Roommmates are FUN! (Or, "What Did I Do to Deserve This?")

[One-Fang]

Ewww. God those fakies look so damned awful when you get skeletal, don't they?

[dendawg]

This is the only Posh wank I'll ever need.

[Jester]

It could have been a posh wank, or whatever you want to call it. But the sad state of affairs is that the boy was, in fact, getting laid. In that sty. With real girls. Well, at least one real girl. Over that same time period, MY bed was seeing all the action of Dustin Diamond's action movie career. More proof of my theory that all women are completely, totally, and irrevocably insane.

[Mikkel]

'posh wank'.

So there is actually a word for that, I wouldn't have dreamed of it. Added to my vocabulary, I hope I'll never need it .

[Rapscallion]

He might have used the condoms for some alone time, for sanitary reasons .

Known in these parts as a 'posh wank'.

I can see this terminology spreading.

Rapscallion

[Jester]

Your story reminds me of this one about a disgusting roommate from Hell that circulated the interwebz a while back.

As bad as Deadbeat was, he wasn't THAT bad! That was nauseating, and I had to fight back a couple hurls......and it takes a lot to get me to that point!

[One-Fang]

Wow Jester. Sounds like you definitely have the polar opposite in Teacher, though. At least, it's a very good start.

I'd consider replacing the carpet entirely and adding it to the suit. If you think the suit will actually have a positive outcome that is. I mean yes, you might very well get judgment, but can he pony up the payment? Judgment against a deadbeat isn't very satisfying. If you think he's got the assets to sell up to pay any judgment then I would go ahead and replace the carpet. Just think about what's in it - inside it - under the carpet, festering away.

[Mikkel]

No, I have no idea how he managed to get laid in that room filthy sty.

He might have used the condoms for some alone time, for sanitary reasons . Not logical, but he is probably not used to thinking things through.
Good thing you found someone better, even though he took your beer (once).

[Peppergirl]

Wow. Just wow.

FTR, I am not easily nauseated...but those very nearly did me in.

[Lachrymose]

Wow..glad you finally got all of that taken care of.

Your story reminds me of this one about a disgusting roommate from Hell that circulated the interwebz a while back.

WARNING: VERY DISGUSTING PICTURES CONTAINED WITHIN. VIEW AT YOUR OWN RISK!

http://shiroioji.livejournal.com/114944.html

[Jester]

(Semi-) Final Update.

First off, I would like to apologize. To everyone who told me that I was being too nice, that this jackass was taking advantage of me, that this was only going to get worse, and that he was using me, I am sorry, and YOU WERE RIGHT! I admit it now. I got hosed, and y'all called it. My bad.

When last we left off, I was about to start cleaning out Music Man's Deadbeat's room. At that point, I had no idea what horrors awaited me. But I gloved up and dove in there. to start hauling shit out.

Now I have to be honest with you folks. I am not a "Clean Freak." My room is often (and currently) messy, with dirty laundry strewn about, books and CD's and old newspapers on the floor, etc. I am untidy. I am not, however, dirty or filthy. Just a bit disorganized.

With that understood, I have to tell you that what I found in Deadbeat's room was utterly and completely repulsive. If you are squeamish or weak of stomach, trust me--do not read further! Here be monsters!


At first, when I was pulling some of his stuff out, I was feeling bad about the thought that I would be throwing a lot of it out. The more I got in to that room, though, the less bad I felt, as it just got grosser and more disgusting as I went. Trash under the bed. Underneath his desk used as a trash receptacle. And I don't mean he had a trash can under there overflowing. Ironically, the one trash can he had in the room was pretty much empty. But under his desk was PILES of trash, including (but hardly limited to) old fast food wrappers, old food, dirty dishes, condoms, both wrapped and unwrapped, cigarette butts, etc. I have rarely in my life been so glad to have gloves. I was getting angrier and angrier, and it was getting quite easy to fling his shit into the dumpster/compactor. I was STEAMED.

And it just got worse. Trust me when I tell you that this is one of the few threads that is better WITHOUT pictures. I did, however, take pictures. They will be used for my impending court case against the little bastard.

After I finished with the main room, I got to his walk-in closet, where things, much to my shock and awe, got even worse. There was an army of empty or semi-empty beer bottles. Fine. With them were some old fast food drink containers, including two that, when I touched them, unleashed a SWARM of flies. I was horrified! I actually had to go get a small plastic grocery bag to put over said cups and then throw them in the big trash bag so as to keep the flies at bay! And I found many of my dishes he claimed not to have, including several pots and pans. I actually had to pitch two saucepans and one mixing bowl because they were simply not salvageable. The mixing bowl in particular warrants commentary. See, not only was months old food caked to the bottom. Months old unidentifiable rotting food. But stuck to said science project was a fort, a cigarette, and an unwrapped condom. No, that is NOT a typo. No, I do not know if it was a USED condom, though being unwrapped, I would presume so. I did not look that closely, thank you very much, though I did take pictures, of course. No, you don't want to see these pictures. No, I have no idea how he managed to get laid in that room filthy sty. And these were not isolated incidents, these are simply the highlights lowlights, folks! Now, I have a strong gag reflex, but there were various times (such as with the mixing bowl) that I had to struggle not to retch violently. That is saying something!

We had to pitch the computer desk we had so thoughtfully provided him, as it was trashed beyond repair. I had to throw out the aforementioned dishes. Which, I should point out, were MY dishes, NOT his! We had to throw out the pillows and bedding from the bed that had come with the room, because they were just disgusting and clearly not salvageable.

Surprisingly, his bathroom was not all that bad, though it was not clean. Compared to the bedroom, it was actually rather pristine!

My wonderful, invaluable, and totally rocking niece Princess came over to help me do the actual cleaning of the room, once all the shit was removed. And when it comes to cleaning and Princess, let's just say it's the one time I will take orders from an 18 year old. The girl knows what she is doing, and does it well. Extraordinarily well. We (mostly her) absolutely knocked that filthy place into the realm of clean and acceptable, and my friend Photo Dude was rather shocked, as was my roommate Mr. Anti-Social. The new roommate, Teacher, was also rather impressed. Teacher had initially looked at the room when Deadbeat was still living in it.

And on to the good news: Teacher rocks. Not only did he pony up the deposit as promised, he has gone beyond that. Some things he's done so far:
--Paint the room. Princess and I had cleaned the walls as best we could, but the new coat of paint was a nice touch!
--Put down rugs over the old trashed carpet. I had decided to bring in a professional cleaner for the carpet (it really was that bad), but Teacher pointed out that no matter how good the guy was, it was still going to be a trashed carpet, so he'd rather just put down rugs over it. I'll be reimbursing Teacher for the price of the rugs.
--Paid me June rent over a week early. I'd like to repeat that last part. He paid.....rent.....EARLY.

Okay, sure, he snaked a couple specialty beers I had in the fridge, but he didn't realize that specialty beers are off limits. To his credit, he apologized and replaced them with a big stash of Miller Lite, and we came to an understanding. To wit: I don't give a crap if he occasionally has some of my generic (Miller, Corona, etc.) beer. But if he doesn't recognize the name, leave it alone!

And now, all that is left is to put together the court case against Deadbeat, as he (slowly) pays me in dribs and drabs. In addition to the cost of the things he destroyed that were not his property, I am going to be charging him for the time Princess and I spent cleaning, AND I may even throw in "emotional distress" damages due to the sheer horrors I had to subject myself to to clean that place!

"That which does not kill me makes me stronger." Thank goodness I believe that. AND that I have a strong gag reflex!

[taxguykarl]

Jester, I'm not sure about Florida law, but I know for a fact that in some of the northeastern states close to where I live, anything that is left behind when someone who used to live with you moves out becomes yours if they do not make arrangements for it to be picked up within 30 days. Again, not sure what FL has to say on the subject, but if you wait a couple weeks first, you should be in the clear to sell his stuff without any issues.

Illinois has a similar law. It is the practice of the really savvy to put an ad under 'legal notices' in the local free (and worth its price) alternate weekly. Be sure to keep a diary of verbal conversations and copies of all paper and e-mails for the inevitable day in court.

[Shards]

Jester, I'm not sure about Florida law, but I know for a fact that in some of the northeastern states close to where I live, anything that is left behind when someone who used to live with you moves out becomes yours if they do not make arrangements for it to be picked up within 30 days. Again, not sure what FL has to say on the subject, but if you wait a couple weeks first, you should be in the clear to sell his stuff without any issues.

[Jester]

I have given him every opportunity to get his stuff.

If after I clean the room he has still not made any effort to come get it, I will (as I pointed out in an email to him) simply assume he doesn't want it. Therefore, I shall sell it.

Trust me, I am not about to compromise my court case on such a small technicality. Besides, I have said I would deduct any sales of his gear from the debt he owes me.

Am I way too nice? Sure. But I have a clear conscience. Not everyone does.

As for the future, yeah, already getting more evil. Demanding a deposit from future roommates, no exceptions. Learning experience? You betchya. I got taken for a ride, and I admit it.

It will NOT happen again.

[Jester]

Update to the Update....

I just heard from the front office that the new roommate, who I shall call Teacher, passed the criminal background check. So I called him up.

JESTER: "Hey, Teacher....just heard back from the front office. The criminal background check brought up some murder in Oklahoma....?"
TEACHER: "Say what?"
JESTER: "Just kidding! You were approved."
TEACHER: "That's good. About the Oklahoma thing, if you can live with my murderous past, everything's good."
JESTER: "Hell, it's Oklahoma. Does anyone really care?"
TEACHER: "Hell, is Oklahoma even still a State?"
JESTER: "Barely."

Yeah, this guy is going to fit in, I think. And he is bringing me the deposit this week. Luckily, he won't even be ready to move in until next week, which is about how long I figure it will take me to clean the fucking place.


(My apologies to y'all in Oklahoma. We were just joking around, and it just happened to be the state I picked out of the blue. I may be watching too much "Saving Grace.")