I need to be not okay for a few minutes

[Bella_Vixen]

I am so very sorry for your loss.

*many hugs*

[Nyoibo]

Trying to find words to say that don't sound stupid or cliched are a pain, but I really am sorry for your loss, and I know it's normal to question, but please don't blame yourself for this, it wasn't your fault and it wasn't the fault of anything you did and don't feel guilty about being sad.

*hugs*

[Reyneth]

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter.

You did nothing wrong and you couldn't have done anything to prevent it. Placenta previa (especially when it comes about unexpectedly like in your case) has no treatment other than hoping the situation will change and if known, minimizing risks. So please, don't blame yourself for this.

Once again, I am sorry for your loss.

[XCashier]

Persephone, what you're feeling is perfectly understandable. You're in unimaginable grief and pain. A counselor or clergyperson would be a good idea, for you and your family.

You don't need to be the Rock of Gibralter for everyone else right now. You're allowed to cry, to show unhappiness, to not be okay.

You and your family are in my prayers.

[Eric the Grey]

Persephone, I'm very sorry to hear about this. There is no way I can fully understand what you're going through, but believe me when I say, you're not the only one crying over this.

You and your family have my best wishes and prayers.

But I just...I just can't seem to stop being sad. I can't seem to want to do anything.

<...>

I guess I just needed someone to listen for a minute. So thanks for listening. Sorry it's so long.

Please don't try to stop being sad. That will come in time, but it may well be a long time coming. Please allow yourself to grieve. It's natural, and understandable for you to do so. Don't feel you need to "get over it" or anything foolish like that, any time soon. You need to grieve, as does your family. Be with them and do so together.

I have not been to a therapist yet. I know I need to. I know. Hubby's mentioned it. The doctor mentioned it. Momma and Daddy mentioned it. I just...I'm not ready yet. Talking to a therapist about it makes it much more real. I'm not ready for that.

You may find it easier after this. You've opened up about it to your friends here, seeing a therapist is not that much bigger of a step.

Many virtual hugs. Please take care of yourself and your family. You have our sympathies and best wishes.


Eric the Grey

[RootedPhoenix]

*many many hugs* You and your family are in my prayers.

[jnd4rusty]

I am so very sorry for your loss, it is okay to not be strong, let your sadness work its way through. I will pray for you and as everyone else has said, we are here for you. Therapy would be a good thing. You have your CS family here to talk to anytime and writing down your feelings can be the best therapy in the world. Take care!!

[Dips]

I'm sorry I'm late to this thread. First of all, my condolences for the loss of your daughter. Nobody should ever have to bury a child.

The things you are experiencing are very normal for somone who has lost a child.

It was very much like that for me when my son died. I'm going to dispense some advice based on my experience and my mother's. If it doesn't sound right to you, don't follow it. Your loss is unique to you and you have to do what is right for you and your family.

First, don't fret that you're not able to function well. You're grieving now and believe it or not, grieving is very hard work. The energy to do other things will come back eventually.

Don't feel as if you must get rid of your daughter's things right away or let anybody pressure you into it. There's no time table here. Whatever you feel is right is what is right.

Talk to you family about your feelings. There isn't anybody in the world who will understand this loss as well as you and your family. A book I read talked about grief like being on a leaky raft on a stormy ocean. Each member of the family is on his sinking raft. You are so overwhelmed keeping your own raft afloat that you can't do anything to save your family members. It's an awful helpless and isolated feeling.

From another perspective, my daughter was afraid to talk to me about her grief because she didn't want to make me feel worse. I pointed out to her, quite correctly, that there was no worse way to make me feel. So we talk and we cry and we hug each other a lot. It helps.

The guilt. That's quite normal. I have not met a single bereaved parent who hasn't dealt with that. I deal with it too. The fact that nobody else would ever hold us responsible doesn't matter. The fact that we ourselves would never hold another parent in the identical situation responsible doesn't matter. We feel guilty anyway.

I can't make the feelings of guilt go away, so I just deal with them when they show up. It does get better with time. Tell yourself that you did the best you could for your child with what you knew at the time. Imagine meeting another mother who had the same thing happen. Would you blame her for her child's death? Of course you wouldn't. Keep that in mind whenever the guilt tries to surface.

By all means, feel free to PM me if you need to vent and don't want to do it in the forums.

[ArcticChicken]

There aren't enough words to tell you how sorry I am.

It's not weird to be grieving for someone you've never met, because you did meet her. You carried her, you nurtured her, you gave her life, and you love her. It's not weird to grieve for her.

I'm glad you're able to talk to someone, and you know we'll always be here for you, right? If you want to talk to a voice, you're welcome to my phone number. If you want to talk in private, you're welcome my email, or to PM me, or I can figure some type of instant messaging.


I'm sending you virtual bear hugs, and if you're anywhere in my area I'll be happy to come over and give you actual bear hugs.

Remember, we all care about you.

[JoitheArtist]

I'm so sorry for being late to this thread, I didn't see it until just now.

*HUG*

I wish there was something I could do to make it better.

[McGoddess09]

I cannot fully understand what you are going through, but I am so sorry for your loss. Sending love from IL.

[Der Cute]

Oh, gosh....
I am so sorry for your loss.

All I know is that losing/grieving is a very individual process. One person's actions of crying+screaming+make flowers+light candle+time passes = all better DO NOT equal a different person's path.

It's been said to me that funerals/memorials are for the living - the people surrounding the one who is now gone. This might be something to do.

Keep talking, please, and find a counselor. Time, and talking, are the best things for grief IMO.

Cutenoob

[PentUpRage]

I just saw this and I'm sorry that I didn't contribute earlier. There is a lot of good advice in this thread and you have to do what feels right for you. I'm sure your doctor is working closely with you but please rememeber that you are also dealing with an amazing amount of hormones on top of the grief. I can't imagine going through what you did, I was just into my second trimester when I lost my baby and it was devastating.

You have to manage your grief in a way that is right for you and not let anyone tell you how to feel. My heart goes out to you and your family and I am very sorry that you are going through this.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

Persephone,

My wife and I are currently trying for our first child. She has some lady issues that means concieving will be challenging, but not impossible. I can hardly imagine what it would be like to concieve successfully but then lose the baby before its born.

The best advice I can offer is that you are going through a natural process that will take time. You have to grieve in your own way. If that means crying or staring out a window for an hour than so be it. Keep your family close, they will be your rock in times like these.

[Cia]

I am so sorry for your loss.

You are grieving and there is nothing wrong with what you are feeling. You lost your child through no fault of your own and that will hurt for a long time. When you are feeling up to it have a memorial service.

Has your doctor given you any information on support groups? It might help you and your family to talk to other families who lost their babies do to placenta previa.

Just remember it is not your fault. There is no way to prevent the placenta from implanting to close to the cervix.