Dear....

[draggar]

Dear Daisy's moth:

Meet my shoe.

-Draggar

[RetailWorkhorse]

Dear Daisy,

Grab a picture of that demon-moth, quick! Oh, it's gone you say? Draggar introduced it to his shoe? Oh, darn. Ah, well.

-RetailWorkhorse

Dear Rain,

I gotta job-hunt tomorrow, please hold off until next Monday. Dad kinda needs to do some Yard Selling and I'd really like to go to the gem show this weekend.

-about to locate a goat to sacrifice,

RetailWorkhorse

[Jester]

Dear Cupid.com,

Thanks for talking such a good game. But your delivery needs a little work.

Yeah, your ads talk about how we'll meet this person or that person.

But what do you deliver to my email? The same five women you delivered last month, and the month before, and the month before.

Two of which I have no interest in.
One of which looks like the poster child for Crack Whores R Us.
One of which I emailed a while back, and never heard from again.
And of course, the one that cracks me up, one that I dated years ago and vowed never to date again because SHE IS CRAZY!

Thanks, Cupid.com.

Now blow it out your sanctimonious ass.

Jester

[iradney]

Dear Boss

Please stop being such a nice guy, and good looking to boot. And those jeans you wear? They make your butt look hot. Stop it. It's not like me to have a crush on my boss but... you make it hard not to. Please become an asshat so I may hate you. Or at least, not have a crush on you!

rads

[crazylegs]

Dear assorted collegues.

I had such a wonderful time last night.

I absolutely enjoyed the beginning of the event where everyone was over an hour late, I always have nothing better to do with my time than sit in a pub garden for an hour or so waiting for your company.

I also enjoyed being left behind at the ticket gate as you'd pre bought tickets, you knew that
a) I had no ticket and
b) I hadn't been to the races before
so your gracious act of blazing through the 'ticket holders only' section and leaving me in your dust was beautifully executed. I always enjoy wandering around a race track I don't know looking for my friends who might be anywhere especially when I don't have your mobile no (you do however have mine and you could have rung...)

I throughly enjoyed your constant questions of 'are you not drinking?'. I will drink when I want to, how much I want to and whatever drink I want, however if you constantly badger me into drinking I most certainly will not.

I then enjoyed standing around for four hours while getting hotter and more irritable as we dithered as to when we shall eat. I hadn't eaten for a significant time and can think of no better way to spend my day than to stand on a grandstand in the cold wind getting more hungry by the minute.

I feel I must also thank you for the wonderful way you all included me in the conversation at the pub we ended up at. Although I am tall I still can't hear what your saying if you're not looking at me so turning your collective back and huddling around a few select people meant I had no chance in getting involved in the conversation.

I also really appreciated it when the smokers tilted their heads up to blow their smoke away, I can think of nothing better than receiving a face full of second hand smoke.

Yours angrily

Crazylegs

Dear pubs in my town

GET MORE F@*KING CHAIRS

That is all

Crazylegs

[the_std]

Dear Life,

ARGH!

That is all.

[Saydrah]

Dear the_std,

I concur!

-sayds


Dear Mr. Country in Africa, State of Being From Britain,

YOU SUCK. Do NOT tell me you are ready to make a lifetime committment to an animal, get your vet boss to vouch for you, and then give the animal back a week later because you don't want to spend money on it or bother finding a way to shut your dog and cat away from the cage. I hope karma results in your children someday moving you in with them, and a week later deciding you are too much trouble and sending you to a nursing home.

And your boss sucks, too. Does nobody get the part where you LIED TO ME?

-Rat Lady


Dear Coworker Who Is Awesome,

You're becoming outstanding in your field! Multiple really prominent people have called/emailed for you lately. I am genuinely happy for you, because you are a good person and deserve it.

Thanks for the compliments the other day, too- I've been thinking about what you said, and it has helped me remember my own value during a difficult week. I notice that you have been trying in a few subtle ways to help me learn and develop new skills in the workplace without making it obvious that I'm in need of the help. Even though we are not much different in terms of the office hierarchy, I am coming to see you as something of a mentor.

Have fun on your vacation this weekend, and I hope that life continues to bring you good things!

-Thankful Coworker

[Daisy]

Dear RetailWorkhorse,

Ask and you shall receive.

Behold the devil-moth.

Daisy

[monolayth]

dear trainers,

Certify me alredy.....seriously.

Irritated trainee

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Dear Dave Bush (a starting pitcher for the Milwaukee Sewers--er, Brewers):

Help me pick out a nickname for you. Boom-boom or meatball?

Would like to see a Brewers World Series appearance before he croaks,
Irv

Dear Carlos Villenueva (another Brewers starting pitcher):

Your nickname is the one Dave Bush doesn't pick.

Irv

Dear Milwaukee Brewers hitters:

The way you're (not) hitting right now, you guys need Viagra just to get wood on the ball

Irv again.

[Amethyst Hunter]

Dear Daisy's Devil Moth,

Please come eat the dumbass spiders that have decided my room makes a perfect squatting site. In return, I shall see to it that my cats do not do to you what they did to their feather toy.

Me

--

Dear Spring,

We officially hate your bloomin' ass. I miss winter already.

With hate, my Allergies

[PuckishOne]

Dear Irving Patrick Freleigh,

Please, please, please oh please take that incredible sense of humor and writing skill you have and put it to better use someday than just writing for the amusement of losers like me. "You guys need Viagra just to get wood on the ball" isn't even one of your best and it's farking hilarious. Truly, you have a talent there and I thank you for sharing it with us. Today was the kind of day that left me craving a good laugh, and you've provided it.

Having thoroughly embarrassed you now, I take my leave...neither a fangirl nor a stalker (just someone who knows when a compliment is due),

Puck

P.S. Cheer up!! You could be a Mariners fan!!

[ArenaBoy]

Dear Chelsea (A girl I'm friends with),

You're awesome. Even though you tend to do some incredibly stupid things that just make my mind boggle (And you will admit it) you're an amazing person. Thanks for being there for me when I was having a rough couple of months (August, September, and October) and for helping me when my car was having trouble. You're the definition of friend.

Also, thanks for making me realize not to take things so seriously. Hopefully, I get to see you again when things settle down for me.

Arenaboy.

PS. You haz craziness?

[BarbieGirl]

Dear neck
All I did was a simple stretch and now I can't turn my head! You are being rather annoying, get better quick!

The rest of me.

Dear stupid stupid stupid stupid female 'drivers'

Driving 40 around curvy back roads in town is not so smart especially when you can't make the turn and proceed to practically fly into our parking lot. Although I did laugh when you bottomed out and the air bag in your car deployed, rendering your vehicle useless. The cops were as equally baffled as to why you thought it necessary to clear out your car and run up the road. When you borrow a friends car they tend to know your name and will proceed to give you up to the police. I have a feeling you may have lost a friend today. among other things..

Thanks for making my day interesting.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Dear Puck:

Thank you for the kind words. However, I would like the record to show that the Mariners have been to the playoffs much more recently than the Brewers have.

Irv, who watches too much baseball for his own good