Dear....

[protege]

Dear Kitties,

Was it really necessary to drop all of your fuzzy toys in the water dish? I mean, as playful as that is, I really don't want to listen to you two whine when I have to put the toys up to dry out...

--Pro

[RetailWorkhorse]

Not another "Dear Dog" post

Dear Humane Society,

Thank you for running the last panel of Opus like you did. It was greatly appreciated. However, in the search for your address (I supplied .com rather the proper .org) I have found a whole lot of idiots rather upset about not finding the last panel on the Canada site. Just OI right there. People. Holy Mother of Pearl.

-RW
One of your Supporters and soon Fund Raisers


Dear Local Adoption People (....and Fuzzy Dog In The Sky),

For the love of all that is holy, please, one of you get your hands on a Borzoi. That's the best dog breed for me, according to the Animal Planet test. So, please. She doesn't even have to be a purebreed (I could do without the health problems), but as I loved, adored, and basically worshiped a half-bred, please get me someone to love so I have reason to get up out of bed in the morning. Winter is coming and I get S.A.D every year, and I could do without the suicidal tendecies (sp?) that come with it.

Truly Appreciative,
Das Mel

[Evil Queen]

Dear Melonious,

Animal Planet doggie test? Might there be a linky for the petless sister to click?

-EQ

[monolayth]

dear, RW
I want the link too!

love, monolayth

[Evil Queen]

Dear Mono,

I think this is it. I'm about to take the test now.

*shares*

-EQ

[monolayth]

dear EQ,

Yay, now i have something to do when i get to work. I need to run off and pack my lunch then go to work.

Happy,
Monolayth

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Living/Dining Room,

Please clean yourself!

That is all.

Rum

[SorryIsGoodEnough]

Dear Ex.,

I don't like you. I don't like that you think you can call some Australian slut on the cell phone that is under MY name. I don't like that you think I'm a slut because I don't want to be with you.

I'm not having a fuck, fuck fuckity fuckastic fuckfest, thank you very much. Obviously, I left you because I learned to RESPECT myself, not because I don't respect myself.

Plz grow up. kthx.

Baby's Momma,
H.

Dear Current Dude,

You're normal. I like that.

I can't see us lasting forever, but for a long time. You're not the one, but you're good to me, and I do love you for it. Thanks for helping me gain some of my confidence back.

Too bad I'm bat shit crazy and we won't work out, in the end.

Love,
H.

Dear Self,

Stop being an emofucktard.

Thanks.

Sincerely,
Me.

[the_std]

Dear crazylegs,

It has now been about twelve hours. Picked your jaw up off the ground yet?

[Misanthropical]

Dear doctor,

You charge for last minute cancellations, so I expect to get paid for your last minute cancellations. You didn't just do it once, you did it twice.

I considered taking my sons to a different doctor, since last minute cancellations do not make a good first impression.

Also, you mocked my little guy not once, but twice. He hurt himself when he smacked into the sharp corner of the counter when he walked into the room. You asking him if he needed glasses was out of line for a woman who is suppose to help children with ADHD and ADD.

When you weighed him, he had his face close to the back of the scale, it was really out of line of you to tell him he didn't have to kiss it.

You are lucky I didn't take him out right then and go back home. We were there to see you, so you could start helping him with his ADD, not mock his behavior.

Do it again and that will be your third strike and I will go all "momma bear" on your ass and trust me when I say, it not the side of me you want to see, mmkay? You only think I'm quiet and soft spoken, that can and has changed in less than a minute, especially when it comes to my children.


Dear StinkyCow,

BossMan sent out and email about having a party for our beloved coworker who was leaving. He told us to check to see if people wanted in on it.

You sent out a second email about it, so I assumed that you were doing what you usually do and go on a power trip. I was staying out of it and letting you have your way.

You then came over to my desk with your gallon of perfume on, which your dumb ass knows bothers me and tried to get on me for not doing your bidding. I told you in more polite terms to fuck off.

You got all bitchy about it and stomped away. I emailed BossMan my side of the story and found out the first thing you did was to whine to BossMan about how I wasn't doing what you said, when you said it. He also told you in much nicer terms to get over yourself. You lose, bitch.

Do not ever sit near me again for any reason. I swear next time the nausea hits me from your skank smell I will throw up all over you and I won't apologize. My friend thinks if I do puke on you that you would smell better.

I don't give two shits that you are insulted that I cover my nose with a thick napkin when you come around. That is the price you have to pay for smelling like perfumed death. Go tell BossMan, I know he will take my side, since he can't stand the smell of you either, but can't or won't tell you to get help for your gallon of perfume a day habit.

Your stupidity showed me and my friend that you would vote for the anti-Christ, if he had the right party next to his name. Hell, he could have a speech where he tells everyone that if he is elected he will kill babies and your dumb ass would vote for him, because he is the right party for your empty little head.


Dear BossMan,

Why on earth would you try to put StinkyCow and I together for planning anything? You know we hate each other.

I'm not buying the excuse that we should work well together because we are coworkers.

You know the effect of her perfumed death has on me, so never do it again or I will get medieval on your ass. I'm so not kidding.


Dear way too thin coworker,

We know what you do after you eat. Stop it, you are grossing the rest of us out, either get help or stop purging at work.


Dear morons who park in the wrong spots just to pick up your baby mama or baby daddy or fuck buddy,

Stop parking in the medical reasons parking spots. There are huge ass signs that state those spots are reserved for employees who have a disability that isn't sever enough to get a handicap tag. Are you illiterate or just plain stupid? I vote that you are both.

I swear the next time we pull in and can't use those spots because of your inconsiderate ass, I will beat the shit out of you with my cane, so that you know a bit about the pain I have to endure every day, especially when I have to walk too far.

You want to park there? I will give you the reason you need. Oh, and if you park next to us one more time just to blast your shitty music I will put a complaint in with security and make sure you have to pick up who ever the hell you pick up all the way up the hill. Don't test me.

Dear cab driver,

You rock out loud, which is why I always ask for you when I have to use a taxi. You cracked my little guy up on the way to see the doctor and you always crack me up, too.

Don't ever retire, at least not until we get a second car.

[gunsage]

Dear Bethesda,

You should start paying me to play your latest and finest creation, Fallout 3. Why for? Quite simply I don't have anymore time to call off.



Your Most Recent Addict,

Gun Sage.

********************

Dear Lionhead Studios,

You've made leaps and bounds in gaming innovations. You've created great games like The Movies, Black & White 1 and 2, and even Fable. Why is it, much like the original, that in the time it took me to type this message, I could've just beaten Fable 2?



I'm Just Sayin',

Gun Sage.

********************

Dear Cisco,

I hate you and your stupid test. You're a big meanie, poo poo, stupidhead. Your test made my brain hurt despite studying for literal months and now continuing to after failing your trial of death aka CCNA.



Sunshine and Unicorns,

Gun Sage

P.S. Is there some special way I can pass next time?

[crazylegs]

Dear the_std

Aye, pretty much!

Regards

Crazylegs

[Evil Queen]

Dear The SO,

Please can we go? Please? Please? Please? Please?!? I promise to be a good girl the rest of the *mumbles*, please?!!?

Still wanting a doggie,
-the sad queen

[Bella_Vixen]

Dear Becks--

CONGRATS!!!

::happy dance::

--Sunshine

[Becks]

Dear Lizziebeff,

Congrats to you, too.

Especially since you got interviewed AND offered a job first.

Love,

Becks