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I work late night tech support 1st tier helpdesk for a large company.
So as to not expose the name of the company or my identity to cause a bunch of legal issues and possibly losing my job, I won't state the name of the company or the type of industry that it is. Some of my explanations might be a bit vague, my apologies beforehand.
Wherein I encounter the suckitude combo of ignorance, arrogance and stupidity
My first example:
This call came in around 11pm.
ME: Me
SC: Sucky Customer
ME: (Intro)
SC: I have this Excel file and I'm trying to export all of the worksheets (20+ of them) into a Powerpoint file. I don't want to do this manually. I want it all done in one shot, one worksheet per slide, automatically resized perfectly with the click of 2-3 buttons. Now.
I get a remote session on him and take a look and try my damnest without success.
I google searched a possible result, nothing.
I checked company KB.. nothing.
I checkes MS KB.. nothing.
Excel Help.. Nothing.
Powerpoint Help..NOTHING!
ME: I've researched this and what you're wanting is not possible. You'll have to do each one manually.
SC: Bullshit! It can be done. You're incompetent. Put someone on the phone that knows what they're doing!
(I consult with my other tech who's staffed at night. He said it's not possible.)
ME: I just asked my colleague, he said that it's not possible.
SC: Why?
ME: It's a limitation of the software.
SC: Okay, this is unacceptable. You need to go research and find the fix and email it to me or give me a valid explanation why it won't work. *click*
A valid explanation? So, software limitations isn't valid? You want me to say that Excel and Powerpoint just decided to be pissy today and don't want to do anything today until they get their bailout? Is Microsoft just emo and cut themselves and crying and don't want to work? Sir, please tell me what you would classify as a "Valid" explanation. You're way out of touch with reality and need to download some common sense. Thank you.
My second example:
This call came in around midnite.
A little forewarning about our helpdesk. On weekends, it's 2 techs working 6a-6p, then 2 techs working 6p-6a. This becomes relevant later on in this story.
Basically this call is from an internal employee who's visiting a hospital using a company laptop to connect to their wireless internet service. I did all possible troubleshooting steps (Disable proxy, Turned off proprietary wireless connectivity software, enable windows wireless configuration, check for valid IP address, ensure TCP/IP is set for DHCP, ping tests, etc.) and have isolated the issue to being the hospital's wireless router and/or ISP.
ME: It appears that this issue is something the hospital tech support will need to resolve as it appears you can't get traffic past the hospital's router.
SC: Well, now you tell me after trying to work with another tech 3 hours ago and never received a callback. Your helpdesk techs just waste my time when I could be sleeping at this hospital instead of trying to surf the internet.
(This is where the relevance kicks in. The last shift change was 6 hours ago, not 3. Customer is lying. I decide not to argue it. For all I know, the customer is a patient at the hospital and don't want to cause any excess stress.)
I get her to give me the phone number to the hospital's tech support and I call it in an attempt to conference it in. I reach voicemail stating that for tech support issues contact the patient representative. I drop the line and let the customer know and the answer was not liked one bit.
I politely end the call at that, apologizing profusely. Here's what I really wanted to tell this person:
"Oh, so you think that for not having internet service for 3 hours somehow unlocks some sort of secret of the universe that automatically entitles you to having me defy laws of physics and IT ethics by hacking that hospital's network and fix their router so you can have internet access? Do me a favor. Take your thorazine, your morphine or whatever painkillers you've got there... and go to bed. The internet doesn't want you right now."
So as to not expose the name of the company or my identity to cause a bunch of legal issues and possibly losing my job, I won't state the name of the company or the type of industry that it is. Some of my explanations might be a bit vague, my apologies beforehand.
Wherein I encounter the suckitude combo of ignorance, arrogance and stupidity
My first example:
This call came in around 11pm.
ME: Me
SC: Sucky Customer
ME: (Intro)
SC: I have this Excel file and I'm trying to export all of the worksheets (20+ of them) into a Powerpoint file. I don't want to do this manually. I want it all done in one shot, one worksheet per slide, automatically resized perfectly with the click of 2-3 buttons. Now.
I get a remote session on him and take a look and try my damnest without success.
I google searched a possible result, nothing.
I checked company KB.. nothing.
I checkes MS KB.. nothing.
Excel Help.. Nothing.
Powerpoint Help..NOTHING!
ME: I've researched this and what you're wanting is not possible. You'll have to do each one manually.
SC: Bullshit! It can be done. You're incompetent. Put someone on the phone that knows what they're doing!
(I consult with my other tech who's staffed at night. He said it's not possible.)
ME: I just asked my colleague, he said that it's not possible.
SC: Why?
ME: It's a limitation of the software.
SC: Okay, this is unacceptable. You need to go research and find the fix and email it to me or give me a valid explanation why it won't work. *click*
A valid explanation? So, software limitations isn't valid? You want me to say that Excel and Powerpoint just decided to be pissy today and don't want to do anything today until they get their bailout? Is Microsoft just emo and cut themselves and crying and don't want to work? Sir, please tell me what you would classify as a "Valid" explanation. You're way out of touch with reality and need to download some common sense. Thank you.
My second example:
This call came in around midnite.
A little forewarning about our helpdesk. On weekends, it's 2 techs working 6a-6p, then 2 techs working 6p-6a. This becomes relevant later on in this story.
Basically this call is from an internal employee who's visiting a hospital using a company laptop to connect to their wireless internet service. I did all possible troubleshooting steps (Disable proxy, Turned off proprietary wireless connectivity software, enable windows wireless configuration, check for valid IP address, ensure TCP/IP is set for DHCP, ping tests, etc.) and have isolated the issue to being the hospital's wireless router and/or ISP.
ME: It appears that this issue is something the hospital tech support will need to resolve as it appears you can't get traffic past the hospital's router.
SC: Well, now you tell me after trying to work with another tech 3 hours ago and never received a callback. Your helpdesk techs just waste my time when I could be sleeping at this hospital instead of trying to surf the internet.
(This is where the relevance kicks in. The last shift change was 6 hours ago, not 3. Customer is lying. I decide not to argue it. For all I know, the customer is a patient at the hospital and don't want to cause any excess stress.)
I get her to give me the phone number to the hospital's tech support and I call it in an attempt to conference it in. I reach voicemail stating that for tech support issues contact the patient representative. I drop the line and let the customer know and the answer was not liked one bit.
I politely end the call at that, apologizing profusely. Here's what I really wanted to tell this person:
"Oh, so you think that for not having internet service for 3 hours somehow unlocks some sort of secret of the universe that automatically entitles you to having me defy laws of physics and IT ethics by hacking that hospital's network and fix their router so you can have internet access? Do me a favor. Take your thorazine, your morphine or whatever painkillers you've got there... and go to bed. The internet doesn't want you right now."
(Brain breaks) um.. hmm... erm... 
SC
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