Magic Phone of Infinite Holding

[HawaiianShirts]

This one really made me laugh.

[back story]
I work in a major electronics retail store in the computer department. Many of you readers will already know that.

In my store, we have someone at the service desk who answers most of the incoming calls. If that person cannot answer the caller's questions, then the call is transferred to the (usually) appropriate department.
[/back story]

The department phone rang. I answered it. This, as best as I can remember it, is what followed:

Me: (opening lines)
Caller: Yes, I need some equipment for a call center.
Me: ... Okay.
Caller: You know what a call center is?
Me: Yes. I used to work in one.
Caller: Oh! Good! You can help me then?
Me: I can try.
Caller: Well, I am in charge of a call center, and I need some equipment for it.
Me: (thinking of stuff in the store that might be relevant) What exactly do you need? Computers and monitors? Servers? Headsets, perhaps?
Caller: No, I have a computer. I don't need that.
Me, thinking: You have A computer? Just one?
Me: Well, let's narrow it down then. What exactly do you need?
Caller: I need phones.
Me: That I can help you with. We have several phones here.
Caller: Good! See, I'm starting this call center, and I'm going to need phones to take calls.
Me, thinking: Starting a call center? Seems strange to START a call center by calling your local electronics store and asking for phones... Okay, I'll play along.
Me: You're starting your own call center? Impressive.
Caller: Yes. It is a home-base (sic) business.
Me: You're starting a call center in your home?
Caller: Yes. My wife and I will be taking calls for companies. Like credit cards and things.
Me: I see... So how many phones do you need?
Caller: Just two. One for me and one for my wife. But I need phones that will hold lots of calls. I need to hold, maybe one or two hundred calls at a time. Do you have those phones?
Me: ...No, I don't.
Caller: No? Oh. Do you know where I can get them?
Me: As I understand it, it's not the phone that controls how many calls you can receive at once; it's your phone service. You can have the most expensive phone in the world, but if all you have is one-line phone service from the phone companies, even with call waiting you can only have two or three calls at a time.
Caller: ... So I need to call the phone company?
Me: I imagine they could help you better than I could at this point.
Caller: Do they have the kind of phone I need?
Me: No, but they have the kind of phone service that you need.
Caller: Okay. I will call ComCast, then. Thank you so much!

And he was really excited when he hung up, too. Apparently what I told him was remarkably helpful. I'm pretty sure he didn't get it, though.

If this guy does get his two-person "call center" off the ground, I never want to be routed to it. Imagine the hold times! Two people handling 200 callers?! And I can't help wondering just what company would be willing to outsource to some random couple working out of their spare bedroom.

The part of all this that really made me laugh was that, though this man was calling from somewhere else in my city, in one of the whitest states in the country, he had a thick Middle Eastern accent... And he wanted to start a call center...

[Chanlin]

As funny and misunderstanding as he was I probably would have fallen into the trap of trying to explain to him exactly why his idea won't work... who knows maybe he'll get lucky... but I highly doubt it

[smileyeagle1021]

If this guy does get his two-person "call center" off the ground, I never want to be routed to it. Imagine the hold times! Two people handling 200 callers?! And I can't help wondering just what company would be willing to outsource to some random couple working out of their spare bedroom.

umm, playing the devil's advocate, he could have been thinking of doing something like working for Convergys@home or Occurance or one of those other call centers that is cutting cost by having people work at home (even the evil giant I'm working at is working on developing software to allow agents to work at home because the center is approaching capacity and they can't afford to expand the center or open a new one).
now going back to normal mode, that guy probably wasn't thinking of doing something like that as was probably just an idiot (200 calls at a time, sweet shit, IHG gets upset when there is a queue 5 calls long).

[Bliss]

I bet he thinks he doesn't need to setup the company with the clients at all. He'll just get a "call center" phone you see, a laaarge phone that can hold 200 people screaming inside it (damn now I have Jason images in my mind), and has a "call center" button. he'll press that button and people from banks all over the world will automatically be routed to his call center phone, and be dropped inside it with all the other 200 screaming people......

Personally I find the idea of a poor comcast rep trying to explain master numbers, E1s and PBXs to this guy in vain hilarious and depressing at the same time.

[earl colby pottinger]

Worse. think scam

umm, playing the devil's advocate, he could have been thinking of doing something like working for Convergys@home or Occurance or one of those other call centers that is cutting cost by having people work at home

He may have fallen for one of those 'work from home and make a fortune' scams you see on late night TV. Only in this case after selling him $2-300 in books and manuals which basically says find a local supplier for the phones/PBX then call this list of numbers and someone will hire you to answer their phones.

He is in trouble already if he falls for scams like those.

[sld72382]

umm, playing the devil's advocate, he could have been thinking of doing something like working for Convergys@home or Occurance or one of those other call centers that is cutting cost by having people work at home (even the evil giant I'm working at is working on developing software to allow agents to work at home because the center is approaching capacity and they can't afford to expand the center or open a new one).
now going back to normal mode, that guy probably wasn't thinking of doing something like that as was probably just an idiot (200 calls at a time, sweet shit, IHG gets upset when there is a queue 5 calls long).

My call center has a work-from-home program. It's only available in certain departments and at first it seems great, until you find out:

1. They don't let you use your personal PC for the job. They make you set up a router and use a "thin client" that is monitored (understandable) and firewalled (understandable but my call center is way too strict, they block computer security sites even) and they give you a piece-of-crap monitor to use.
2. They cut your pay and then make the excuse "it's due to you not having to use gas and other travel expenses."
3. They (actually they force you to) install a webcam that is behind you in the room that is going to be used, facing the thin client and your personal PC. This is to monitor you and catch you if you go and use your personal PC to access a website that is blocked by the firewall on the thin client or to do anything non-work related.

So in other words, paying you less to invade your privacy.

[Geek King]

3. They (actually they force you to) install a webcam that is behind you in the room that is going to be used, facing the thin client and your personal PC. This is to monitor you and catch you if you go and use your personal PC to access a website that is blocked by the firewall on the thin client or to do anything non-work related.

Do you work for a prescription ordering service sld? That sounds like the same setup my cousin has, except his personal PC is in another room. Just curious.

[sld72382]

Nope, my call center is purely technical.

[wraiths_crono]

Uhhhhhh that sucks, here where i work, they give you your pc that you used in the office, a 22in lcd, setup with a VPN, and dont care if you have your personal pc running stuff, so long as your work performance does not falter. oh and NO paycut!

My call center has a work-from-home program. It's only available in certain departments and at first it seems great, until you find out:

1. They don't let you use your personal PC for the job. They make you set up a router and use a "thin client" that is monitored (understandable) and firewalled (understandable but my call center is way too strict, they block computer security sites even) and they give you a piece-of-crap monitor to use.
2. They cut your pay and then make the excuse "it's due to you not having to use gas and other travel expenses."
3. They (actually they force you to) install a webcam that is behind you in the room that is going to be used, facing the thin client and your personal PC. This is to monitor you and catch you if you go and use your personal PC to access a website that is blocked by the firewall on the thin client or to do anything non-work related.

So in other words, paying you less to invade your privacy.

[earl colby pottinger]

I think

oh and NO paycut!

I never heard of pay-cuts before for telecommuting. No travel expenses or mileage I understand, but pay-cuts is a clear warning sign that management are *REAL* idiots.

Start looking for a new job now!!!!!

You should have seen the look on my previous manager's face last week when I made clear that I would not extend my stay on his request, that I already had a new job the following week with better hours/pay.

[BaristaTrav]

Probably just HP cutting costs and doing more outsourcing again.