Dear....

[SengaKitty]

Dear car,

you suck. 'nuff said.

unhappily
Me.

[Misanthropical]

Dear Misanthropical

Do I get first dibs?

PS, thanks for the straight line.

Rapscallion

Dear Raps,

Sorry, no.


Dear BossMan,

People who enjoy reading books are not freaks of nature. The fact that Whiner agreed with you should have proved my point.


Dear religious lady who sits next to me,

Every day when I come in I say hello to you. So, I thought I would see if you would say it first yesterday. You didn't say a word to me all shift.

Is that how God would want you to act? I know I freak you out with the plastic skulls on my desk, but really, did Jesus only talk to those who believed the same way he did? Think about it.


Dear Children,

I do not call all the time when I'm at work. I call to make sure you all made it home safely from school, that is not calling all the time and bugging you guys.

You all should realize by now I worry, so deal with it! I also miss you guys a lot when I'm at work.


Dear family,

How about you all clean up the house a bit when I'm at work? I can work full time and come home and clean the house! Help me out a bit here!

I did appreciate that you guys saved me some pizza last night. I was starving by the time I got home from work.

[iradney]

Dear TBS

You know I love you. And I know you've put all your stuff in storage before you go to visit your Mom. But please, ASK IF IT'S OK BEFORE YOU COME AND STAY WITH US FOR A FUCKING WEEK. I'm getting heartily tired of our house being treated like a halfway house, and you'll probably stay here for a couple weeks in January as well while you look for a place.

Frustrated and WISHING people would consult her on this shit before hand
Rads

ETA: Dear TTO

Obviously I need to stop paying rent. This is the second time that people have been invited to "live" with us for a while without me even being consulted or told or asked. I LIVE HERE TOO. I PAY RENT TOO. Therefore, I would at least like to be ASKED if it's ok

Fuming
Rads

[SengaKitty]

"dear" car,

After all I've been through this month, why did you choose NOW to become a death trap... I mean really was that necessary... I don't have four hundred dollars to fix you, let alone the money to replace you.... -sigh- I guess it's a blessing in disguise as I really hate my job.. but still I was going to try to find something better BEFORE quitting.... sheesh

No love
me

[crazylegs]

Dear Rads,

If I had spare space I'd offer it so you could have a week to yourself!

Crazylegs

[iradney]

Dear P

I always knew there was a reason I loved you
How you doing, btw?

Love
Rads

[crazylegs]

B

Well, it's not for my dashing good looks!

I'm bleh, to be honest.

P

[iradney]

Dear P

Pish posh, you're lovely to look at! *ogles*
Any reason why you're bleh, or is it just the "Oh god, I wish the silly season was OVER already" feeling?

B

[persephone]

Dear Hubby,

No, the "elf's" hiding place is not in the attic, the closet, the basement or any of the other very logical places for someone to hide gifts. You are not going to find them -- you have to wait until Christmas, just like Daughter and Son.

There's a reason I don't put your presents under the tree until we get to Mom and Daddy's. You are worse than the children about trying to figure out what you are getting! You really are a big kid when it comes to Christmas!

You're lucky I love you to pieces and think it's cute instead of finding it annoying!

Love,

your wife, the "Christmas Elf" in the house



Dear Daughter and Son,

I know you are both trying so very very hard to be good this Christmas season. Thank you for being calm and quiet and not demanding toys like so many other kids when we were in Wal-Mart this morning. Thank you for not destroying the Christmas decorations. Thank you for trying so hard. I know you slip up and get overwhelmed sometimes, but know what? That's okay. You're kids.

You really are great children and your Mommy and Daddy love you very very much.

Love,

Mommy



Dear Bassett Hound that just moved in next door,

I am sorry your family leaves you during the day. I am sorry you are lonely. I would come over and entertain you if I could but I don't know our new neighbors that well yet.

But could you please please please please please PLEASE stop howling all day long? It's heart wrenching to hear you sound so very sad.

If it makes you feel better, my Kitty Cat is standing at the back door and seems to want to come keep you company.

I'm sorry I can't help you!

your next door neighbor



Dear new neighbors,

Your dog is very lonely. Please play with him more.

Yours,

the next door neighbor with the kids

[Lioness Blackfire]

Dear Mysterious Substance on the Tarp in the Hayloft,

You are uniformly dark brown, sort of lumpy, rather stinky, and apparently still wet. You don't smell anything like excrement, or vomit, or rot. The roof doesn't appear to be leaking, though it's hard to tell today since it's dry.

What are you?

Sincerely,
The Scientifically Curious but still Grossed Out Barn Owner's Daughter

---

Dear Artificial Christmas Tree,

I think you're older than I am, and yet you're very realistic looking and you're still holding together pretty well. I remember not being able to put the top branches on you way back when. When you finally do fall apart I will be sad, but I'm glad you're probably going to be okay for at least one more year!

Love love,
Lioness

---

Dear Wii,

Why do you keep flashing at me? I don't think you normally do that. What did Lil' Bro forget to do when turning you off?

Confusedly Yours,
Lioness

P.S. - Where's your instruction manual?

[the_std]

Dear Hangover,

I am keeping quiet, still and in the dark. I have drunk approximately a billion glasses of water, and have fed you ibuprofen. I have had a hot shower and am doing pretty much nothing at all. Please stop being so sad! You're making me want to kill things.

But you were so totally worth it.

Augh,
Me

Dear Ninja,

Thank you for getting me floor-lickin' drunk last night, thank you for the warm bed to crash in and thank you for... Well...

You make me laugh like a maniac. I like!

I so totally owe you.

So-very-tiredly,
Me

[draftermatt]

Dear Late 30's and beyond concert goers from last night,

Trust me, I think it's cool that you are out at a concert surrounded by younger people. But what's the deal with getting fall down drunk? Or so drunk you dance like a crazed money?

I get wanting to drink and have a good time, but why pay money to see a concert and then not enjoy it because you're almost ready to pass out/throw up?

Me no understand. Plus don't you think it's hypocrtical considering the way some people your age act when it comes towards those of us in the other generations?

What would you tell your kids?

Dear Lady in the Corset,

You looked odd with your breasts jacked up to Jesus, but who am I to judge. By the way, grabbing my ass as I stood next to my wife, made me feel violated, so thank-you. You were old enough to be my mother.

Dear Blonde Blob,

Get your goddamn hands off my waist. I was attempting to move them myself when you moved them only to put them back and then trail your hands across my back. Making me feel even more violated.

Dear Lady at the Bar,
Thanks for the compliment, I like that shirt too. I'm not sure why you gave me a dirty look after you said it was a nice shirt though.

Dear Drunken dancing idiot,
You sang, you danced, you yelled, you punched the air near me numerous times. I was glad you never made contact. It wouldn't have ended well for one of us.

[crazylegs]

Dear the_std

WooHoo!

That is all.

Crazylegs

[Evil Queen]

Dear Fucknut,

You are a fucknut. I can't believe you said that! You do deserve to be strung up by your toes, you ignorant thug!

If looks could kill,
-EQ


Dear Broom,

Fucknut is my new word. Thanks dude.

-EQ

[crazylegs]

Dear Rads and the_std

Thank you, yet again you've both helped me stop feeling so bloody sorry for myself.

I appreciate it, I really do.

Much love and hugs

Crazylegs.