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Men Kissing Men

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  • Men Kissing Men

    Bad language, sorry.

    Men kissing Men

    Years ago I managed a video and music store. It was, for the most part a good job. There were the normal SCs who I tried my best to disarm with wit and charm. Then there were the people who just wanted to make a scene.

    I though for sure this I would get fired by the corporate boss after this stunt. To this day I don’t know what came over me. I guess I just snapped.

    M – Me ( the hero, maybe)
    E – Erik (co-worker)
    SC – Rude lady

    I was at the counter checking in videos. Customers would often come up and ask questions. Being a slow day I was much happier than normal. Low stress=good mood. Erik worked the till and hummed a happy song. Things were right in the world.

    An older woman walked up the counter with a DVD in her hand. She had that walk of a person with a purpose. I knew my good day was coming to an end.

    SC – I want my money back!

    She tossed a DVD on the counter. Nice, strike one.

    M – Did it not work?

    SC – It worked fine, it was just the most vile movie I have ever seen. Vile and sick.

    M – We don’t give a credit if you don’t like the movie, sorry. I would be happy to help you locate a movie you might like more.

    SC – What! Are you crazy? I said this is filth. I want it pulled form your store.

    M - ……..

    SC – NOW!

    I picked up the DVD and checked it in. It was late. The movie was Big Daddy.

    M – How was this offensive?

    SC – Two men kissed. That’s wrong. It’s wrong in society. It’s wrong before God. It’s horrible, horrible, and horrible!

    She was turning red and getting louder.

    M – Well as I said we don’t give credits because a customer dislikes the movie……

    SC – This is not about content. It’s wrong and evil. These fags are here to destroy us with their AIDS! You will do what I want.

    Out of the corner of my eye I saw Erik turn around. Now Erik is a great guy and he kisses men. He was turning red too. I thought I should defuse this and quick.

    M – Tell you what, I will credit your late fee and help you find a movie to your liking.


    M – I am the manager.

    SC – Pull this fag loving movie from your shelves!

    M – I have a better idea.

    I will never know why I did what I did. I yanked Erik over and kissed him. It was not much of a kiss. I only kiss girls and he kisses boys but I kissed him.


    She screamed. The girl working music started running up. I waved her off. The SC looked like she was being electrified with all the twitching. She grabbed a customer comment card and ran out the door. I mean a full sprint.

    M – Shit she’s going to complain to corporate. Erik?

    Erik had fallen to his knees laughing.

    M – Stop it.

    Erik – Can’t.

    M – What did you see today?

    Erik – Nothing (he was almost crying) Nothing man.

    M – I’m gonna get fired.

    Erik – No one saw anything. Can you man the till I can’t get up.

    M – Sure. Hey don’t tell Sarah (my girlfriend).

    Erik – Maybe….. (He never did)

    I still thank my lucky stars we were dead that day.


    Two weeks later the regional manager paid a visit. It was the normal sales and personal meeting. At the end of it he seemed to get uncomfortable.

    RM – I had a complaint card mailed to me about clerks kissing and I was wondering………

    M – I always tell the staff not to be affectionate with their boyfriends of girlfriends. I will mention it again in the next store meeting.

    RM – It was, well, a boy, boy kiss.

    M – Weird.

    RM – The card also said something about dirty movies and going to hell.

    M – Did the card have a phone number on it? I would be happy to give them a call. (Talk about a bluff)

    RM – No. Please just keep an eye out.

    M – Sure.

    I was so relieved. I though I was getting fired. Somehow the corporate people always seem know more than they let on.
    I told Erik I was in the clear.
    He celebrated by putting on a Ricky Martin tee shirt that was two sizes to small, making the music girl put Ricky Martin’s CD on the store player and dancing around the store.

    I never told Sarah ether………..