Dear....

[kaetchen]

Dear almost Mother in Law,

W.T.F.? You confuse the hell out of me on a daily basis. Why do you call me then talk to my fiance and ask him if he could use anything because you didn't get him a "care package" for finals, then when he says "Oh, I ran out of coffee, that'd be nice to have right now before I leave to go to the lab." you say "Okay, well I'll see you tomorrow or Saturday then." ????

Thank you for making the fiance depressed and grouchy.


Dear M,
Yeah, I know I was at your show last night, I sure as hell wasn't there to see you. In fact, I had NO idea you were even playing. We were trying to see C's band play, but it was too late by the time they would have been on stage.

Stop glaring at me.
No love, Me.
P.S.
You're the one that dumped my fiance all those years ago for your EX. You can't get upset like this almost 5 years after the fact. That's just ridiculous. Also, stop sending him crazy e-mails congratulating him and at the end saying "I can't come to your wedding anyways. I'll be in EUROPE looking at hot EUROPEAN MEN. I'll be too busy looking at them to care. SEE YOU NEVER FRIEND!"

Take your meds plz,
Kitty

[KiaKat]

Dear RW,

http://www.tealand.com/ThroatCoat.asp

Buy it at a health food store, combine it with the Zicam, and you should be 100% very soon. Be sure to get the lemon flavour, it's delicious.

Sympathetically (just getting over my own version of that nasty bug),

Kia

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Mother,

Thank you so much for reminding me that I'm 36 and my eggs are getting really old. Besides, I thought you didn't want me to have any more kids as I'm one of the most horrible mothers on earth.

Please make up your mind.

Your Daughter

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear ears,

Please respond to the antibiotics! I don't want to put drops in my ears.

Rummy

[Evil Queen]

Dear Rum's "Mother",

Go suck a hose, ya meanie!

-EQ


Dear Rum,

Ignore the heathen.

Your friend,
-EQ

[SengaKitty]

Dear Rum's "mother",
Leave my friend alone -growl-

Dear Rummy,
I has cookies

Dear Traffic Court Judge
Someone should buy you something really big and shiney for the holidays cause you totally rock out loud . Thank you for understanding the situation and dismissing all charges

Dear Prosecutor Lady,
I hope you get something big and shiney too for assisting in the dismissal of charges and not believing the stupid cop who said I was stopped in a left hand lane with my blinker on, when I was simply slowed down trying to get over to get on the highway, since I didn't know the area. you too rock out loud

[RetailWorkhorse]

Dear RW,

http://www.tealand.com/ThroatCoat.asp

Buy it at a health food store, combine it with the Zicam, and you should be 100% very soon. Be sure to get the lemon flavour, it's delicious.

Sympathetically (just getting over my own version of that nasty bug),

Kia

Dear KiaKat,

Sadly, am allergic to licorice root.

Will make Daz Mel heave cookies.

-In agony,
Daz Mel

[ParkingWitch]

Dear Idiot Drivers,

Yes that is freezing rain and freezing fog. Slow the hell down. I know they have been out salting all day, but you are still going to end up as ditch dwellers by trying to drive like it is a dry day in August.

No Love
One Cranky Witch

* I saw at least 12 of these buttmunches in 20 miles on the way home tonight*

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear EQ and RHPG,

Thank you for your support!

Cookies and Rum are always appreciated.

This is why I have the name I do ... y'all would drink too if you had my family & my in-laws. Someday I will be sane again. LOL

In solidarity,
Rummy

[SengaKitty]

Dear Rummy,

Oh hon, believe me I know where you're coming from... Remember that my mother wrote a statement to the judge on my MIL's behalf.... 'Nuff said... I'll pass the rum if you pass the vodka...

Much love
Rhpg

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Rhpg,

I forgot about your mom. Yup, you know how I feel. Gah ... Mothers! And you know what? It's against the law to do anything to them. (Not that I would, mind you, but sometimes ... I can just divorce her, right? Besides when we move to MD or PA come 2009/2010, both my mom & my MIL will be far away).

You get the vodka. I'll keep my Rum.

And we both get chocolate!

Rummy
------------------------------
Dear Bra Straps,

Please stay up!

That is all,
Rummy
------------------------------
Dear Shoulders,

Please do your job.

That is all also,
Rummy

[persephone]

Dear Rum's Momma:

LAY OFF!!! She's a grown woman -- let her live her own life!

And being a Momma, especially of an autistic child, is difficult, if you might remember. She's doing her best!!

No love,

Persephone




Dear Grocery Clerk,

I appreciate that you thought you were doing me a favor pointing out that the bananas I was buying were "bruised" (ripe) but trust me, I know what I'm doing. I KNOW they're very ripe. That's why they're marked down. I WANT them very ripe. The riper the better for banana bread.

I know you meant well, but please, once you point out that they are very ripe and I say "Yes, I know. Thank you." you do NOT need to keep telling me and trying to get me to go back and get different bananas. I want these. Is that so hard?

Your baking customer

[AdminAssistant]

Dear Family,

I am coming home tomorrow for approximately a week and a half. So..for the 9 or so days that I will be there, could you all be as sane as humanly possible? For my sake? I'm not even taking work with me, just some casual, FUN reading since I never get to read fun things anymore. I would really like to just chill and relax and spend time with the family that I love. So, Dad, set down the bottle for a little while, mkay? And quit being so damn passive/aggressive. Mom, no clingy-ness, please. Yes, I'll wrap all the presents and will certainly help you make baked goods. Sis, we need a day for just us to hang out sans parents. Extended family, I'm not getting married or having children anytime soon. Stop asking. And yes, I do know I'll be in school until I'm 30 and I'm fine with this. College friends, I really want to see you all. Please provide escape routes from the family insanity - especially you, BFF.

*bracing for the holidays*
~ me

[SengaKitty]

Dear Phone,

Please ring

That is all


"Dear" Idiot
you got lucky. you're lucky i can talk my way out of just about anything, and you'll be really lucky if the courts here don't find you and fine you for not registering the car that is in your name, because you couldn't be bothered to send me the title. Be glad they didn't fine ME because you would have received it as a yule tide present
No love
Rhpg

[Misanthropical]

Dear BossMan,

1. Thank you for not being upset that I wasn't at work yesterday.

2. Thank you for letting us go home early today, that rocked out loud!


Dear StinkyCow,

Stop trying to do things that you think make you look important. No one cares what you want or what you are trying to do. The rest of our coworkers won't tell you to your face, because you would go whining and crying to BossMan about how utterly mean people are to you for no reason at all! WAAAHH!

I also notice that no matter what shift is having food, your fat ass is there! Where ever free food is, so are you. You will push people out of the way to get all the food you can for yourself and your six kids.

Also, the security guard told me you smell like you dunk your whole body into a vat of cheap nasty perfume. Yes, everyone notices YOU STINK!

I had to get change out of an envelope you put money in. Guess what? Your cheap ass perfume was coating the money you put in there and it took me using Purex and washing my hands three times to get that rank shit off my hands.

Now, read this part carefully or have someone to read it for you, since I know you have trouble with words with more than three letters in them. Ready? Okay here it is "STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME AND MY DESK! YOU NASTY SKANK!" Keep reading it till it gets past the layers of perfume and makes it to your brain. If you don't I will cough and keep coughing till you go away. You know like nonsmokers do to smokers who around them.


Dear guys in my house,

Thank you for putting up the Christmas tree, so I didn't have to bother with it.


Dear Big Guy,

It was not funny telling your little brother that I hate Christmas. He was really worried about why his mommy would hate Christmas. It was not funny and he didn't appreciate the joke either when he found out I don't hate Christmas.

I do dislike Christmas, but none of you know that, so there.

[RetailWorkhorse]

Dear, uh, body?

....wash a pot and make mac and cheese, or micro-zap some giant pretzels?

Wash a pot and make mac and cheese, or micro-zap some giant pretzels?

Wash a pot......micro-zap pretzels.....

Choices.

On the one hand, mac and Cheese makes me a happy Mel when it's got hot spicy stuff in it.

On the other hand, I'm still slightly sick and I'm getting tired.

Yet on the other hand, spicy mac and cheese will help clear my poor sinuses faster, which are starting to drain like a dry fall after two straight months of rain.

But on yet another hand, I have work at 10am tomorrow and I really need the sleep.

Hmm.....choices.....a decision that may not be made tonight.

Dammit.

-Sighingly,
Ar-Dubya