The Chronicles of PigPen

[clowninasack]

I don't even know where to start with PigPen. PigPen is a big, smelly, dirty, compulsive liar. He almost never buys anything and he ALWAYS tries to chat with us for as long as he can. Also, PigPen REEKS of -- dirtyness. I can't even describe the smell to you. He literally just smells "dirty". It's definately not BO, but a smell that he picks up somewhere. He actually looks a lot like PigPen from the Charlie Brown cartoons.After he leaves we often have to spray air freshener around the store and keep the doors open. You remember how I told you he was a compulsive liar? He comes up with the most outrageous lies. For instance this conversation:

PP: PigPen

PP: *rambles on about his 16Ghz (you know you can add all the cores together and that's how fast the processor is!) computer with 14Pb of RAM or some shit* Yeah, I got it liquid cooled and everything. I've actually had ICE build up on the outside of the computer!!!!
Me: Uh huh. I'm kinda busy and can't chat right now.
PP: Oh well I just wanted to find out if you guys sell McAfee for servers.
Me: No, we only carry Norton (I know *cringe*).
PP: Can you order it in? My subscription is going to expire in a month.
Me: Uh, I'll have to check on that for you. *taps on keyboard while actually doing nothing* You'll probably have better luck on their website.
PP: Oh I don't have a credit card. Are you sure you can't order it?
Me: You can get prepaid credit cards up to $100 at pretty much any gas station around here.
PP: Oh.
Me: Anything else I can do for you?
PP: Yeah, I have the special server version on my computer. It actually tracks down the hackers and reports them to the FBI and Secret Service!!! (We're in Canada, BTW) Did you know where most of the hackers are in the world?
Me: China?
PP: No, JAPAN! Well actually it's not in number of hackers, but in the number of HACKS. There's only like a hundred of them, but they do most of the hacks.
Me: Uh-huh.
PP: Hey do you know what the penalty for hacking in Japan is?!
Me: Nope.
PP: DEATH! (He said it in the most epic voice possible)

At this point my coworker in the back starts laughing his ass off and I start cracking a smile. Said coworker pages the front desk phone and I answer it to get away from him. He eventually decides to leave.

This guy was actually kind of entertaining the first few times I saw him, but he will just not leave and let me get my work done. Plus he stinks up the store. I'm sure I'll have more PigPen stories to post.

[wraiths_crono]

.....Tazer....... that is all.....

[Mr. Rude]

Dang.... This guy sounds like a few of my "customers". Chatty, ill kempt , generally boring & long winded.

[HawaiianShirts]

My sympathies. I have two customers who, rolled together, might give PigPen a run for his money on the lies and the smell, but I've never had to deal with both of them in the same day.

[clowninasack]

.....Tazer....... that is all.....

Hehe, I wish!

Dang.... This guy sounds like a few of my "customers". Chatty, ill kempt , generally boring & long winded.

My sympathies. I have two customers who, rolled together, might give PigPen a run for his money on the lies and the smell, but I've never had to deal with both of them in the same day.

Be very glad... He came in today and I had to deal with him. Luckily a real customer came in. He started harassing her about not having a DVI port on her computer and when she gave him a dirty look he left. Hahahaha. Luckily he didn't stay long enough for the store to need airing out.