit," or "this car is a piece of shit." Any attempt to get more detail results in mounting frustration and anger. There's a psychology term for this - it is called alexithymia, the inability to put words to emotional or internal states. The only thing I can do is try to distract him long enough to fix the computer, and accompany him to the doctor, and try to run interference between him and any CSR in his path (sorry guys!!).

[Impetrix]

I work at the tech desk at my college. I used to work in the back room doing hardware repairs, but after finally getting treatment for depression, I moved far, far away from the awkward grumpy anal-retentive micromanaging boss to work under the nice boss guy I play GURPS with every week. Unfortunately, while the boss-change was an upgrade, I switched the blissful silence of predictable hardware repair for the chaos of answering phones and walk-in questions. Hoo boy.

BY FAR the most common and most dreaded refrain I get over the phone this summer is: "Hiiiiii, my son/daughter will be attending your school this fall......"

Parents who are sending their little angels away to school tend to be very stressed. Parents who call the tech desk rather than having their little angels do it tend to be very helicopter-y.

Whether it's a problem with the portal we make everyone fill forms out on, or the fact that you can't register for TV yet, or walking them through every step of customizing their little angel's new computer, or figuring up what Dell screwed up in the order, or why Dell can't ship to Florida (insurance regulations on warranties or somesuch), or why the computer they ordered through us/Dell won't work on their home wireless network....... oh god. It burns.

Stupidity leads to anxiety. Anxiety leads to Suspicion. Suspicion leads to Anger. Anger leads to Yelling. Luckily, Yelling leads to Giving the Phone to a Boss.

(Second least-favorite/most-common refrain: "Hiiii, I'm a retired faculty member, and I'm (having trouble with dialup/can't connect to my email)")

[tenzilkem]

"
After offering a perfectly (or several perfectly) viable solutions that the SC thinks are too much of a pain in the ass to deal with....

"So I guess I'm screwed then huh?"
"

This one is the worst I get, though the why did it break one gets me too!

[technical.angel]

Impetrix, HUGS!!!!

Have you just moved to phones over the summer? If so, quadzuple hugs. I've been Helpdesk for about.... 4 years now (awaiting burnout ANY DAY now). If you've only been on the phones over the summer, well, you aint seen nothin' yet!

I don't have a problem with parents calling in about what kind of computer for their student. I have a problem with parents calling us because their precious can't get online. And that I didn't keep an appointment with the student.

When
A: I DON'T do room appointments, and haven't for over a year.
B: NO ONE can get online, as their network is down.
C: They CAN get online, but for only 9 hours, as they haven't run Windows updates.
D: The student was told exactly what to do to get online (restart the computer, and run updates)
E: When a mentor asked the student if she had any problems, she stated "No."

But I swear, if I have to walk another student through the entire process of running Windows Updates ONE MORE TIME.....

Have fun! Helpdesk is a great place to be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!