Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

A letter for my ex, what do you guys think? (epic)

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • A letter for my ex, what do you guys think? (epic)

    As many of you read in the "Very, very, bad taste" thread. I am none too happy with my son's father right now. This is a letter I am considering emailing him, not because I think it'll do a real lick of good, but because I don't want him to say I never told him anything was wrong. Let me know what you think, please.



    I know I said I was okay about you trolling the net for a new girl, but in fact, I am anything but. I’m not sad over it, I am extremely angry by it. Right now my feelings on the subject are how can you afford to court someone when you owe both your children $4,000 apiece? How are you going to convince the new girl not to feel threatened by seeing your ex everyday? Or should we discuss a permanent visitation schedule? You broke my heart twice and you have the nerve to say you’re glad I’m “out there”. What a joke. After all the emotional bullshit you’ve put me through, it’s all I can do to try and keep my head on straight, and that’s with 2 medications and a therapist!

    I can hear you saying now, “what emotional bullshit?”

    You didn’t tell me you were still legally married until after you had sex with me.

    You picked up divorce papers to file in May of 2005, and never filed them despite saying you would. You let your ex do it for you in December, despite knowing how I felt about the situation.

    Every time I do anything you don’t like, you accuse me of being like your awful ex-wife.

    When you feel slighted you don’t discuss it, you storm off, like a child.

    You led me to believe we were back together prior to me getting pregnant.

    You led me to believe we were back together while I was pregnant.

    You led me to believe we were back together shortly after I gave you a beautiful son.

    While I was pregnant, you deducted everything you bought for OUR child from my child support.

    While I was pregnant, when my gas was being threatened to be cut off, instead of just loaning me, or god forbid, giving me the money, you had me clean your home so I would feel I earned it. Then you argued with me over how much you owed me when it was done.

    You quit your job in 2007 without discussing it with me, without finding a new job first, and without care for the fact you had a 4 month old son as well as an 11 year old son. Those things were deemed less important than the fact you were unhappy at Breault.

    These are some of the things my mother thinks about while you wonder why she doesn’t like you.

    You don’t seem to realize that since it was made painfully clear to me several months ago that there was no future between us, once the child support stopped I was under no obligation to let you see your son, let alone see him everyday. You see Nelson as often as you do by my good graces, because I believed it was important for Nelson. Now I’m not so sure you really set a good example for him at all. Now I understand why Jay took off to Dallas, and I find myself almost wishing I could do the same thing.

    You will do exactly what you want, as you have nobody to answer to, but in my opinion that dating profile drove home for me how selfish you really are. Your desires trump all. However, what really burns me up and makes me even more bitter than I was toward men and relationships, is the fact that because you have so few responsibilities it will undoubtedly make it much easier for you to find someone new. When I am finally ready to try and trust someone with my heart again, I am going to have to do things like worry about child care, not to mention find a man who is willing to take on the burden of a small child as well as a girlfriend. I will have to balance my time between Nelson and someone else without making either feel cheated with my time. You will only need to worry about that on weekends, or whenever you’re slated to see Nelson, just as you had to do in regards to Charlie when you were dating me.

    I think you should stay away from me for awhile and let me have some time with myself and really figure out exactly what I want. Please don’t call me, I will give Nelson hugs on your behalf for a few days.

    Thank you so much for giving me such a wonderful, beautiful, truly awesome son. For that I will always be grateful, but as for the rest of it, I’m done.


    What do you think, should I send it?
    "I've never had a heart attack, but it isn't for my son's lack of trying." - Me

  • #2
    Quoth TTAZ View Post

    What do you think, should I send it?
    Is the Pope Catholic?
    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
      Is the Pope Catholic?

      I second this! I wish Wish WISH I had the courage to send something like that to my ex. Do it hon.

      Comment


      • #4
        I think you should nail it to his door. And maybe send it to any girlfriend he hooks up with.
        Enjoy my latest stupid quest for immortality. http://1001plus.blogspot.com/

        Comment


        • #5
          Certified letter so he can't say he never got it. Keep a copy for yourself for future refrence.

          Comment


          • #6
            I was going to do it as an email, depending on his reaction, I may be sending him certified papers from the court solidifying both the child support agreement and the visitation schedule. That'll be up to him, but really what am I saying except I'm pissed off at him, I think his behavior over the past 4 years has been deplorable, and I'm worried that he's setting a bad example for the kiddo. I'm not threatening to sever all contact, I'm asking for a few days to chill out and figure out how I want to proceed. Up to this point we've been trying to co-parent as friends, but, if I want to be honest here...he sucks at it. I've tried giving him the benefit of the doubt, I've tried talking to him, but he's the type of person that'll say he'll do something but if he really doesn't want to do it, he just won't. No excuses, no explanations, he just won't do it. When he comes over here, I like to take the time to go do something else (take a shower, read emails, even read the funnies) and have the ex watch the kiddo. Well, kiddo likes the tv on in the afternoons to watch Curious George. It doesn't matter what's on the tv, be it PBS kids or a game show or a prime time show I know he hates. HE WILL WATCH TV AND NOT NELSON. One afternoon I watched as Nelson tugged on his dad's pants leg and got no reaction. So the kiddo got on the couch and tugged the ex's sleeve and got NO RESPONSE. So a very frustrated kiddo reached up and pulled his dad's hair. The reaction he got? Ex fussed at him for pulling hair and went back to the TV, zoned out on a show about a talking dog geared for small schoolchildren.

            How is my son better served by having that in his life when he has a mom and a granny that actually look after him, pay attention to him, and clean the house regularly?
            "I've never had a heart attack, but it isn't for my son's lack of trying." - Me

            Comment


            • #7
              send it registered - but as others have said - keep a copy.

              its a very good letter

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth Damien View Post
                send it registered - but as others have said - keep a copy.
                Agreed, and don't forget to file for support in your local family court. Tell me his name is on the birth certificate. Like I mentioned in an earlier post let the IRS know about his support arrearage.
                I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my keister!

                Who is John Galt?
                -Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth TTAZ View Post
                  I can hear you saying now, “what emotional bullshit?”
                  What do you think, should I send it?
                  No. I believe that its good therapy for yourself in writing the letter...but don't send it.

                  All the things you listed about the things he did to you, he either doesn't perceive those things the same way you do or sees nothing wrong with them. And...you stated in the letter...you can hear him saying that it's "emotional bullshit". Don't give him the satisfaction of acting the way he expects you to act.

                  Merely tell him that you don't wish to speak to him for some time and then DON'T! You don't owe him any explanation as to why...you owe him NOTHING! You see...he expects the "emotional bullshit" - do something different....walk away without saying a word. Then, maybe after some time, call and work things out civily for your son and leave the past in the past. There is nothing you can do about that stuff now except make sure you dont' repeat the same mistakes in the future.

                  send it registered - but as others have said - keep a copy
                  Honestly guys, if he is as the OP states, he probably won't even read it...at least not right away and when she begins to list all the things that she has been wronged by...he'll probably scoff.

                  As I stated, writing the letter is great therapy...now burn it and do something differently.
                  Last edited by friendofjimmyk; 05-08-2009, 05:25 PM.
                  "I'm still walking, so I'm sure that I can dance!" from Saint of Circumstance - Grateful Dead

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    It was going to be sent as an email, not an actual letter, although I could do that if the need presents itself. But if it came to that I would of course consult legal aid and follow their recommendations.

                    I decided for now to use the letter as therapy, but it is saved for later use. I see my therapist on Tuesday morning and I'm going to ask him about it. In the meantime I sent him an email saying that I needed a few days to wrap my head around a few things and I would call him on Tuesday (after therapy) or Wednesday, plenty of hugs for Nelson, etc.

                    So far I've had no response, but I know he's read it.

                    Thanks FoJK for your bluntness, I really do appreciate it. And thanks to everyone else for your support. I will keep everyone posted as to any developments. This latest thing just seemed to be the cherry on the "I hate my life and want a new one" sundae.
                    "I've never had a heart attack, but it isn't for my son's lack of trying." - Me

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I second FOJK. Keep the letter. You got what you needed to say off your chest.

                      Now, let the court and whatever legal aid you can get take care of getting some child support out of him. Here in California, judges order deadbeat parents to work and they can get in real trouble if they don't. Also, if you are receiving any kind of government support, the district attorney is more likely to step in and force wage garnishment.

                      Let us know how it goes. Really, we want to know.
                      Labor boards have info on local laws for free
                      HR believes the first person in the door
                      Learn how to go over whackamole bosses' heads safely
                      Document everything
                      CS proves Dunning-Kruger effect

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Would you still feel angry over him courting someone new if he was paying child support?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth kibbles View Post
                          Would you still feel angry over him courting someone new if he was paying child support?
                          Probably a little bit. Something like "I wasn't good enough, and this person is?" kind of anger. That's something I can get over though, as long as it doesn't interfere with things like child support and visitation, but this kind of seething anger? No I don't think it would be so bad if I was getting child support.
                          "I've never had a heart attack, but it isn't for my son's lack of trying." - Me

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Quoth TTAZ View Post
                            Something like "I wasn't good enough, and this person is?" kind of anger.
                            I know this kind of anger. It's mixed in with hurt and it's not a good feeling. I still have it now, even a year after leaving my ex and being with someone else. I'm here if you want to talk hon

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I may not know you personally; but, I think you are handling things extremely well. I also agree with the idea of using the letter as therapy.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X