Dear....

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear In-Laws (that includes Parental and sibling ones),

I am not a neurotic, overprotective Mommy. We are at a house with no safety precautions and my daughter is a special needs child.

A fence needs to be put into place. ASAP if not sooner. This is why we do not visit you, FIL & MIL and it's the reason we do not allow Kelly to spend the week with you in Summer. And FIL do NOT say "I don't think so" when it is mentioned a fence is needed. You pissed me off royally. If I could, Kelly & I would never go to your house again.

Pi$$ed off royally,
IDaR

[Becks]

Dear throat,

Please stop being dry and scratchy.

Thank you.

Hopefully,

me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear new bra,

You rock.

Overflowingly,

me

[Shangri-laschild]

Dear jackasses,

I'm not sure why you find it amusing to keep kicking out the glass in the doors at the elementry school. You must though because you did it two days in a row. And on the same doors too! Lady got called out at 8pm to go take care of the mess. We were there until 1230 because we had to wait for the glass guy to come change out the windows. Also, thanks for covering the paved part of the playground with huge chunks of glass everywhere on a Sunday night.


Dear Jared,

Thank you for keeping me amused. The playground was fun. Next time you jump out at me, there will be consequences Also thank you for getting us food, even if you did accidently spill a coke, causing the whole front of my car to be sticky.


Dear back, neck, and shoulders,

Please stop being sore and stiff. I know you hate it when I crash at other people's houses but still, is that really needed? I like being able to check my blind spot without strong discomfort.


Dear lady,

You're in worse shape than I am! Would you please go to the hospital to get checked out?

[the_std]

Dear Mae,

If you're asking, there is no need to ask.

Bwahaha,
Me

[crazylegs]

Dear <Name of mens clothes shop>

You absolutely totally Rock! Three pairs of trousers, all of which are (technically) too long, for less than the cost of one pair at High and Mighty!

Yours Gushingly

Crazylegs

Dear Jessops.

The kit you've sold me is ace. I have but one question; where is the lens hood that should be there? I'm coming down in the morning, you'd best not give me any shit.

Yours slightly (but not massivly so) annoyed

Crazylegs.

[blas]

Dear Stupid Bird,

Thanks a lot for spewing your diahrrea all over the roof of my car. The very week that the weather decides for the first time in a month and a half that it's NOT going to rain 5 days out of the week, YOU SHIT ALL OVER THE ROOF OF MY CAR AND NOTHING IS THERE TO WASH IT AWAY....meanwhile it stays inside the shop afterwards and gets dirtier.....and I lost ALL my free car wash tokens and I don't have a hose here.

You will get yours, bird. You will get yours. Why couldn't you have just shit all over someone else's car? Let this be a lesson, my feathery friend....DO NOT eat anything you find in the parking lot at Taco Bell EVER again!

Hating you,
Blas

[Becks]

Dear Chef Cynthia,

Thank you for the absolutely indescribably yummy French truffles. They're fantastic.

And don't worry...I do NOT intend to share with the man of the household.

(All this for helping her with on extra project on her birthday so she could go home and celebrate with her family.)

Gratefully yours,

Becky

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Ray,

Thanks for the Reese's peanut butter cups. They're yummy, too.

(And these are for babysitting his jacket one night, if you can imagine...)

In chocolate heaven,

Becky

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Ron,

Yeah. Not gonna happen.

Someone's higher up on my lust list than you are.

,

Becky

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear #1 at work boyfriend,



Bleh,

Becky

[draftermatt]

Dear Jeans,

Damn you! Why did you have to get a hole in the knee? Or any hole for that matter? I got yelled at earlier this week for being to hard on jeans.

Dear Bride,

Good luck tomorrow. It'll be the last final exam you ever have to take (unless you decide to continue in a year or so) and you only need a 62% on it to pass the class! I love you, and good luck. I'll be worthless worrying about it the rest of the day.

[Bella_Vixen]

Dear Mae--

Thanks for the advice. 2 small problems:

1. I'm allergic to aloe. Or at least, aloe-laden lotions.
2. I didn't get sunburned. I just had sympathy pains. Weird, huh?

Thankfully,

--Me


************************************************** **********

Dear Becks--

Do me a favor. Please don't ever flash me via a pornsite's message board.


Still freaked out,

--LLNAN

************************************************** ***********

Dear <work>--

Please get rid of the need approval deal. Because of it, nothing gets done. I keep telling you, tire spikes are the way to go.

Or prepay. Everyone should have a good idea of how much it costs to fill their tank.

Very pissed off

--Me

************************************************** ************

Dear Grams--

Thanks for the earrings. I was pleasantly surprised. Becks will die of jealousy.

--LB

************************************************** ***********

Dear body--

Why are you so exhausted??

Sleepily,

--Me

************************************************** ***********

Dear sucktacular neighbors--

I sincerely hope my cat is tearing apart your house. She's obviously an indoor cat. When you found her, you should have gone around the neighborhood asking if anyone lost a cat.

You would have gotten a reward. Now you are stuck with a cat who LOVES scratching things and causing damage.

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Bella,

How do you know your neighbors have your cat?

Plus, have you offered to take the cat back or are they that desperate for a cat, they haven't thought about getting rid of it?

Just wondering (with no coffee in her system),
IDaR

[Becks]

Dear Lizziebeff,

Sorry about that. I just wanted you to see my new bra.

I mean, it's not like I could just run to WI for such a thing.

However, I know you'll forgive me someday.










And what earrings are you talking about? I'm jealous already. And curious. And I bet Grandma forgot about me.

Asking forgiveness and other questions,

Becks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear me,

After you're done taking a shower and read the paper, get around to typing up those recipes.

You promised.

NOW.

Motivatingly,

me

[iradney]

Dear lungs

You're welcome (quit smoking again about...er...I've forgotten how many days already).

Love rads

Dear gym

Stop being so good and yet paingiving at the same time. I'm going to start referring to you as my dominatrix!

Boot lickingly
rads

[protege]

Dear various vehicles in the fleet,

Toyota: You'll be getting your annual inspection, plus your 15,000-mile service soon. Trust me, I've been busy lately.

MG: You'll be out of that garage soon. That is, if the mechanics remember to fit your bumpers, mirrors, and other safety items. Oh, and there are some new trim strips, air filter boxes, rear hatch brackets, and other goodies on the way.

Alana ('88 Radio-Flyer): Yep, I know that it's been 7 years, and you're still running around in primer. Bite me, OK? It's not my fault that the paint I used originally sucked, it's not my fault Grandma sold your former home. Give me a break, already.

Morris (R-F of unknown age): I know you've been sitting in the same spot since I moved. I also know that your new tires are sitting in the garage. Sorry, but I've been busy. Besides, do you *really* want to be hauling crap around the yard?

The '59 (another R-F): You're doing an awesome job! No breakdowns, no failures...even when you're loaded full of yard waste. Whenever I get around to it, you're next in line for rust removal and a new coat of paint. Oh, and you'll get that small rust hole repaired as well.

--Pro

[draftermatt]

Dear Mrs. Draftermatt,

Congratulations! You passed nursing school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so proud of you.

Love you,
Me

Dear Owner of company,

I already told bossman about my taking next Wednesday off, I was telling you as a courtesy and so that you can get on him about working. I know he takes Wednesday's off, but it's my wife's graduation, and if he doesn't show up then you need to yell at him and not me. I'm not missing this for the world.

[iradney]

Dear Draftermatt and Mrs Draftermatt

Woohoo! Well done! That's a big old feather in the Mrs's cap

rads