Dear....

[RootedPhoenix]

Dear head,

I hate you.

--Me

Dear fireheart,

*big squishy hugs*

--Me

Dear crazyclerk12,

*big squishy hugs, too*

--Me

[fireheart]

Dear Mother,

Yes I get that somehow the car screwed up. Yes, I get that our insurance premiums are going to go up because of an ACCIDENT. Dad did not deliberately open the back just to piss you off. It was an HONEST MISTAKE. And somehow, as usual, you have this compulsive need to be perfect, to act perfect around people. Whenever something goes wrong, or you make a mistake, or similar, your response tends to be of the negative sort. And then you wonder where I get it from.

Therefore, when you stomp back in to get the broom, you DO NOT need to go off your nut at me. We're just lucky that nobody was hurt and it was JUST a smashed windscreen. If you're that worried about your insurance premiums going up, they go up anyway due to inflation (believe me, last I checked, my sister (who has never been in a car accident)'s insurance goes up every year for varying reasons). yes, I know that you're struggling to find a full-time job. I'm just struggling to find part-time work. Do I go off my nut at you when I've had a shitty day? No. I've learned to scream and yell in the car when I'm driving (always just me), or I take it out in other forms or in other forums. (or on occasion my sister)

I'll be glad in 2-3 years time when I can move out for good. When I have kids, I will not be acknowledging you as their grandmother. You will be known as the "grandpa's wife". Not as a grandma, or a nanna. Not until you receive therapy. If I can do it, then so can you.

Fireheart.

[crazyclerk12]

Dear Dad,

You don't know how badly you screwed up, do you? You cheated on Mom, after 12 years together. You fucked up, plain and simple. You don't know that did to Mom, or to me, you bastard. It's been a year. What now? Lacy*, if you are reading this, fuck you, bitch. Fuck you. You fucked up our family. Bitch.

Sincerely,
Crazyclerk12

*not her real name, but close

[MistressOfTangents]

Dear people with pushchairs, please for the love of god (and my sanity) STOP HOGGING THE PAVEMENT. AS if it is not bad enough that it's barely wide enough for both you to walk side by side and anyone wanting to pass you is out of luck, but now you are expecting me to step off the pavement and into the on-coming traffic for your convenience. NO WAY


Dear teenagers, I'm very happy for you but could you please consider that not everyone wants to see you groping each other in public. Kissing is one thing but when you start getting THAT frisky in public it' s time to go indoors.

[fireheart]

Dear Centrelink,

Why must you be so confusing?!

[Sarlon]

Dear Karma,

I've been good! I've been making lots of deposits lately....like paying for the groceries of that random stranger in front of me.

I just wanna take out ONE tiny deposit.....and I'll pay it back a thousand fold!

so please please please please please let Mr. Angel Investor approve my application and write me a shiney check for $30,000!

Much love,

Me

[Jack T. Chance]

Dear Customers;



Sincerely,

Every Commissioned Salesperson That Likes Their Job!

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Dear Rambling Guy who showed up on my doorstep yesterday:

Next time you decide to approach someone's house, here's some advice on how NOT to appear suspicious:

1) Don't pace several times up and down the front porch - this gets noticed around here and can end up with 911 being called to send the police to ask you what you are doing.

Especially when I'm in the living room at the doorway to my dining room and I'm watching you through the curtains.

2) Don't beat down the front door after doing number 1

3) And if I open the door and ask what your business is, do NOT start talking at 90 miles/hour . . . you only make yourself look like you got caught trying to stake out a home to break into, on drugs, or possibly BOTH.

4) And don't ask me who I am . . . you will get the same answer everybody else does "I'm the woman who LIVES HERE." And it's even stupid of you to even ask that, especially when I'm in pajamas and socks and holding a Swiffer duster in my free hand. Dumbass

5) And don't ask if there's anyone else in my house you can speak to. I am not about to go get my mother out of bed when she's not feeling well . . . . and I still don't buy your lame excuse of you're with some organization and you come around once a year. I've never seen you before and I've lived here almost 23 years in the same house. Try again.

So in short, you got busted. Next time I see you, I won't hesitate - I WILL pick up the phone and call 911 and have the cops dispatched immediately and you can try your sales pitch with them.

Sincerely-

The bitch you pissed off yesterday

[fireheart]

Dear university,

If you are going to provide me with a Functional Assessment Observation sheet from which I am expected to gain data from, can you please ensure that it is actually legible?

Thank you,
FH.

[Jack T. Chance]

Dear Job,

Please, please back the fuck off. I am on the verge of some sort of mental break. I can't keep going at this pace, especially with all the extra crap you've got us doing now.

If a workaholic like myself is saying this, imagine how some of the lazy-asses are feeling??

My entire life is being affected and I seriously am OVER IT.

No love,

Me

[Peppergirl]

Dear Job,

Please, please back the fuck off. I am on the verge of some sort of mental break. I can't keep going at this pace, especially with all the extra crap you've got us doing now.

If a workaholic like myself is saying this, imagine how some of the lazy-asses are feeling??

My entire life is being affected and I seriously am OVER IT.

No love,

Me

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Dear door-to-door sales lady;

You're not selling anything, you say? I believe you. You and your guy companion just pulled into the neighborhood in a van and split up and you're working this side of the block while he works the other.

So you both can knock on doors and just talk. About waterproofing. Or something. Something that isn't "selling anything."

FYNQ. Go away.

Irv

[Mishi]

Dear M-i-L,
Despite the fact tht you're in end stage renal failure and on dialysis, as far as I'm concerned, if you're able to drive to various large shopping centres and spend ALL day wandering through them at a fairly fast pace...you DON'T need a diasbled parking spot! Yes, you have a pass because you whinged at your doctor until she gave you one. That doesn't make you disabled, it just makes you an entitlement whore. Especially since you use it at every chance you get, and then whine/rage when you can't!

Also, no Rascal for you!

- Mishi

[Tyg3rW01f]

Dear Worthless CoWorker
((no longer work with this F-head as of 9-05, thank God!))
The next time I decide I want to suffer ANOTHER chew-session from our Department Supervisor over YOUR idiocy and f-tard-ery, I will let you know. Otherwise, please quit hiding out in the men's bathroom, or using equipment you have been told you are not qualified to use and have no need to be qualified to use.
I have gone through the training courses, spilled more blood and patched myself up more times, and filed all the proper paperwork with the proper agencies.
Also, I am tired of forking out the money for the entirety of the bills we are required to pay in exchange for living in company housing. You now owe me some $3,019.41, you cheap-*** b**tard.
Oh, and I have freshly cleaned my 1911A1 .45 ACP... JUST in case you decide to go into another of your rages and throw a chair at me. I won't miss.
Regards,
Tyg3rW01f

[Dreamstalker]

Dear petsitting clients from this week:

(rats) I do apologize that there were no rat blocks in their bowl when you got home. However, I was told that you were returning on Sunday morning and I should only visit in the afternoons. Had I known you were getting back later than anticipated I would have made an extra trip over there to check on things, but I was not notified and had no reason to think otherwise. In any event, next time I will make sure I know exactly when you're coming back so I can make an extra run if needed.

(these are good clients and this is the first time there's been any mistakes. ten rat blocks per day is not enough for five of them as the bowl was always empty when I came over)

(cats) I did clean the litterbox. The lack of a litter bag in the trash can does not mean I didn't. I didn't want the dirty litter to sit in the kitchen garbage overnight when it was as warm as it was in the apartment, so I took it upon myself to put it in the outside cans when I left. Believe it or not, in the morning there was nothing to clean out. I have no way of knowing whether "more than a day's worth" of poop in the box on your return is actually true, but you really do not need to phone me over it. I know what I did and I can't explain why you think I didn't (nor should I need to defend myself), but now know to be extra-vigilant about it next time...although you did tell me last time NOT to leave the poop bags in the kitchen trash, so what was I supposed to do?