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  • What's a virus?

    Just wanted to let all the techies marvel at this one.

    I had an acquiantence talk to me last night, telling me about her computer problems. Apparently her computer's been randomly restarting, iTunes would loop a song for hours, even after it was closed, keyboard was inputting funky characters, webpages being redirected, etc.

    I broke the bad news and said she probably had a virus. Probably several by this point, including spyware and malware, and if she'd run a virus scan recently. Her response?

    "What's that?"
    So I spent some time trying to explain the concept of virii, spyware, malware, and all that fun stuff, and that you needed an anti-virus program to find and get rid of them. I gave her a list of programs to get right then, including AVG Free and the such, and told her to go download and run them ASAP. I told her to afterwards to also change all her passwords, as spyware might have harvested her passwords already, so her security is compromised. Her response?

    "Oh, I already did that."
    That's right, she changed all her passwords before plugging the leak. She wanted to reformat, but didn't have a system disk included, since it was a Gateway, so she wanted to make a system disk now to do it with. That, or just give up, get a new computer, and move her files over so she didn't lose anything. Move her files, without fixing her old computer. Yeah, instant reinfection.

    She had difficulty grasping the concept of the anti-virus actually removing the virus, as she'd repeatedly asked how to get the virus off her computer, and wanted to know what a virus could do. "My computer's doing this, could that be from a virus?" Repeat ad nauseum.

    She also thought that someone had physically placed the virus on her computer, and talked about "kicking their ass when she found them." Then I managed an upgrade to understanding that they didn't personally place it on, which she took to mean someone hacked in and did it. I tried to tell about corrupted websites and such, but that went way over her head.

    Anyway, marvel at the fact that this person's in college, in their mid-to-late 20s, and is that clueless.
    Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.

    http://unrelatedcaptions.com/45147

  • #2
    I recall a post pre hack, pre hack where a person moved their floppy discs (thats how long ago it was) away from another persons because they might catch a virus....
    A PSA, if I may, as well as another.

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    • #3
      Quoth Broomjockey View Post
      Just wanted to let all the techies marvel at this one.
      Anyway, marvel at the fact that this person's in college, in their mid-to-late 20s, and is that clueless.
      I've lived through that. My old secretary (I work on a college campus) was an absolute moron when it came to technology.

      "Why is my stupid computer running so slow?"
      "Well, maybe because you have a dozen MIE windows open, 5 Excel sheets, 8 Word docs, AOL Instant Messenger..."

      "Oh my god, I just closed Word and I didn't save anything! Can you get my text back?"
      "..."

      How she managed to get TWO Masters from this place is beyond me.

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      • #4
        Quoth Broomjockey View Post
        I broke the bad news and said she probably had a virus. Probably several by this point, including spyware and malware, and if she'd run a virus scan recently. Her response?

        "What's that?"
        Okay... I can KINDA understand not knowing what spyware is, since it is a RELATIVELY new classification, but how can a person have lived through the last 25 years or so and not know what a computer virus is? There are news stories, in print and on TV and radio, about new viral threats. There are emails (some true, some partly true, some complete fabrications) warning of the latest virus. They're even in MOVIES and TV SHOWS, for glavin' out loud!

        Quoth Broomjockey View Post
        She had difficulty grasping the concept of the anti-virus actually removing the virus, as she'd repeatedly asked how to get the virus off her computer...
        I've had that, too. Customers who come in and want a new computer because their current one has been rendered virtually useless because of infections. Some have never heard of anti-virus programs; some don't know that anti-virus programs remove as well as block; some think their ISP's "spam-blocker" is all they need for security. But if they REALLY want a new computer, I sell them one. Then I suggest they get security software somewhere (from me or someone else, I really don't care), and they say they don't need it!
        I suspect that... inside every adult (sometimes not very far inside) is a bratty kid who wants everything his own way.
        - Bill Watterson

        My co-workers: They're there when they need me.
        - IPF

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        • #5
          Quoth HawaiianShirts View Post
          There are news stories, in print and on TV and radio, about new viral threats. There are emails (some true, some partly true, some complete fabrications) warning of the latest virus. They're even in MOVIES and TV SHOWS, for glavin' out loud!
          And let us not forget about this most dire virus alert!

          Heh. I should totally send that to her...
          Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.

          http://unrelatedcaptions.com/45147

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          • #6
            Quoth HawaiianShirts View Post
            Okay... I can KINDA understand not knowing what spyware is, since it is a RELATIVELY new classification, but how can a person have lived through the last 25 years or so and not know what a computer virus is? There are news stories, in print and on TV and radio, about new viral threats. There are emails (some true, some partly true, some complete fabrications) warning of the latest virus. They're even in MOVIES and TV SHOWS, for glavin' out loud!
            Because, like, oh my gawd! Its sooooo boring when people talk, like, I just want to hear muuuuuuuusiiiiic. Talking is for old people. If it was worth knowing, like, my BFF Jill would text it to me, y'know?
            The Rich keep getting richer because they keep doing what it was that made them rich. Ditto the Poor.
            "Hy kan tell dey is schmot qvestions, dey is makink my head hurt."
            Hoc spatio locantur.

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            • #7
              Move her files, without fixing her old computer. Yeah, instant reinfection.
              Not if the new system is properly protected. But judging your post, I just hope the salesman insists on one cause she won't do it :P
              MMO Addicts group

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              • #8
                Here's an interesting way to handle it...

                Me: "Ma'am, it's very important that you bundle up your computer until the fever goes down. You may want to open the CD tray every so often and pour some orange juice in. Also, please make sure you don't sneeze or cough anywhere near the computer, as it may cause it to become more infected."
                Cust: "Really? Will that help?"
                Me: "No, not really, but it sounded good, right?"
                You can find me on Backloggery, Facebook, Twitch, Twitter, YouTube

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                • #9
                  Quoth Broomjockey View Post
                  Probably several by this point, including spyware and malware, and if she'd run a virus scan recently. Her response?

                  "What's that?"
                  I've found out the hard way that if someone asks that, they most likely have it. Probably a lot of it, in fact.
                  Sometimes life is altered.
                  Break from the ropes your hands are tied.
                  Uneasy with confrontation.
                  Won't turn out right. Can't turn out right

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                  • #10
                    The most embarassing day at my work (no, this doesn't have to do with titties or kaka) was the day when one of my coworkers started laughing his ASS off and then hands me a security warning paper.

                    Me: "WTF is this for?"
                    Coworker: "Dude, you just got hit with an offense! You need to secure your connection!"
                    Me: "What?! Oh no..."

                    *Que entire department = *

                    Yeah...my wife ran out and bought anti-virus software the next day. That was brutal.
                    You can find me on Backloggery, Facebook, Twitch, Twitter, YouTube

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