Dear....

[Evil Queen]

Dear Boss,

Yes, I told some random guy that you where a jerk but he agreed with me! Dammit, why the hell did he have to tell you I said you where a jerk! Now I have a warning in my permante folder...

Dear Jerk With The SPeech Impediment,

I did NOT tell you you where mumbling you lieing sack of ! Thanks to you I now have TWO warnings in my permanate file! you!

Extreamly mad,
-EQ

[Becks]

Dear watch battery,

I do not thank you for dying. At 9:30 and I work until 10. Well, that wouldn't be so bad if the store actually sold the type of replacement battery I need.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Heh,

Becky

[Dreamstalker]

Dear Ex:

STOP flooding my assorted phones and other lines of communication (how the F%$@ did you get my mom's email anyway?). You're the one who thinks there's still a relationship to salvage. You know why I'm not talking to you: every attempt at rational discourse turns into "you don't agree with me" and related weak comparisons with Communism (if you think I'm a Communist, then please do explain which type I subscribe to and why), the Nazi party, etc. Yeah I don't agree with a lot of your whacked-out views. A normal person would accept that and not try to goad the other party. Yeah, I know you think the whole of New England is a giant nanny state. I happen to like it here.

BTW, if you plan to engage in borderline stalker behavior, it might be wise to make sure the target does not have all your information.


--------------------------------------------

Dear Comcast:

Please go back to normal grace periods on my bill. I've only ever missed one payment a year ago and always paid on-time since, now by the time I receive a bill I only have 2 days to get a check from here to NJ.

----------------------------------

Dear Citibank:

See above.

[ArenaBoy]

Dear me,

Get a job. What's your motivation you ask? How bout the fact that Mudhoney is coming here on the 2nd, Derek Trucks coming to the jazz festival (Why didn't you go last year?!), and the fact that Stereolab is coming here in October. You also need to do something besides just running and reading.

Regards, moi.

PS. CFC, please win the Champions League.

[draftermatt]

Dear Comcast:

Please go back to normal grace periods on my bill. I've only ever missed one payment a year ago and always paid on-time since, now by the time I receive a bill I only have 2 days to get a check from here to NJ.

Dear Dreamstalker,

I've been getting stuff like that too, and honestly I think they are doing it on purpose to force everyone to go to online billing.

Matt

[the_std]

Dear Trees and Plants and Stuff,

I love you all very much, and the city is so much prettier now that you've all started blooming and leafing and growing, but...

Do you have to start releasing your air-born sex dust already? I mean, did the (relatively short) winter leave you that pent-up?

I guess my sinuses and stuff will just have to put up with the spermicidal assault because you couldn't keep your stamens closed.

Argh,
Me.

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Kitten Heeled Shoes,

Please stop hurting my feet. I'm not allowed to go barefoot in front of customers.

Achingly,
IDaR

[Evil Queen]

Dear Work,

Please go smoothly with no problems today and PLEASE let me have more then three arrivals today! An even dozen would be nice!
Also, i'll bet you would do better if you:
--Advertized
--Moved the sign so it's more easily seen from the highway
--Gave guests better incentive to stay
--Dropped the rate by at least $10 a night (105$ is a little high for a 2 and a half star hotel)
--Got a newer computer (and, thusly, faster so I could check in guests faster)
--And, possibly, had a better "arrival gift" then a freaking bottle of water and a piece of nasty chocolate candy.
But then, that's just me and I'm a guest in a couple hotels too. I like little minor freebees. It makes me want to think that the franchise actually likes my business.

-EQ

Dear CS board,

I'm told that my boss will be pulling away from the franchise and renaming the hotel to coincide with another, cheaper, hotel. If he does, I'll be perfectly capable of telling you the name of the hotel I work at (but not the new name) so you can avoid it like the plague.
Either that or visit me and get a cheap discounted rate (freinds and family rate, my dears! )

-EQ


Dear Bed,
I'm going to take a nap in you before work. Please don't let me sleep through the alarm.
Sleepy still,
-EQ

[TruthHurts]

Dear Roomie,

Being behind on rent and not working is annoying enough. Having the audacity to ask us for a loan is just ludicrous. Get a job ASAP.

TH

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Dear the_std:

I sympathize. As somebody who's nose is permanently running and head is plugged up from the daily tree and plant bukkake raids, I know what you're going through.

Now where the hell's my Kleenex?

sniffle sniffle sneeze,
Irv

[ArenaBoy]

Dear State of Michigan,

You and your construction happiness have truly proved that you can be a nightmare. You are probably ruing the fact that I was able to make it to the wedding on time but construction and you are a headache and a boot to the teeth.

Dear C,

It was good to see you again. You did great for the speech.

Dear A,

I cannot believe that not too long ago you were yelling at your younger siblings (Who'd have thought that your sister and I would be best friends?) for harassing me and now you're getting married. Goodness I feel old. Best of luck to you.

Love, Arenaboy.

[Evil Queen]

Dear Time,

Can I go home yet? I'm terribly bored at work and I'd much rather spend this time at home making dinner.

-EQ

[monolayth]

Dear people who are going to read my latest blog on myspace,

Yeah I was venting. And it needed to be said. Don't give me too much sh*& over it please. Cuz honestly I have had it and am done. Don't think I wont drop you if you get too upset.

Happily vented,

Monolayth

[Bella_Vixen]

Dear Sun--

I do NOT in any way thank you for shining today. I now have a sunburn on my incredibly (not so) pale (anymore) skin.


You suck.

--Me

************************************************** **********

Dear Incredibly Pale Skin--

Please don't hurt too much. I know this is the first time you've been exposed to that much sun in something like 10 years, but please take it easy on me. I don't get another day off to relax until Friday.

Pleadingly,

--Me

************************************************** *************

Dear fave local cover band®--

When did you start playing such craptacular songs?? It's a good thing I go for the show and not for the music, but still. Please play the good stuff again.

And maybe a gig at a Harley dealership isn't the best. All the bikers had a collective look on their faces.

It was still a great time, though. B-Mac and Droopy are still HOT!

Adoringly,

--Me

[the_std]

Dear Legs,

Shut up and stop bitching. You liked it.

,
Me