Is there anything you're not allowed to cook anymore?

[dalesys]

... capybara meat ...

Rat ----------------- 4p
Rat & Ketchup --- 7p
"Why does ketchup cost almost as much as the rat?"
"Have you tried rat without ketchup?"
[/PTerry]

[Victory Sabre]

Eel pout stew. The last time I cooked it was back in 97'. Did you know that if you put enough hard liquor into a fish stew that you will turn it into inedible paste?

Even worse if you find out when the fishing sucks so bad you're starving.

[Racket_Man]

Rat ----------------- 4p
Rat & Ketchup --- 7p
"Why does ketchup cost almost as much as the rat?"
"Have you tried rat without ketchup?"
[/PTerry]

that almost sounds like a couple of lines from the movie Demolition Man. When John Spartan is in the underground "illegal" city


Lenina Huxley: [Spartan encounters a burger grill in the underground world] Just don't ask them where the meat comes from.

John Spartan: Huxley, what's that supposed to mean?

Lenina Huxley: Do you see any cows around here, detective?

John Spartan: Que es este carne?

[What is this meat?]

Hamburger Stand Scrap: Este carne es de rata.

[This meat is from rats]

John Spartan: Rat? This is a rat burger?

[vendor nods]

John Spartan:
Not bad! Matter of fact this is the best burger I've had in years!
Hamburger Stand Scrap: Gracias, Senor.

John Spartan: Prego. See ya later.

[Tanasi]

Our insurance agent has determined that my wife isn't allowed to cook at all even supervised. He will allow her to use the coffee maker and order take out/delivery. She had the habit of using the smoke alarm as a means of knowing when the food is done. (To be fair she was never taught to cook.) I'm allowed to cook anything I want, now my wife and kids might not like what I cook then they're welcome to join in or cook for themselves. I really like fried oysters no one else does nor do they like the smell. One rule I ruthlessly enforce is that no bananas are allowed in my house. Bring them in at your own peril.
Years ago my Mom was using a pressure cooker to cook potatoes for mashing. She put it on the stove and went outside to get the clothes off the line. She got to talking to the neighbor and then BOOOM!!! Taters all over the ceiling. I've painted the ceiling three times and used Kilz twice and the stain is still there. The rule now is that if the pressure cooker is on the stove top then she does not leave the kitchen unless it's on fire or she has to whiz.
My Mom made sure that I and my siblings could cook for ourselves and I've done likewise with my youngins.

[WishfulSpirit]

Hubby isn't allowed to try to cook nyquil in the middle of the night whilst sleepwalking. Ambien is FUN!

[lordlundar]

This is an odd one but Mac and Cheese. Well sort of.

The reason is because I use this recipe. To add I can make it perfect and it comes out flavorful, rich and creamy. Better than anything out of a box.

So why can't I make it any more? Well it's too rich. My folks can't stomach it.

[catcul]

If I start cooking, I'm not supposed to leave it unattended. I made that mistake and burned the kitchen. Just make sure you have a good fire extinguisher on hand.

I was cooking spaghetti in a pot that had a bad handle. After it finished, I turn toward the sink to drain the water. When I took it off the stove, the pot suddenly turn upside-down, and all the hot water spilled on the floor and my bare feet.

That did not feel good.

[Aragarthiel]

this recipe

I stole it. Just FYI cause I LOVE mac and cheese.

Hubs isn't allowed to make my pizza anymore. He apparently doesn't know what "golden brown" means. And sadly, I've met too many people who don't.

[dalesys]

... doesn't know what "golden brown" means...

Doesn't it mean, "Broil until the gold melts out of it and the kitchen turns brown?"

[Seshat]

And by "on fire", I don't mean burned or charred. I mean literal flames in the pan.

Popcorn on any new-to-me stovetop. The real stuff, not the microwave stuff.

Three times, I've tried to make popcorn to celebrate moving in to a new home. Three times.....


At least I know exactly how well (and how calmly) I react to kitchen fires. Oven mitt, lid of saucepan. Clamp lid onto saucepan, take saucepan (which contains all the fire) out into the back yard, preferably over concrete or pavers. Hold it, wait till fire dies of lack of oxygen. Wait longer, because if you open the lid too soon, the embers become fire again.

[Aragarthiel]

Hubs doesn't know what to do when he catches things on fire despite me telling him several times, so that's why he's not allowed to make fried chicken anymore. First time it happened he dumped water on the stovetop, which was covered in flaming vegetable oil. Second time he let it burn while I got a big pot out of the cabinet to cover the smaller, burning pot with.

[dalesys]

... open the lid too soon, the embers become fire again...

and very hungry for eyebrows, bangs and nose hairs.

[cindybubbles]

I once messed up my own fried egg by forgetting to add milk to the egg mixture and remembering to add it only after the egg was already frying in the wok. I had to scrape up all the remains.

My mom advised me to crack another egg into the wok if I ever forgot to add the milk again.

I also made a soup too thin by adding too much water. I had to fix it by adding another can of cream of mushroom soup.

[muppet101]

My husband is not allowed to cook herring roe any more. Not after the time he cooked it in the kitchen without closing the door or turning on the extractor fan, meaning that awful fishy smell went everyhwhere in our open plan apartment and all over clothes that were waiting to be ironed so had to be washed again.

Furious was not the word...