Definitions

[that_chick_in_I.T.]

Troubleshoot (v) To employ technology and reason to best deduce how the customer just screwed this up.

Any more?

[nekoro]

Motherboard: What you probably just destroyed after I heard the fateful words "No, don't send a tech, I can do this." *Sizzle*

[technical.angel]

Supportable Client: The people who bring us food.

Jenni

[Geek King]

Local Support : Your buddy who swore up and down that installing that new video card was "no big deal" and could do it for you in return for a beer.

[Dreamstalker]

Good Customer: Expect you to install pirated software for them because they either

A. "spend X amount with you guys, can't you do me just this one favor?" or
B. are "broke"/cheap

[lordlundar]

Local Technical Expert:The guy down the street who can turn on the computer and that's it.

[Depot Denizen]

Warranty: That service contract you just voided by spilling a class of beer onto your laptop.

[Phone Jockey]

MODEM: What the customer just drilled through while trying to remove the "top" of it. !!

[Rapscallion]

Stickied this one - makes it easier to turn this into front page material.

Cursetomer - a patron who cannot stop swearing.

Rapscallion

[that_chick_in_I.T.]

I fired my webmaster: How you just lost your site. Next time, make sure your webmaster doesn't legally own the site before you try to screw him over.

I am a webmaster: You can create a hyperlink in FrontPage, and you think you're hot shiat.

[lordlundar]

Thanks Raps!

In-home tech support: Your little kid who you think knows everything about computers that got you into that mess in the first place.

I'm not gonna explain my role in THAT one.

[TNT]

BOX: (usage: my box ain't workin'.) 1. Modem 2. Router 3. Computer 4. Digital converter 5. Television 6. Video Game system 7. VCR 8. DVD 9. two are more of the previous items in combination 10. any other equipment connected directly or indirectly, intentionally or accidentally, to any other electronic item.

[Delacroix]

Void Warranty: It's either been 5 years since you bought the thing, or your kid thought that taking a hammer to that gamecube wouldn't break it. Either way, it means no matter how "good" the warranty was, you can't use it.

[Seshat]

Complies with accessibility guidelines: The main content is done in Flash (or Shockwave, or Buzzword-of-the-week), but the contract the techs have says to make the rest of the site accessible to the disabled.


(Yes, I was on the tech team for that one. We did what we could.)

[repsac]

Laptop That thing which gets insanely hot and nearly starts a fire that the customer complains about. Typically caused by a large ammount of dust or pubic hair in the fans.

Keyboard An object specifically designed to attact all manner of dirt, dust, and hair. Sometimes used to type.

Stuck Key An error that is directly related to how much cola was spilled on the keyboard. At least you hope it was cola.

ID ten T error Used by tech support to explain that the customer screwed it up himself. Usually tacks on a 50% higher charge to fix.