Overheard in New York

[CaroPhoenix]

Loooooooooove it!

Pretty Soon You'll Hear the Pitter Patter of Tiny Sheets

Semi-sober girl: You going home to sleep it off?
Drunk girl: I'm gonna go home and make love to my bed... Make little cots...

--Bar, Bay Ridge

[AFpheonix]

From the office one:
5PM And I Wrote for SNL During Those Crappy Years

Coworker #1: Hey, can you download this script for me: 'I'm in Hell.'
Coworker #2: Oh my god, what happened? You were fine just a second ago! What's that script you want called?
Coworker #1: 'I'm in Hell,' and I'm fine.
Coworker #2: That's weird, having a script called 'I'm fine' when you're in Hell.
Coworker #1: No, not 'I'm fine' -- 'I'm in Hell.'
Coworker #2: Seriously? What's going on?!
Coworker #1: The script is 'I'm in Hell.' And I'm fine.
Coworker #2: Wait, what?
Coworker #1: [Sighs.]
Boss: This is lamest edition of 'Who's on first?' I've ever heard.


10AM And Each Evening I Hose Down the Sidewalk

Manager on phone: Yeah, I've got a little apartment on the gay side of the French quarter. Sometimes in the morning I have to beat them off to get out my doorway.



Boss: When, in the course of your life, you are traveling to the right you will find that you must take the toll road and pay your dues. There is no free road to the right.
Employee: Uh... Can I have my doughnut now?


Cube rat #1: Damn, you had braces for seven years and your teeth are still that fucked up?
Cube rat #2: Yeah? You've been on a diet for two years and your ass is still that fat?

[Gawdzillers]

Kid: Mom, where you at?
Mom: I'm right here, baby, and it's not where you at, it's where you is.
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Student, after two-hour lecture on Charles Darwin: Yo, professor?
Teacher: Yes, Phyllis?
Student: That Charlie -- he da man!
Teacher: Indeed! Charlie is the man, Phyllis! Excellent!
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Boyfriend: I love Barnes and Noble.
Girlfriend: Yeah, I love books.
Boyfriend: Me, too. I just wish I liked reading.
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Girl #1: Did you hook up with Josh last weekend?
Girl #2: Yeah, we got really drunk and I blew him and we did anal. I dunno if I want to lose my virginity with him, though.
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Little boy: Look, Mommy, Shrek has titties!

...And there's my new title.