Funny quotes from a computer shop.

[Flawd]

Let me start by saying hi. I just joined the site a couple days ago when a friend showed me one of the comics.

I run a computer store, and every once in a while I get customers that just say the most off the wall things I have to excuse myself so I can go write them down so I don't forget them. I have quite a few now, and I'd like to share some of my favorites:


"My interstate isn't working"

"How many jiggabytes does it have?"

"Which one is the monitor? The keyboard?"

"You can't put a 800 megahertz power supply in where a 1.2 megahertz supply should be."

Me: Thanks for calling Computer Store this is Me.
SC: Hi, I need a hard drive with Windows.
Me: Ok, what size hard drive do you need?
SC: I don't know, something fast.


And finally, it's kind of funny how people call their computer the "hard drive" or the "modem" or the "monitor". Still, after doing this for three years it throws me off. For example:

SC: My modem isn't working, I need a new one.
Me: We can replace it for you, just bring the computer in. It will be about $30.
SC: Holy shit! That's cheap! I'll be right there!
Lo and behold, it's the motherboard or something else that's much more expensive.


I'll pay more attention to SC's now that I'm on this site. There's plenty more quotes and stories that I just can't remember any more.

[HawaiianShirts]

Welcome! If you're anything like me, now that you're here, you'll never leave. And that's good because we all enjoy some funny customer quotes.

And finally, it's kind of funny how people call their computer the "hard drive" or the "modem" or the "monitor". Still, after doing this for three years it throws me off. For example:

SC: My modem isn't working, I need a new one.
Me: We can replace it for you, just bring the computer in. It will be about $30.
SC: Holy shit! That's cheap! I'll be right there!
Lo and behold, it's the motherboard or something else that's much more expensive.

I had one of those just recently.

Not-Computer-Savvy Customer: Hi! I need a new hard drive. Can you help me with that?
Me: Sure, follow me.
- I show this very friendly customer our hard drive selection, which is about half an aisle of boxes for both internal and external drives. -
Me: Here's our selection. Do you know what type you need or what size?
NCSC: ... Uh, I don't think this is what I'm looking for...
Me: You did say you needed a hard drive, right?
NCSC: Do you work in this department?
Me: Yes, I do. Can I assume, at this point, that what you're calling the hard drive is actually the main part of the computer? The big metal box that you put CDs into?
NCSC: Yes! The hard drive!
Me: Actually the hard drive is the storage device inside the computer, but, here, let me show you our selection of towers.
- She didn't follow me. She just left without another word. I think I inadvertently embarrassed her. -

[digilight]

Or the damn fart knockers who insist on calling the tower the ....CPU.... for some reason this makes me want to dress up like santa and kick puppies. Damn Douche Pickles.....

[lordlundar]

A) Welcome

B) I love (l)users like these.

C)

"How many jiggabytes does it have?"

I think that's a Back to the Future reference. You remember, the 1.21 GigaWatts with is starting off on the soft G.

[RetailWorkhorse]

Or the damn fart knockers who insist on calling the tower the ....CPU....

Alright, forgive a total nimrod here, but if the Tower ISN'T the CPU then WHAT IS IS IT?! What does CPU stand for? Is it a componant inside the tower? Is the tower just a big box everything fits into?? WHAT IS IT?!?!?!?!?!/

GAH!

[Bright_Star]

Alright, forgive a total nimrod here, but if the Tower ISN'T the CPU then WHAT IS IS IT?! What does CPU stand for? Is it a componant inside the tower? Is the tower just a big box everything fits into?? WHAT IS IT?!?!?!?!?!/

GAH!

CPU=Central Processing Unit

[RetailWorkhorse]

CPU=Central Processing Unit

*Blinks*

*Brain blanks*

......and? I may have a name for it, but what does it do? What is its relationship to the tower? IS the tower the box it's all placed in?

[SteeleDragon78]

*Blinks*

*Brain blanks*

......and? I may have a name for it, but what does it do? What is its relationship to the tower? IS the tower the box it's all placed in?

the cpu is the intel or amd chip, u dont usually see them because they are under a large fan/heatsink combo. when you look at the mother board they are usually to the left of the memory slots. and above the pci boards. and yes the tower is the box. as to what it does it "thinks" for the computer. it takes the info from the harddrive processes the instructions and then outputs the info to the screen. wiki tells it better than i can

[RetailWorkhorse]

Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto SteeleDragon. I'm going to quit calling the tower the CPU now (So, uh, no I'm NOT spray painting the CPU........really).

[Chromatix]

I wouldn't be too hard on people who call the "main unit" a "CPU". Apple used to do that officially, and it's not a terrible description, from a functional-block point of view. But in a PC components shop, it's likely to be confusing.

For reference, I'll give you an overview of the inside of a modern computer.

The visible part is just the case. This physically supports and encloses everything else, obviously. A less obvious but still highly important role is to direct and facilitate the flow of cooling air. Cases usually have a fan or three attached to do this.

The most important component inside the case is the motherboard. This is the very large circuit board to which (literally!) everything else is attached, hence the name. Modern motherboards have a lot of functions built-in, but originally they were just to interface the major components together.

The CPU is, by default, the chip that does all the actual work. It usually fits directly into a socket on the motherboard, but it is not unknown for it to be supplied on a daughterboard which fits in it's own socket. It is usually the most power-consuming and heat-producing part of the computer, so the circuitry around it on the motherboard is mostly about power delivery, and there is always (except in very old computers) a large heatsink on top.

NEVER run a modern CPU without it's heatsink. Also, remember to remove any protective plastic from and apply the correct thermal interface to the bottom of the heatsink before attaching it. If you ever decide to build your own PC, that is.

Also near the CPU will be the memory sockets, which will always need at least one filled. This allows your computer to load programs and manipulate data without having to farm out to the (far slower) hard disk all the time. Without at least some memory, the computer won't work at all, but with more, it will be able to do more at a time before slowing down.

Usually the graphics and often the sound capabilities are provided by expansion cards, which fit in large sockets towards the rear of the machine. The graphics card may itself be a very power-hungry device with a large heatsink and it's own power cable. Sometimes, especially in cheaper machines, these capabilities are provided on the motherboard instead.

The hard disk is where your data and applications are actually stored. This is usually (apparently) a heavy slab of metal that whirrs and clicks when turned on. It's also the most mechanically fragile part of the computer, so if dropped, it's the first place to look for damage. It will be connected to the motherboard (or, occasionally another expansion card) by a wide ribbon cable (usually ATA, rarely SCSI), or more recently a narrow cable (SATA).

Also connected by a similar cable will be an optical drive. I always call them "optical drives" rather than a "CD/DVD drive/reader/writer" unless I want to be very precise about it's capabilities. It's job is simply to read as many as possible of those CD-like discs they keep making new versions of. It is *not* a cup holder!

Rarely these days, there might be a floppy drive. This is a low-capacity, removable disk technology, and is not a payment slot for credit cards or other money.

Last, but most definitely not least, is the power supply. This is more important than most people realise, because it is responsible for supplying sufficient, clean power to the rest of the computer. If any part doesn't get enough, usually the whole computer malfunctions. If the computer demands more than the supply can give... it can result in the "magic smoke" being let out, after which it won't work. The power supply also normally assists in the flow of cooling air, since it needs a lot of that itself.

Hopefully that clears things up a bit.

[EmiOfBrie]

I think that's a Back to the Future reference. You remember, the 1.21 GigaWatts with is starting off on the soft G.

Actually, the "giga-" prefix is pronounced correctly either way, but most people use hard G. Back in 1985, the prefix wasn't used even nearly as often as it is now, and as such there was no "common usage" standard to go by.

In the animated series of BTTF (which took place in 1991-92), Doc Brown (at least the animated Doc voiced by Dan Castalanetta) would use the "hard G" pronounciation.

[JustADude]

Rarely these days, there might be a floppy drive. This is a low-capacity, removable disk technology, and is not a payment slot for credit cards or other money.

Every PC I've built (all 3 of 'em at this point, not counting upgrades) has had a multi-function "Media Reader" that I can use for reading memory sticks (SD, CF, and about 15 others on the one on my own rig). I haven't had to use it but once in two years, but I always shell out the extra five bucks to get one that can do floppies as well.

[Chromatix]

I wasn't trying to be *completely* exhaustive. That would just take too long.

In most cases, a computer with a card reader will either have it built into the case or on a USB dongle. I tend to assume that people know what USB is for, unless demonstrated otherwise.

As it happens, I still have a floppy drive in at least one of my computers, together with one or two spares. It rarely gets used, but it's one of those things that is extremely useful when it is needed. The most recent use was to make a Windows driver disk for somebody who needed to do a fresh install on a rather old machine.

[Dreamstalker]

I haven't had to use it but once in two years, but I always shell out the extra five bucks to get one that can do floppies as well.

I use floppy drives mainly for BIOS flashes (heard too many horror stories about the Windows-based flash utils that some motherboard vendors have), as well as for recovering data from old floppy discs if someone happens to throw one my way.

[JustADude]

I use floppy drives mainly for BIOS flashes

That's exactly what I used mine for, too.