I can't deal with this any more...

[protege]

Well, it's official. That is, my dad is officially gone. Yesterday, he asked my brothers to pack up whatever would fit into a car, and drive it over to him. Things like his grandfather's trunk, his deer head, some books, and the rest of his clothing. Notice how there's no mention of family photos or anything else relating to his children. Seems he wants nothing to do with us...unless he needs something. It sucks, but if that's what he wants...so be it.

[Food Lady]

I know he's treated you badly, but it still hurts because of what you've lost: a good dad. I'm sorry this is happening. I love that you support your uncle and mom. If your dad doesn't want you in his life, it's because there's something wrong with him.

[protege]

I'm still a bit shocked by everything that's happened. He's had this double-life thing going on for so long, which is hard to deal with.

[RootedPhoenix]

*hugs you lots*

[morgana]

If your dad doesn't want you in his life, it's because there's something wrong with him.

This, so this. Many hugs, my friend.

[wolfie]

Yesterday, he asked my brothers to pack up whatever would fit into a car, and drive it over to him.

I know you've got that vintage British sports car. Do you know somebody who has a SMART car?

[protege]

Do you know somebody who has a SMART car?

No...but I'm sure I could fit a V-twin to the 1959 Radio-Flyer "station wagon" sitting in my garage

[MoonCat]

Have you got a Matchbox car?

[catcul]

Maybe you could get your hands on a Peel P50.

[protege]

LOL I'm not sure a Peel P50 would actually be street legal here

So all his crap is being moved in my brother's Corolla. Why? My other brother has a truck, and said that he's not dealing with dad or his crap. He'll have to make multiple trips, but oh well.

Now, I've always been curious about some of the things that were hiding in his office. One of them was the red leather bag that was in the closet. For some reason, I could never bring myself to open it. That changed yesterday.

My mother has been packing things up so they can get delivered. If it was up to me, that shit would get tossed out the window onto his lawn at 40mph, but I digress...

One of the things she wanted to go through, was that bag. As far as I could tell, that bag hadn't been opened since long before I moved out. (Dad's office was originally my bedroom.) Curious, that bag came out, and we went through it. Nothing really interesting--photos from when he lived in NYC in 1970-71, some brochures and maps from an England trip, and other things I didn't go through at the time. Mom said that she had to run some errands, and told me to take the bag home, go through it, and take whatever I wanted.

Naturally, I grabbed the English maps and things. They'll be used as "props" when I have the MG at shows. Everything else is being returned. But the big draw for me?

Buried under everything, were some old envelopes. Envelopes, that contained his school grades. Naturally, I went through them. Nothing really interesting--average grades in elementary school...but not in high school. How exactly, do you get a "D" in band? Even more interesting was the academic probation notice, and his GPA--which started at 1.67 and didn't even get above 2.30

Where was I going with this? Oh yes. For most of my life--the entire time I was in school--nothing was ever good enough for him. He constantly called me stupid, or put me down. He even went so far as to throw a dictionary at me, when I didn't know what the word "topography" meant. Bastard.

When I was looking at his grades, I was fucking pissed. I mean, according to my mother, I taught myself how to read. No idea how, I just did it. I worked my ass off to overcome my mental issues. If you've never had to deal with depression, trust me, it can really fuck with your mind when you're trying to study. Didn't stop me from getting into college, and landing on the honors list every semester but 2. One of those semesters I got high honors. The other? I landed on the dean's list with a 3.9 I got a 3.9 for the semester and a 3.30 overall. No Cs, no Ds, no Fs, no incompletes, no withdrawals...and I'M the stupid one?

Again, bastard.

Oh yes, and there's a reason most of us call him that now. The man we all knew as our grandfather wasn't my dad's real dad...

[taxguykarl]

but not in high school. How exactly, do you get a "D" in band? Even more interesting was the academic probation notice, and his GPA--which started at 1.67 and didn't even get above 2.30
.....
Oh yes. For most of my life--the entire time I was in school--nothing was ever good enough for him. He constantly called me stupid, or put me down. He even went so far as to throw a dictionary at me, when I didn't know what the word "topography" meant.

Projection, anyone?

[Gizmo]

It sounds like projection I agree. Someone who knows they did badly in school (and how it affected them personally) but has no idea how to mentor someone into doing well so just nag at them instead...

[RootedPhoenix]

*hands protege lots of cookies*

They're too small of a gesture (even if they were real), but I don't know what else to do.

And the terrible treatment you got from your father... (the insults about your supposed stupidity, as well as what he's done lately.)

[Sliceanddice]

Oh joy someone cloned my father sorry your dealing with this

[protege]

Thanks guys, I needed that. My dad really is a dick. He'll get what's coming, sooner or later. He's already supposedly having some mental issues. I've heard that he's been dealing with "stress" and "isolation." Now that I think about it, isn't it a bitch that mental issues were one of the things he gave ME shit about...and he's done it to himself? In a way, he sort of gaslit himself. If that's the case, a bitch indeed