Crossposted
Multi-misconception!
I work in remote-access tech support. We partner with various stores to white-label services to end users.
As far as I can see the only possible fault of mine on this one is that I didn't explicitly tell him we're an entirely
different company from who would handle the plan he bought. I think he should still have got the hint. Thoughts?
Misconceptions:
1. A half-hour queue means the service is not "24/7".
2. If you argue long enough, we will magically become the right call center.
3. Even though you are calling customer service at 0200, no one else in the continent should be doing so and you should expect
immediate service and call the rep a liar when he says there has been a backup.
Legend:
Customer
Me
Comments/what I wish I could say
Hi, this is Jack, what can I do for you?
Yeah, um, I bought an Epson computer, uh, today. I registered -- uh, not a computer, a printer -- and bought this 24/7
service. I been waiting a half an hour to talk to somebody, listening to music, and saying "We'll be with you shortly." Is
that 24/7 service?
We do offer 24/7 service. I apologize for the wait but we have had an unexpected backup here. What is it I can help you
with?
Yeah, well I don't consider it 24/7 service when I gotta wait half an hour to speak to somebody. That's not 24/7 service.
That's [unintelligible]. I'm trying to set this printer up through the software package. I'm at the first step and there's
already a problem. I was told at the store that to set it up you want to put in the CD first before you do anything and get it
programmed through the CD.
All right, and did you buy--
So I need somebody to walk me through what needs to be done.
Okay, and have you bought a printer setup service at [partner store] there?
Yes.
Okay, and did they give you a service card with that?
No.
Okay, did they give you any work order number?
No.
Okay, did you give them an e-mail address?
Uhhhhh, yes.
Okay, what would that be, please?
[E-mail address]
You know, I'm wondering whether I even gave my e-mail. I can't even remember. I don't think I might have given my e-mail, I
don't think they asked for it.
Hmm, okay.
I can't find him in our system. I tell him so.
I got this thing half an hour ago, forty-five minutes ago.
And you then had time to drive home, take the printer out of the box, try to set it up, fail, and call two different call
centers before reaching me and claiming a wait time of 50 minutes total (30 on ours and 20 on theirs)?
Okay, and was this a printer setup service or the protection plan?
Say again?
Was this a printer setup service or a protection plan?
Protection plan.
Okay, I see. This number here that you have, we're just the people who do specific tech services. It's not associated with
the plan. I'll just have to get you the right number for them.
Okay, wait a second. I've already talked to the people on registering at telephone number [PP number]. They gave me this
number to call. Now you're gonna give me another number and I'm gonna have to wait again? I'll tell you what. Tomorrow
morning, I'm calling Visa, cancelling out the payment against both this plan and the printer, because it's a bogus contract.
Okay, I'm sorry you feel that way, but that really has nothing to do with us. The 0013 number that you called, those are
people who would handle this.
I love when people threaten to return products I have absolutely nothing to do with. I get to find a nice, roundabout
way to tell them I don't give a shit.
They told me, they gave me this number and said you would handle it!
Unfortunately, we only do the specific tech services, such as if you had bought a printer setup service. In that case, we
would be remoting into your computer to set up the printer for you, but what the protection plan is, is basically a long-term
warranty sort of thing, and I think they might do over-the-phone customer service as well.
Long-term what? A long-term what?
As far as I know, the protection plan is a long-term warranty of sorts with some customer service options. But you might
need to call that other number back and tell them you have the protection plan, and have them clarify exactly what that is
for.
Can you connect me to them? I had to wait another 20 minutes to call them back waiting on the line before you people answered.
Sure, I'll give them a call and see if I can get you connected there. Can you ho--
I mean, it's two o'clock in the morning. And you gotta wait half an hour to speak to somebody? What the hell are you people
doing? Sleeping?
Yeah, if I can help it.
Okay, as I said, if you like, I can give them a call, if you'll hold for a couple of minutes, please.
[long silence]
Okay, would that be okay?
Well, do I have any choice?
No, you absolutely must do what I'm offering. Now hold or I'll kill you.
Well, you can call them yourself or I can call them for you. It's up to you.
No, I've already tried calling them, and I get a voicemail, saying "We have fantastic service, can you wait." And I've
listened to that for 20 minutes, which is quite irritating.
Okay, I'll give them a call for you then. Hold on, please.
I place cust on hold and open new line to call the right call center.
ringy-dingy
I navigate through the IVR to the right dept. for customer's product and get into the queue. I sit on hold for a couple of
minutes, fortunately with no music.
I switch to line 1
Okay, sir?
Yes?
It'll be just a minute while I get someone here, okay? I'll be right back with you.
No response
I switch to line 2 and wait a couple more minutes.
Okay, sir?
Okay, what?
Right now we've gone through the menu and we're waiting for a representative there, but unfortunately there's no way to
tell how long it's going to be until someone answers.
I see a thing that says twenty. Four. Seven. This is a freaking bogus plan. You're lying. 24/7 doesn't mean to wait half an
hour or an hour to speak to somebody.
Oh, now you've done it. Don't you dare call me a liar when I'm trying to help you, you little fuck.
I'm afraid I don't know anything about that. It's an entirely different call cen--
Do you have a supervisor?
Maybe I should just say no, then what are you going to do, hot shit?
Yes I do, would you like to speak to her?
Yeah.
All right, one moment please. I'll have to give her a call and see if she's available.
Another bogus answer.
Okay, I'll be right back with you, okay?
You're gonna come back and say she's not available.
Fuck you.
We'll see what happens then, okay? I'll be right back.
We're supposed to get "permission" to put people on hold but eventually you have to cut the indecisive bullshit and just do
it.
I IM my sup ("Hi, I have an idiot, I mean sup call..." and explain what's going on. She doesn't say she wants to take the
call but doesn't say she doesn't want to either. She tells me to direct him to the right number again because there's nothing
we can do for him here. I make sure I do understand what I'm talking about and that we have nothing to do with the protection
plan. After a few minutes of chatting I ask her for a yes or no to taking the sup call so I can get this guy off my hold. He
is on hold for about 6.5 minutes.
Okay, sir?
Are you freaking kidding me?
Yeah! Haha! Just kidding. Here, let's get your printer set up now.
I'm sorry about that wait. Goodness, poor baby, you had to wait nearly seven minutes out of your whole life for me to
fulfill YOUR request. Oh, cry me river, build a bridge and fuck off. It took a while getting in touch with her.
Unfortunately she isn't available at this point, but--
What did I tell you was gonna happen before this freaking-- before you got back on the line? What the freaking hell is going
on here? This is bullshit!
Aha! My chance!
Sir, I'm going to have to ask you not to swear at me or I'll have to end the call, okay? I can help you, but if you're not
going to be civil I can't do anything for you.
To be clear, I don't really care about swearing. I swear all the time. People around me swear all the time. I just don't
care. But when someone is shouting, and swearing AT me, and insulting my and my company's credibility, and I don't have to sit
around and tolerate it, I might decide not to.
I want your name.
My name is Jack.
And I need your ID number.
We don't have "ID numbers" according to my sups and I don't want to deal with that shit with him so I just give him the
login number I use to sign in to the phone switch which I guess is the closest we have.
I need to know the supervisor's name that you're trying to get a hold of.
My supervisor is ...
[verifies name]?
Correct.
And what is her ID number?
Unfortunately I don't know that, but she is the only [name].
Okay? What the he-- What is the problem? It's two o'clock in the morning. Who are you people talking to that you are so
freaking busy?
That would be other customers, sir. There is only one team on nights here, so it can get backed up sometimes if we get more
calls than expected.
At two o'clock in the morning?
Yes.
BS. BS. He just said "bee ess" so I let it slide.
And yet here you are talking to me at two in the morning. I guess you can't even believe yourself.
In any case, I did speak to my supervisor, and she clarified that there's nothing we can do for you here, since we have
nothing to do with the protection plan.
Well, tomorrow, this printer and your plan will be taken back and they can stick it up their ass tomorrow.
I say nothing more and end the call.
Multi-misconception!
I work in remote-access tech support. We partner with various stores to white-label services to end users.
As far as I can see the only possible fault of mine on this one is that I didn't explicitly tell him we're an entirely
different company from who would handle the plan he bought. I think he should still have got the hint. Thoughts?
Misconceptions:
1. A half-hour queue means the service is not "24/7".
2. If you argue long enough, we will magically become the right call center.
3. Even though you are calling customer service at 0200, no one else in the continent should be doing so and you should expect
immediate service and call the rep a liar when he says there has been a backup.
Legend:
Customer
Me
Comments/what I wish I could say
Hi, this is Jack, what can I do for you?
Yeah, um, I bought an Epson computer, uh, today. I registered -- uh, not a computer, a printer -- and bought this 24/7
service. I been waiting a half an hour to talk to somebody, listening to music, and saying "We'll be with you shortly." Is
that 24/7 service?
We do offer 24/7 service. I apologize for the wait but we have had an unexpected backup here. What is it I can help you
with?
Yeah, well I don't consider it 24/7 service when I gotta wait half an hour to speak to somebody. That's not 24/7 service.
That's [unintelligible]. I'm trying to set this printer up through the software package. I'm at the first step and there's
already a problem. I was told at the store that to set it up you want to put in the CD first before you do anything and get it
programmed through the CD.
All right, and did you buy--
So I need somebody to walk me through what needs to be done.
Okay, and have you bought a printer setup service at [partner store] there?
Yes.
Okay, and did they give you a service card with that?
No.
Okay, did they give you any work order number?
No.
Okay, did you give them an e-mail address?
Uhhhhh, yes.
Okay, what would that be, please?
[E-mail address]
You know, I'm wondering whether I even gave my e-mail. I can't even remember. I don't think I might have given my e-mail, I
don't think they asked for it.
Hmm, okay.
I can't find him in our system. I tell him so.
I got this thing half an hour ago, forty-five minutes ago.
And you then had time to drive home, take the printer out of the box, try to set it up, fail, and call two different call
centers before reaching me and claiming a wait time of 50 minutes total (30 on ours and 20 on theirs)?
Okay, and was this a printer setup service or the protection plan?
Say again?
Was this a printer setup service or a protection plan?
Protection plan.
Okay, I see. This number here that you have, we're just the people who do specific tech services. It's not associated with
the plan. I'll just have to get you the right number for them.
Okay, wait a second. I've already talked to the people on registering at telephone number [PP number]. They gave me this
number to call. Now you're gonna give me another number and I'm gonna have to wait again? I'll tell you what. Tomorrow
morning, I'm calling Visa, cancelling out the payment against both this plan and the printer, because it's a bogus contract.
Okay, I'm sorry you feel that way, but that really has nothing to do with us. The 0013 number that you called, those are
people who would handle this.
I love when people threaten to return products I have absolutely nothing to do with. I get to find a nice, roundabout
way to tell them I don't give a shit.
They told me, they gave me this number and said you would handle it!
Unfortunately, we only do the specific tech services, such as if you had bought a printer setup service. In that case, we
would be remoting into your computer to set up the printer for you, but what the protection plan is, is basically a long-term
warranty sort of thing, and I think they might do over-the-phone customer service as well.
Long-term what? A long-term what?
As far as I know, the protection plan is a long-term warranty of sorts with some customer service options. But you might
need to call that other number back and tell them you have the protection plan, and have them clarify exactly what that is
for.
Can you connect me to them? I had to wait another 20 minutes to call them back waiting on the line before you people answered.
Sure, I'll give them a call and see if I can get you connected there. Can you ho--
I mean, it's two o'clock in the morning. And you gotta wait half an hour to speak to somebody? What the hell are you people
doing? Sleeping?
Yeah, if I can help it.
Okay, as I said, if you like, I can give them a call, if you'll hold for a couple of minutes, please.
[long silence]
Okay, would that be okay?
Well, do I have any choice?
No, you absolutely must do what I'm offering. Now hold or I'll kill you.
Well, you can call them yourself or I can call them for you. It's up to you.
No, I've already tried calling them, and I get a voicemail, saying "We have fantastic service, can you wait." And I've
listened to that for 20 minutes, which is quite irritating.
Okay, I'll give them a call for you then. Hold on, please.
I place cust on hold and open new line to call the right call center.
ringy-dingy
I navigate through the IVR to the right dept. for customer's product and get into the queue. I sit on hold for a couple of
minutes, fortunately with no music.
I switch to line 1
Okay, sir?
Yes?
It'll be just a minute while I get someone here, okay? I'll be right back with you.
No response
I switch to line 2 and wait a couple more minutes.
Okay, sir?
Okay, what?
Right now we've gone through the menu and we're waiting for a representative there, but unfortunately there's no way to
tell how long it's going to be until someone answers.
I see a thing that says twenty. Four. Seven. This is a freaking bogus plan. You're lying. 24/7 doesn't mean to wait half an
hour or an hour to speak to somebody.
Oh, now you've done it. Don't you dare call me a liar when I'm trying to help you, you little fuck.
I'm afraid I don't know anything about that. It's an entirely different call cen--
Do you have a supervisor?
Maybe I should just say no, then what are you going to do, hot shit?
Yes I do, would you like to speak to her?
Yeah.
All right, one moment please. I'll have to give her a call and see if she's available.
Another bogus answer.
Okay, I'll be right back with you, okay?
You're gonna come back and say she's not available.
Fuck you.
We'll see what happens then, okay? I'll be right back.
We're supposed to get "permission" to put people on hold but eventually you have to cut the indecisive bullshit and just do
it.
I IM my sup ("Hi, I have an idiot, I mean sup call..." and explain what's going on. She doesn't say she wants to take the
call but doesn't say she doesn't want to either. She tells me to direct him to the right number again because there's nothing
we can do for him here. I make sure I do understand what I'm talking about and that we have nothing to do with the protection
plan. After a few minutes of chatting I ask her for a yes or no to taking the sup call so I can get this guy off my hold. He
is on hold for about 6.5 minutes.
Okay, sir?
Are you freaking kidding me?
Yeah! Haha! Just kidding. Here, let's get your printer set up now.
I'm sorry about that wait. Goodness, poor baby, you had to wait nearly seven minutes out of your whole life for me to
fulfill YOUR request. Oh, cry me river, build a bridge and fuck off. It took a while getting in touch with her.
Unfortunately she isn't available at this point, but--
What did I tell you was gonna happen before this freaking-- before you got back on the line? What the freaking hell is going
on here? This is bullshit!
Aha! My chance!
Sir, I'm going to have to ask you not to swear at me or I'll have to end the call, okay? I can help you, but if you're not
going to be civil I can't do anything for you.
To be clear, I don't really care about swearing. I swear all the time. People around me swear all the time. I just don't
care. But when someone is shouting, and swearing AT me, and insulting my and my company's credibility, and I don't have to sit
around and tolerate it, I might decide not to.
I want your name.
My name is Jack.
And I need your ID number.
We don't have "ID numbers" according to my sups and I don't want to deal with that shit with him so I just give him the
login number I use to sign in to the phone switch which I guess is the closest we have.
I need to know the supervisor's name that you're trying to get a hold of.
My supervisor is ...
[verifies name]?
Correct.
And what is her ID number?
Unfortunately I don't know that, but she is the only [name].
Okay? What the he-- What is the problem? It's two o'clock in the morning. Who are you people talking to that you are so
freaking busy?
That would be other customers, sir. There is only one team on nights here, so it can get backed up sometimes if we get more
calls than expected.
At two o'clock in the morning?
Yes.
BS. BS. He just said "bee ess" so I let it slide.
And yet here you are talking to me at two in the morning. I guess you can't even believe yourself.
In any case, I did speak to my supervisor, and she clarified that there's nothing we can do for you here, since we have
nothing to do with the protection plan.
Well, tomorrow, this printer and your plan will be taken back and they can stick it up their ass tomorrow.
I say nothing more and end the call.
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