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The intercom
Old 10-30-2008, 08:19 PM
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Mister Mister is offline
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Posts: 84
Default The intercom

Surprisingly, hardly noticed by customers. But to the new employees, the knowledge everyone in the store is going to hear them just breaks out the Brain Burps. Bless their little inexperienced hearts

The normal, experienced way:
"Employee to the carpets please" or "Bob, please call phone 22"

The usual , inexperienced way:
"Employee to the furniture please", (furniture takes about half the store, makes it hard to know where the employee needs to go)

The rude, inexperienced way:
"Ehh, ehh, oh shit", customers did notice that one. Surprisingly, the manager was not pleased.

The unclear, inexperienced way:
"Bob, please call phone,... I don't know"

The ultimate unclear, inexperienced way;
"Employee to the living department please", (except for the check-out, that constitutes the entire store)

My own, inexperienced way:
Answering the phone over the intercom and being surprised there is no reply.
"Good afternoon, company xyz.......hello.... ehhm"

Enyone else got some blunders over the broadcasting?

Old 10-31-2008, 12:29 AM
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Nashida Nashida is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Land of Dragons, MA, Ewe Essay
Posts: 646

I'm actually quite guilty of the "Ehh...ehh...oh shit" one, but thankfully Bossman!K was awesome about it. 'Course, he's the same one's who played our Bullshit button over the intercom, so the whole store heard" I can smell that bullshit a mile away!"

Old 10-31-2008, 01:28 AM
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fireheart fireheart is offline
The Christmas Tree Ninja!
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 5,617

I've started giggling in the middle of using the intercom. I haven't done the "oh shit" before, although last night, one thing I heard was "<nightfill manager> contact moby....mobile."
My favourite one though was "produce, can you please come to...sorry, groceries can you please come to..."
The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

Now queen of USSR-Land...

Old 10-31-2008, 02:51 AM
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Amina516 Amina516 is offline
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,794

Some of the "funnier" guys at my job will use the intercom to page someone to call number ####. Only problem is number #### IS the number for the overhead page system, so youll get lots of people not paying attention, dialing the intercom number and youll hear them breathing and then "HELLO HELLO anyone there???" Sometimes they drop the phone which is equally hilarious. Our pages go out over multiple floors in different departments, and we're good at telling voices, so we can make fun of them later....

Old 10-31-2008, 03:48 AM
mattm04 mattm04 is offline
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Location: Between Boston and NY
Posts: 2,702

One of our managers did this once "Um, John, please call extension, um, ....... uh, extension, uh, extension, right, extension XXX.

Old 10-31-2008, 08:19 PM
Overcooked Overcooked is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: WayTooConservativeNowhere, MO, USA
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Explanation on mild restaurant variant: Our mics are only supposed to go to the back of house prep areas, but they are easily heard by the entire restaurant. One on the server's side by the front counter seating and one on the grill line side hidden between two Microwaves. Only place on entire line that customers can't see your head from any seating area.

"Hey *KP's Name Removed*, uh, out call on that, uh, Cranberry Sh*t whatever it is" ~ our 14 year vet day cook.
*Manager unhappy explaining profanity to seniors at checkout*

While witnessing an SC try to con his way out of paying full price on a carryout order...
"*Manager's Name Removed* needs to quit looking at pr0n on the back office comp and respond to an SC-Code 12" ~Me
I can get away with that on swing shift >:D

And, my proud moment, "Oh Nine Hells, I think they're gonna run for it, Cashier to front stand, STAT!"
*Customers freeze halfway through an open door looking like they soiled themselves. Best. Face. Ever.*

Old 11-01-2008, 05:34 AM
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powerboy powerboy is offline
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,094

I only made one mistake on it. And that was because a coworker beside me, bumped into me.

Old 11-02-2008, 03:28 PM
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LingualMonkey LingualMonkey is offline
Cunning Linguist
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 212

This isn't mine, but my sister's.

Years ago, she worked at K-Mart. Our local K had a deli department, and that's where she worked. After a few months, she had the responsibility of making the announcements of any deli specials.

The announcements were written up for her--all she had to do was read them. At the bottom was an acronym that stood for "Thank you for shopping at K-Mart."

Sis read her announcement with no troubles, then announced, "And as always, TYFSAK." She read the acronym rather than what it stood for.

Enjoy my latest stupid quest for immortality. http://1001plus.blogspot.com/

Old 11-03-2008, 03:48 AM
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fireheart fireheart is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 5,617

More funny than brain burp-ery but when I was on the plastic-bag-free checkout the other day (my sup believes that I do better on there despite having to yell every 4-5 customers that it's plastic bag free). I was getting sick and tired of repeating myself for every single customer that rocked up, so in the end, I picked up the PA and made the following call 4 times in about 2-3 hours.

"Attention customers, there is currently nobody waiting at <checkout> however please be advised that this is a plastic bag free register...." this was how it started.

First time around: "...thankyou"
Second time around: "...I repeat this is a plastic bag free register, have a lovely day" (I got paid out for this one)
Third and fourth times: ...."on behalf of staff/management, I'd like to thank you for shopping at Supermarket Of Hell today."

I got paid out for the second one by my nightfill manager and the third/fourth ones by the nightfillers.
The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

Now queen of USSR-Land...

Old 11-04-2008, 04:43 AM
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Aramika Aramika is offline
Front End Supervisor
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Richmond, Virginia
Posts: 160

My manager (I'll call him Brian) came to my register once to use my intercom. He announced "Brian to manager's office please." I stopped scanning my customer's groceries and turned to look at him.

Me: You realize you just paged yourself right?
Brian: No I didn't.
Me: Yes, you did.
Brian: No, I paged Benny.
Me: No, you paged yourself!
Brian: *realization that he actually did page himself* Oh..... well..... you're fired! *walks off*
Me: Sure.....

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