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.... or "I Don't understand...." (warning long, forgot to put this in the title 
)
:::EDIT::: The more I think on this the less I think it belongs in unsupportable. Yes it was dealing with a tech issue of sorts, but it probably would fit better under Sucky Customers. Mods feel free to move if needed. [/Edit]
[Raps has told me that Unsupportable was intended for this sort of thing as well as tech support. You're fine. -- Seshat.]
Wow this one was a real winner. Not really sucky but dense.
NIL: Nice Idiot Lady
EIS: Equally idiotic son.
Me: Oh oh is it my turn now....
To set the stage the company I work for is an MVNO (Mobile Virtual Network Operator) which is a fancy way of saying reseller for one of the big 3 providers in the USA. Essentially we are independently owned and operated and provide the phones and customer support ect and our parent company operates and maintains the cellular network which we piggyback off of. They get a steady flow of revenue as long as we are in business and we save the overhead of having to maintain a cellular network.
So this lady wanted to transfer her number from our Parent company to us. This call was 25 minutes long so I will spare the simple details and highlight the excruciatingly painful ones.
I started the call out with collecting the necessary information from the customer, IE phone number, account number, name and address and the ESN (electronic serial number), for those unfamiliar with this its sort of like an IP address for a computer, it tells the cellular network which cell phone to route the calls for a specific phone number to. We actually had a fairly pleasant conversation while I entered the information in.
I hit submit... "This ESN is already active on xxx-xxx-xxxx"
Ok so I check this new phone number and lo and behold it is a number that was ported over from our parent company. So I just need a different phone to put this on. I explain to the customer about the phone number thats already on this ESN with us and she says that it is her sons phone number. I explain that we will need a different ESN to bring her phone number over to. And thats when the damn broke and the idiocy began...
NIL: I don't understand.
Me: Ok, you already have (sons number) on this line we can't put (her number) on the same phone. So I need the ESN from the other phone you have to bring this over.
NIL: But I don't have two phones.
Me: Yet you had both of these numbers on (Our parent company) service yes?
NIL: Yes.
Me: And you had two phones with them yes?
NIL: Yes.
Me: Ok, we should be able to use both of the phones you had with them for our service since we run on their network. So all I need is the ESN from the second phone.
NIL: I don't understand...
Me: You had two phones with them. We already used one, which is the ESN you have already given me. All I need is for you to tell me what the ESN on the second phone is.
NIL: Here just talk to my son I can't deal with this.....
EIS: Hello
Me: *Proceeds to explain the situation*
EIS: But we don't have two phones... (sounding confused)
Me: Ok, you had a number with (parent company) Yes?
EIS: Yes.
Me: And your mother had a number with them yes?
EIS: Yes.
Me: And both number were on the same phone, or were they on two different phones?
EIS: The same one.... (not sounding so sure of himself)
Now for the record it is possible to have two numbers with two different service providers on the same phone. This requires a little technical know how as you have to manually program the phone to accept the second number.
Me: Ok, if you were both on (parent company) it could not have been the same phone since you can't have two phone numbers from the same provider on the same phone.
EIS: Oh...
Me: So did you have a different service provider? Or do you have two different phones.
EIS: MA... Take this phone back...
Me: Wait.... (damn too late)
NIL: Look were just going to call back....
Me: Hold on. Can you answer just one question for me.
NIL: We don't have time to deal with this...
Now why I didn't just shut up and say ok I will never know, maybe it was the need not to be defeated by the sheer idiocy of this woman and her son or maybe it was the need to spare one of my coworkers the stupidity of her calling back maybe just maybe it was the need to self mutilate and I need to be committed.
Me: Look, this isn't hard, all I need to know is if you are certain that both phone numbers were on (Parent Company)
NIL: Yes they were.
Me: And you are certain that you had two different phones.
NIL: Yes.
Me: Ok and the ESN you gave me it was Your phone or your son's phone.
NIL: Mine.
Me: Ok, so all we need to do this is to get the ESN from your son's phone and we can transfer your number over.
NIL: Why didn't you say that in the first place?
(ISN'T THAT WHAT I WAS SAYING THIS WHOLE DAMN TIME!!!!!!!ELEVENTY!!!!! ARGGGHHHHH)
Needless to say she got the information I needed and we get the number ported over. Now it would be great if this story ended here.... but it still drags painfully on.
Me: Ok the transfer is complete. You need to dial *xxx on the phone to program it now.
Boop beep beep....
Me: On the cell phone m'am.
NIL: Oh.... sorry.
NIL: Its not doing anything....
Me: You don't hear anything on it.
NIL: It said something about press 1 to program the phone, should I do that
Me: Yes (trying not to sound desperate or frustrated and failing miserably at both)
NIL: Ok... its doing something now. Oh it says programming successful.
Me: Ok, now you need to make a call to any number and we'll be all set.
NIL: I don't understand....
Me: Just make a call to any phone number.
NIL: Um...
Me: Dial xxx-xxx-xxxx from the phone.
NIL: Ok.... I don't hear any... oh wait it says... it said press 1 for english and then said something in spanish.
Me: Ok press 1.
Beeep
Me: On the cell phone m'am.
NIL: Oh sorry.... it hung up.
Me: No problem, just dial it again and press 1 on the cell phone when it asks you to.
NIL: Ok.... Its not doing anything.
Me: Did you press 1 when it said "press 1 for english"
NIL: Yes.
Me: And what did it say.
NIL: Your account is now active... and it said something about 1 hour or whatever.
Me: Thats how many minutes you have available on the phone, you are all set then.
NIL: But how do I know if it works ok?
Me: You can make a test call if you want, I'll wait....
Now I have to ask what was so difficult about these concepts? Did I make it hard to understand in some way or was this lady monumentally stupid (see not listening).
To finish up she made the call it worked and all is right with the world..... until she calls back. All this and its only an hour into my shift....
):::EDIT::: The more I think on this the less I think it belongs in unsupportable. Yes it was dealing with a tech issue of sorts, but it probably would fit better under Sucky Customers. Mods feel free to move if needed. [/Edit]
[Raps has told me that Unsupportable was intended for this sort of thing as well as tech support. You're fine. -- Seshat.]
Wow this one was a real winner. Not really sucky but dense.
NIL: Nice Idiot Lady
EIS: Equally idiotic son.
Me: Oh oh is it my turn now....
To set the stage the company I work for is an MVNO (Mobile Virtual Network Operator) which is a fancy way of saying reseller for one of the big 3 providers in the USA. Essentially we are independently owned and operated and provide the phones and customer support ect and our parent company operates and maintains the cellular network which we piggyback off of. They get a steady flow of revenue as long as we are in business and we save the overhead of having to maintain a cellular network.
So this lady wanted to transfer her number from our Parent company to us. This call was 25 minutes long so I will spare the simple details and highlight the excruciatingly painful ones.
I started the call out with collecting the necessary information from the customer, IE phone number, account number, name and address and the ESN (electronic serial number), for those unfamiliar with this its sort of like an IP address for a computer, it tells the cellular network which cell phone to route the calls for a specific phone number to. We actually had a fairly pleasant conversation while I entered the information in.
I hit submit... "This ESN is already active on xxx-xxx-xxxx"
Ok so I check this new phone number and lo and behold it is a number that was ported over from our parent company. So I just need a different phone to put this on. I explain to the customer about the phone number thats already on this ESN with us and she says that it is her sons phone number. I explain that we will need a different ESN to bring her phone number over to. And thats when the damn broke and the idiocy began...
NIL: I don't understand.
Me: Ok, you already have (sons number) on this line we can't put (her number) on the same phone. So I need the ESN from the other phone you have to bring this over.
NIL: But I don't have two phones.
Me: Yet you had both of these numbers on (Our parent company) service yes?
NIL: Yes.
Me: And you had two phones with them yes?
NIL: Yes.
Me: Ok, we should be able to use both of the phones you had with them for our service since we run on their network. So all I need is the ESN from the second phone.
NIL: I don't understand...
Me: You had two phones with them. We already used one, which is the ESN you have already given me. All I need is for you to tell me what the ESN on the second phone is.
NIL: Here just talk to my son I can't deal with this.....
EIS: Hello
Me: *Proceeds to explain the situation*
EIS: But we don't have two phones... (sounding confused)
Me: Ok, you had a number with (parent company) Yes?
EIS: Yes.
Me: And your mother had a number with them yes?
EIS: Yes.
Me: And both number were on the same phone, or were they on two different phones?
EIS: The same one.... (not sounding so sure of himself)
Now for the record it is possible to have two numbers with two different service providers on the same phone. This requires a little technical know how as you have to manually program the phone to accept the second number.
Me: Ok, if you were both on (parent company) it could not have been the same phone since you can't have two phone numbers from the same provider on the same phone.
EIS: Oh...
Me: So did you have a different service provider? Or do you have two different phones.
EIS: MA... Take this phone back...
Me: Wait.... (damn too late)
NIL: Look were just going to call back....
Me: Hold on. Can you answer just one question for me.
NIL: We don't have time to deal with this...
Now why I didn't just shut up and say ok I will never know, maybe it was the need not to be defeated by the sheer idiocy of this woman and her son or maybe it was the need to spare one of my coworkers the stupidity of her calling back maybe just maybe it was the need to self mutilate and I need to be committed.
Me: Look, this isn't hard, all I need to know is if you are certain that both phone numbers were on (Parent Company)
NIL: Yes they were.
Me: And you are certain that you had two different phones.
NIL: Yes.
Me: Ok and the ESN you gave me it was Your phone or your son's phone.
NIL: Mine.
Me: Ok, so all we need to do this is to get the ESN from your son's phone and we can transfer your number over.
NIL: Why didn't you say that in the first place?
(ISN'T THAT WHAT I WAS SAYING THIS WHOLE DAMN TIME!!!!!!!ELEVENTY!!!!! ARGGGHHHHH)Needless to say she got the information I needed and we get the number ported over. Now it would be great if this story ended here.... but it still drags painfully on.
Me: Ok the transfer is complete. You need to dial *xxx on the phone to program it now.
Boop beep beep....
Me: On the cell phone m'am.
NIL: Oh.... sorry.
NIL: Its not doing anything....
Me: You don't hear anything on it.
NIL: It said something about press 1 to program the phone, should I do that
Me: Yes (trying not to sound desperate or frustrated and failing miserably at both)
NIL: Ok... its doing something now. Oh it says programming successful.
Me: Ok, now you need to make a call to any number and we'll be all set.
NIL: I don't understand....
Me: Just make a call to any phone number.
NIL: Um...
Me: Dial xxx-xxx-xxxx from the phone.
NIL: Ok.... I don't hear any... oh wait it says... it said press 1 for english and then said something in spanish.
Me: Ok press 1.
Beeep
Me: On the cell phone m'am.
NIL: Oh sorry.... it hung up.
Me: No problem, just dial it again and press 1 on the cell phone when it asks you to.
NIL: Ok.... Its not doing anything.
Me: Did you press 1 when it said "press 1 for english"
NIL: Yes.
Me: And what did it say.
NIL: Your account is now active... and it said something about 1 hour or whatever.
Me: Thats how many minutes you have available on the phone, you are all set then.
NIL: But how do I know if it works ok?
Me: You can make a test call if you want, I'll wait....
Now I have to ask what was so difficult about these concepts? Did I make it hard to understand in some way or was this lady monumentally stupid (see not listening).
To finish up she made the call it worked and all is right with the world..... until she calls back. All this and its only an hour into my shift....
I know, lame, but I had to take a stab at it *retrives bloody stabbing blade and flees*.
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