I need to be not okay for a few minutes

[Aethian]

Lots of love and hugs from the puppies and myself.

We're all family on this board, sometimes we quarrel and sometimes we don't see eye to eye but we are still family. Any time you need any of us I'm sure we'll all jump to help.

Be well.

[Der Cute]

Kitty cats always know when their people are sad or sick or need lovies.
Kitties do get a bit demanding when things are OK, but they do stop to help their people.

I've noticed some days, when I'm not feeling too good about life in general, just talking to the cat and petting her does wonders. Sitting, seeing the world out the window, and petting her.

Go, talk to your parents and pastor. Get outside, with sunshine. (light does bring up your dopamines). Eat chocolate .

I'm sorry for your loss. Hugs and kitty love from my Fuzzy.

Cutenoob

[morgana]

There is nothing I can say except that it's not your fault, and I'm so sorry for your loss. We're here if you need us.

[DesignFox]

I'm a little late on this, but I am sorry for your loss. I don't know what to say, except....

[Seshat]

It sounds like your mother and your minister have the situation under control.

Your daughter's expression of grief may well be simply clinginess. Wanting to be with her adults. And that's fine - as long as she expresses it and doesn't keep it bottled up.

Let yourself come out of your shell at your own pace. The world still needs you, but it can turn without you for a few days or weeks. Your family can handle things for a little bit while you grieve.

Do call your minister, and do talk to whoever he finds for you. (If the first person he finds doesn't feel right, tell your minister. He'll find someone else. You do sometimes need the right personality in a counsellor.)

Take care, rest, grieve, and come back when you're ready.

Good luck.

[persephone]

Thank you, everyone, for all the advice and kind words and good thoughts. Believe it or not, it means a whole lot.

My Momma has moved some things around back home (she's retired but still very involved in a lot of stuff) and is coming to stay with us for a few weeks. Mom (Hubby's mother) is coming down with her for a few days as well. I really do think it will help, if only to keep me from ever being in the house alone for the next few weeks. I think that's when it's the worst, when there's no one here to distract me.

I'm still very new to this area, and this all happened right after we moved here, so I don't really have people to talk to here. I did, however, call the minister of the church I grew up in because he's been there forever and knows my family. I talked to him for a very very long time and he's said I can call whenever I need to and he's going to try and help me find someone to talk to down here.

I think the idea for a memorial is a good one, but I don't think I'm quite ready for it. Some time.

I'm trying to eat. Really I am. Sometimes it's hard. But sometimes everything is hard. Daughter came up last night and curled up in my lap for a long time. She hasn't done that in years. I think she's sadder than she'll tell me. I've tried to talk to her about it, but she doesn't want to. I figure I'll just try and keep the line of communication open and, when she's ready, she'll talk to me. I hope. I may talk to whoever I end up talking to down here about maybe talking to her and Son as well.

Kitty knows his Momma is upset. He's started sitting with me and not leaving my side no matter what. I think he's trying to nurse me.

I still think I'm in zombie mode though. I didn't get out of bed at all yesterday. I just couldn't do it.

I mainly just wanted to say thank you for all the thoughts and words. They help. I'll be back to normal and back around at some point, but I'm probably just gonna lurk for awhile.

Thank you, all of you.

[Peppergirl]

I'm so sorry I'm late to this thread.

Please accept my belated condolences and heartfelt hugs to you and your family.

We are here if you need us.

[Seshat]

You are feeling grief and survivor guilt. Both of these are forms of depression, but they're 'normal' and 'healthy' given the circumstances.

One thing I think you need to make yourself do: encourage your daughter and son to talk with you and your husband, and talk with both of them a little bit as well. Let them see you crying, but reassure them that it's not their fault you're unhappy and that you love them.
That's for their sake, to help them get through this without harm.

Let your adult family look after you, and the kids. Grieve, and express the grief. If you can write, paint, play music, sing, or in some artistic way express it, that's particularly good. Even if the only painting you can do is fingerpainting.
Also, try to eat at least some of what your family puts in front of you. Proper nutrition will help the grief pass, and also help your body heal physically. And let them take you for walks, if you can. Even if them pointing at flowers or butterflies makes you feel 'so what?', it'll be good for you. And it'll feel better and better once you start coming out of this.

Let your family take you to see a doctor, psychologist, counsellor, or psychology/counselling-trained religious leader. The combination of grief and survivor guilt is a partly nasty one, and without being supervised by someone who knows what to watch for, it's possible for you to get stuck in it.

If you're religious, make a point of going to church every week, and spending some time before or after church talking to one of the psych-trained ministers, lay preachers, or other professionals. That can be enough time for them to check that you're progressing normally and not getting stuck.

With the assistance of a professional, you will eventually work through it. You'll find that you're noticing the flowers again, and smiling when your kids do something particularly cute. Having your children in your arms will feel right again, not be a reminder of Baby Girl.

What you are going through is normal, and right. But it's supposed to pass, and a professional can keep their eye on you and help it pass.

I promise, as long as everything progresses normally, you will find the joy in life again, and the energy and desire to do things. And if it doesn't progress normally, the medical community can help get it back on track. For this purpose, the priests/etc of most religions are honorary medicos.

[Cia]

I am so sorry for your loss.

You are grieving and there is nothing wrong with what you are feeling. You lost your child through no fault of your own and that will hurt for a long time. When you are feeling up to it have a memorial service.

Has your doctor given you any information on support groups? It might help you and your family to talk to other families who lost their babies do to placenta previa.

Just remember it is not your fault. There is no way to prevent the placenta from implanting to close to the cervix.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

Persephone,

My wife and I are currently trying for our first child. She has some lady issues that means concieving will be challenging, but not impossible. I can hardly imagine what it would be like to concieve successfully but then lose the baby before its born.

The best advice I can offer is that you are going through a natural process that will take time. You have to grieve in your own way. If that means crying or staring out a window for an hour than so be it. Keep your family close, they will be your rock in times like these.

[PentUpRage]

I just saw this and I'm sorry that I didn't contribute earlier. There is a lot of good advice in this thread and you have to do what feels right for you. I'm sure your doctor is working closely with you but please rememeber that you are also dealing with an amazing amount of hormones on top of the grief. I can't imagine going through what you did, I was just into my second trimester when I lost my baby and it was devastating.

You have to manage your grief in a way that is right for you and not let anyone tell you how to feel. My heart goes out to you and your family and I am very sorry that you are going through this.

[Der Cute]

Oh, gosh....
I am so sorry for your loss.

All I know is that losing/grieving is a very individual process. One person's actions of crying+screaming+make flowers+light candle+time passes = all better DO NOT equal a different person's path.

It's been said to me that funerals/memorials are for the living - the people surrounding the one who is now gone. This might be something to do.

Keep talking, please, and find a counselor. Time, and talking, are the best things for grief IMO.

Cutenoob

[McGoddess09]

I cannot fully understand what you are going through, but I am so sorry for your loss. Sending love from IL.

[JoitheArtist]

I'm so sorry for being late to this thread, I didn't see it until just now.

*HUG*

I wish there was something I could do to make it better.

[ArcticChicken]

There aren't enough words to tell you how sorry I am.

It's not weird to be grieving for someone you've never met, because you did meet her. You carried her, you nurtured her, you gave her life, and you love her. It's not weird to grieve for her.

I'm glad you're able to talk to someone, and you know we'll always be here for you, right? If you want to talk to a voice, you're welcome to my phone number. If you want to talk in private, you're welcome my email, or to PM me, or I can figure some type of instant messaging.


I'm sending you virtual bear hugs, and if you're anywhere in my area I'll be happy to come over and give you actual bear hugs.

Remember, we all care about you.