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Yes, another rant about someone's fucked up roommate situation. Wheee!!!
So I share my apartment with two guys, Mr. Anti-Social and Music Man. I have lived with Mr. Anti-Social for longer than anyone I'm not related to, and while we don't always see eye to eye or get along, we trust each other implicitly, especially when it comes to money. I am not exaggerating when I say I could leave a thousand dollars cash on the kitchen table and come back a month later to find a thousand dollars cash on the kitchen table. This rant is not about Mr. Anti-Social.
Music Man is our newest roommate. We have had a string of amusing folks come through our third room, and it has been rather trying on the both of us. For various reasons, I am the sole leaseholder in the apartment. This is by design. There are both pro's and con's to this approach. The obvious downside is that ultimately, I am the only one legally obligated to come up with rent. The upside is that if someone in the apartment is not fulfilling their obligations...you know, like paying rent, paying bills, and not storing dead bodies in the freezer next to my ice scream....I have ever right to throw them the fuck out. Considering some of our past experiences with other roommates, Mr. Anti-Social and I both agreed this would be a good way to go.
Early on, Music Man was fine, paying rent and bills without a problem. In February, he was two weeks later. TWO WEEKS. And since I was not exactly rolling in dough, I could not cover for him, and of course we looked like idiots to the complex management. I told him then that this could not happen again. He swore to me it would not. I told him that if anything did happen, to communicate with me, and not leave me in the dark. "No problem," says the musician. Riiiiiiight.....
March rolls around. Music Man does not have rent by the 1st. Nor does he have it by the 5th, which is the last day we can pay rent without incurring the late fee. As luck would have it, February was a great month for me at work, and I was able to cover the rent myself. So Music Man now owed ME rent. Two weeks go by, no rent, no word from Music Man. Jester is not happy. Jester sits Music Man down and asks, in essence, "What the fuck?" Blah blah blah, sob story, blah blah blah, he'll get the money, blah blah blah, he'll communicate and stop ignoring my calls and texts. Riiiiight.
Another week goes by. Including the day he said he would have the money, since he was going to borrow it from a friend. Still no cash. Still being ignored. Now.....now I am PISSED.
So I get home one night, and am venting to Mr. Anti-Social about this and other (less major) issues concerning Music Man. I am livid. Apparently our discussion woke up Music Man, who came lumbering into the living room to see what was up. I looked at him and said, "You and I need to talk. I am pissed off, and shit needs to change. But right now, I want to watch a show, and it's lucky for you that I do, because you do NOT want to deal with me right now. Are you going to be up at 1?" He says he hadn't planned on it, but now he will. And he realized I was angry. And in all the years he's known me, he had never seen me ANGRY. And I stomp off to watch my show. Unfortunately for him, while the show was awesome, and I enjoyed myself immensely, my anger is not that quick to dissipate.
So the three of us sit down and we have what they call a Come to Jesus meeting. Mr. Anti-Social let me do most of the talking, and said he'd chime in when he felt he needed to. As Music Man was about to start saying something, I cut him off. "I'M talking. YOU'RE listening!" "Yes, sir!" Good. I had his attention.
So calmly but angrily, I read him the riot act. No, Mr. Anti-Social and I really don't want to go about finding yet another roommate, and we like Music Man, but a roommate who doesn't pay his shit is dead weight and a freeloader, and we can only be so nice. Blah blah blah, riot act, this issue, that issue, etc. Hopefully we've gotten through to the boy.
And then he fucked up. As great a musician as he is, comedy is not his strong suit, nor is comic timing. Because at the end of all of this, he attempted a joke. I knew it was just a joke, but the timing was all wrong. Had he said that AFTER he handed me the money he owes me, it would have been hilarious. But saying it after we just read him the riot act and he had still not handed me one red cent? Poor timing. Very unwise. Especially with a still-smoldering Jester. And what did this genius say?
"Ya know, you guys really don't make very good tough guys."
And this was followed by a long pause as I stared at him.
And then I reached over, grabbed my meat cleaver from the butcher block, slammed it down on the cutting board and said, "Won't it be hard playing gigs without your fucking fingers? How's that for tough, motherfucker!?!?"
There is no emoticon on here that did justice to his face. And there won't be one until someone can figure out how to make an emoticon shit purple twinkies while its eyes come clear out of their sockets and fall off its face.
I need to win the lottery so I don't have to put up with this shit. And so I can use my meat cleaver for its intended purposes. *sigh*
So I share my apartment with two guys, Mr. Anti-Social and Music Man. I have lived with Mr. Anti-Social for longer than anyone I'm not related to, and while we don't always see eye to eye or get along, we trust each other implicitly, especially when it comes to money. I am not exaggerating when I say I could leave a thousand dollars cash on the kitchen table and come back a month later to find a thousand dollars cash on the kitchen table. This rant is not about Mr. Anti-Social.
Music Man is our newest roommate. We have had a string of amusing folks come through our third room, and it has been rather trying on the both of us. For various reasons, I am the sole leaseholder in the apartment. This is by design. There are both pro's and con's to this approach. The obvious downside is that ultimately, I am the only one legally obligated to come up with rent. The upside is that if someone in the apartment is not fulfilling their obligations...you know, like paying rent, paying bills, and not storing dead bodies in the freezer next to my ice scream....I have ever right to throw them the fuck out. Considering some of our past experiences with other roommates, Mr. Anti-Social and I both agreed this would be a good way to go.
Early on, Music Man was fine, paying rent and bills without a problem. In February, he was two weeks later. TWO WEEKS. And since I was not exactly rolling in dough, I could not cover for him, and of course we looked like idiots to the complex management. I told him then that this could not happen again. He swore to me it would not. I told him that if anything did happen, to communicate with me, and not leave me in the dark. "No problem," says the musician. Riiiiiiight.....
March rolls around. Music Man does not have rent by the 1st. Nor does he have it by the 5th, which is the last day we can pay rent without incurring the late fee. As luck would have it, February was a great month for me at work, and I was able to cover the rent myself. So Music Man now owed ME rent. Two weeks go by, no rent, no word from Music Man. Jester is not happy. Jester sits Music Man down and asks, in essence, "What the fuck?" Blah blah blah, sob story, blah blah blah, he'll get the money, blah blah blah, he'll communicate and stop ignoring my calls and texts. Riiiiight.
Another week goes by. Including the day he said he would have the money, since he was going to borrow it from a friend. Still no cash. Still being ignored. Now.....now I am PISSED.
So I get home one night, and am venting to Mr. Anti-Social about this and other (less major) issues concerning Music Man. I am livid. Apparently our discussion woke up Music Man, who came lumbering into the living room to see what was up. I looked at him and said, "You and I need to talk. I am pissed off, and shit needs to change. But right now, I want to watch a show, and it's lucky for you that I do, because you do NOT want to deal with me right now. Are you going to be up at 1?" He says he hadn't planned on it, but now he will. And he realized I was angry. And in all the years he's known me, he had never seen me ANGRY. And I stomp off to watch my show. Unfortunately for him, while the show was awesome, and I enjoyed myself immensely, my anger is not that quick to dissipate.
So the three of us sit down and we have what they call a Come to Jesus meeting. Mr. Anti-Social let me do most of the talking, and said he'd chime in when he felt he needed to. As Music Man was about to start saying something, I cut him off. "I'M talking. YOU'RE listening!" "Yes, sir!" Good. I had his attention.
So calmly but angrily, I read him the riot act. No, Mr. Anti-Social and I really don't want to go about finding yet another roommate, and we like Music Man, but a roommate who doesn't pay his shit is dead weight and a freeloader, and we can only be so nice. Blah blah blah, riot act, this issue, that issue, etc. Hopefully we've gotten through to the boy.
And then he fucked up. As great a musician as he is, comedy is not his strong suit, nor is comic timing. Because at the end of all of this, he attempted a joke. I knew it was just a joke, but the timing was all wrong. Had he said that AFTER he handed me the money he owes me, it would have been hilarious. But saying it after we just read him the riot act and he had still not handed me one red cent? Poor timing. Very unwise. Especially with a still-smoldering Jester. And what did this genius say?
"Ya know, you guys really don't make very good tough guys."
And this was followed by a long pause as I stared at him.
And then I reached over, grabbed my meat cleaver from the butcher block, slammed it down on the cutting board and said, "Won't it be hard playing gigs without your fucking fingers? How's that for tough, motherfucker!?!?"
There is no emoticon on here that did justice to his face. And there won't be one until someone can figure out how to make an emoticon shit purple twinkies while its eyes come clear out of their sockets and fall off its face.
I need to win the lottery so I don't have to put up with this shit. And so I can use my meat cleaver for its intended purposes. *sigh*
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