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I know I've complained repeatedly about The Employer's helpdesk (helplessdesk) in To That One Co-Worker, but it hasn't gotten any better over time. And my boss made an apt metaphor this week, so:
If the Helpdesk was Onstar:
User: Hi, I accidentally locked my keys in my car.
Helpdesk: We have remotely started your engine.
U: No, I'm locked out of my car.
HD: We have located the nearest gas station for refueling.
U: Still locked out of my car.
HD: There are five nearby locations to have your tires replaced.
U: Locked. Out. Of. Car.
HD: We have scheduled an appointment to replace your windshield wipers.
U: Seriously? I am. Locked out. Of my car.
HD: We have sent a request to confirm if this is a manufacturer defect.
U: I LOCKED MY KEYS IN MY CAR!
HD: Have you tried unlocking it with your keys?
If the Helpdesk was Onstar:
User: Hi, I accidentally locked my keys in my car.
Helpdesk: We have remotely started your engine.
U: No, I'm locked out of my car.
HD: We have located the nearest gas station for refueling.
U: Still locked out of my car.
HD: There are five nearby locations to have your tires replaced.
U: Locked. Out. Of. Car.
HD: We have scheduled an appointment to replace your windshield wipers.
U: Seriously? I am. Locked out. Of my car.
HD: We have sent a request to confirm if this is a manufacturer defect.
U: I LOCKED MY KEYS IN MY CAR!
HD: Have you tried unlocking it with your keys?