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As some of you may have realized, my life has taken a new turn. (You may have noticed I have not been whining about single life these days.....) But as with everything in life, there is a significant twist. This, as is to be expected with me, going to be a bit of a lengthy narrative, but I will be asking for feedback and advice, so if you don't mind wading through it, I would appreciate it.
In the beginning
It was late August, 1987. The first day of classes at my new (and third) high school. I had been in town all of a month, and had only met a few people, and was just beginning to fully come out of my Dork Shell and into my own as a person. So there I was, this young jester full of hope and optimism, and as I was settling in to my seat in my physics class, a lovely, petite, light-brown haired and lightly freckled girl who was way too cute for words walked in and sat down next to me. I was trying to think of some sort of way to break the ice (I was no longer an introvert, as I had been growing up, but I was still finding my way as an extrovert) when this lovely Irish-American lass shattered the ice for me by turning to me and letting out a long bitch about the school administration. Her beef? "I can't believe this shit! They have me listed as Nurse F. Betty!" So they got her middle initial wrong, what was the problem? "I don't have a fucking middle name! How do you screw that up?" She continued in her bitch session that was, to be quite honest, hilariously funny. This chick would say anything! And thus, a friendship was born.
Life intervenes
And we were good friends for years, as I went off to college and she worked her various jobs. We were never involved romantically. Did I think she was cute? Of course. And I wasn't the only one. Once when she visited me in the dorms, and I tossed her over my shoulder and ran down the hall with her (I was all of 130 lbs, so that should give you an idea of her petiteness), several of my dormmates made a point of asking "WHO was THAT?" Yeah, she made me look good, and even though there was nothing going on between us, I didn't mind the envious looks of my fellows that day.
And life went on. I went through my various romances, as did she. We both remained unmarried. She had two children; I became an uncle for my friends' kids. We lost touch for several years, but got back in touch many years ago, and have been in contact ever since. I even paid her a visit (and did magic for her kids) three years ago when I was last in Phoenix. And through all of that, still, there was no indication of any romantic feelings from either of us for the other one. Sure, we flirted a bit on the phone from time to time, but no more than we ever had, and no more than the natural flirtations I have with most of my female friends. Absolute meaningless goofiness, frankly. We were good friends, nothing more.
April 2009
My friend Cat was getting married in Salt Lake City, and I used that as a way to make a full vacation, adding five days in Phoenix to my three days in SLC, reasoning that I had not been home in three years and, damn it, my soul needed it! Naturally Nurse Betty was excited about my impending visit, but again, no more so than my other friends, including some I had not seen in much longer a time.
And, without going into details (my life is an open book, sure, but there ARE some things that are private), when we met up this time, things took a sharp left turn into Whatthehelljusthappenedville. We hooked up.
Detour: Several years ago, I hooked up with an old friend from high school. We had never been involved, but for some reason, that night, we had one hell of a time. I joked at the time that this was the longest it had ever taken me from the moment I had met a girl until I hooked up with her: 14 years. And it was great....and it was never really more than that one night. It was fun, but nothing more.
Well, with Nurse Betty, it was definitely more. Sure, the old record of time from meeting till hoookup was shattered--for Nurse Betty and me it had been 21.5 years! But it was not just about the sex. (Though the sex was fantastic!) Something started that neither one of us seemed to have control of. One day, we just laid there, enjoying each other's company, not talking, just enjoying being close and laying arm in arm. The idea either of us being silent for any time period is shocking enough, but both of us? Very, very odd. And while my time in Phoenix was limited, I spent as much as I could with Nurse Betty. This was the beginning of Something, and we both knew it.
Leaving Phoenix this time was, without question, the most difficult departure from there I have ever had. And not because of Nurse Betty. I realized how much I truly want to return to my desert home. I love Key West, and I always will, but I have been here ten years and I want to GO HOME! But add in the Nurse Betty situation, and this departure was all that much tougher.
On a whim, I invited her (with the bride's permission) to the wedding in SLC. And shocking, she would have gone if she could have gotten one of her shifts at the hospital covered. As luck would have it, she couldn't pull that schedule switch off on such short notice, and I was stunned at how crushed I was by this. Frankly, we were both weirded out by this whole Somoething. I mean, it's Nurse Betty! From her perspective, it's Jester! We're friends! This shit isn't supposed to happen!
But despite our protestations and the weirdness of it all, this relationship continued along its new uncharted path. And we were both hooked. We are now plotting various times when she can get to KW or I can get back to Phoenix. We have taken to referring to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend. We talk every night on the phone, sometimes for hours. An accusation that we are acting like high school kids would not be unwarranted. We are, after all, both very childlike (though we try to avoid being overly childish.)
Warts.
There are, of course, issues. One obvious one being that I live here in Key West and she lives in Phoenix. Yes, I want to move back. But at the moment, I do not have the money saved to do so--and this latest situation with my deadbeat roommate cost me a lot of money that could have gone towards that. Also, at the present, the economy in Phoenix is pretty much in the crapper, and finding a job, let alone one I would be able to make decent money at, would be rather difficult. So I figure I have about another year or so here in KW. This, of course, is not much to the liking of Nurse Betty. I am not overly thrilled by it either, but magician or not, I cannot just make money appear out of thin air.
Another issue is our personalities. Take two very passionate, very high energy, very stubborn people. Add to that the fact that both like to drink a good deal. Yeah...there are going to be disagreements. I even told her when this all first started that, given our natures and our dispositions, we are going to fight. It is simply inevitable. So far, we have had two fights. It's been not quite four weeks. Fun stuff!
Then there is our take on life. I am, generally speaking, a very optimistic, very hopeful, very positive person. She....is not. In her view, every relationship she has had has been a failure. Why? Because they all ended. Every relationship I have had has ended too, but I don't view them as failures. I learned from each and every one of them, and became a stronger and better person from each and every one of them. Whether the relationship was a negative one (That Vile Woman) or a positive one (The Brit), I took something from it and built on it. I firmly believe in Nietszche's saying, "That which does not kill me makes me stronger." I not only believe it, I am living proof of it. She, on the other hand, has more the philosophy of "What am I doing wrong that chases all these guys off?" It is frustrating, to say the least, to deal with some of her negative energy. Add to that that she is a bit of a manic depressive (if anyone says bipolar I will smack them), and I have those tendencies as well, though I have learned to deal with them better, I think.
If I were in Phoenix, there is no doubt in either of our minds that we would be dating. Her kids love me. (Well, her younger one loves me, her teenager tolerates my existence, which is about the same when it comes to teenagers.) We have a lot of the same interests. (We are constantly quoting movies to each other, and I am amazed that I have never stumped her.) I have always loved her as a friend, but now I adore her in a way I never envisioned. As my mother might say, I am smitten.
Now what?
Anyone with a map will surely notice that Key West is in no way in the vicinity of Phoenix. Not even a long drive away.....it is literally across the damn country. So here I am, finding myself in a long distance relationship. The dreaded LDR. In theory, we are not committed to each other and can, if we want, dally with others. At the moment, at least, neither one of us has any desire to do so. But as we all know, life has a funny way of throwing curves at you, and as I have said, it is going to be a while before I can finally make that move back to Phoenix. Hell, it's become a running joke with my friends in both KW and Phx, as I have been talking about it for years. Well, now I have more motivation than before, but that does not mean I can just up and do it tomorrow. I can't.
So then.
Any advice, suggestions, comments, reflections, thoughts, philosophies, ponderances, and/or ideas on this situation? To be very frank and very honest, I find myself feeling rather vulnerable, uncertain, worried, frightened, and a bit lost. My confidence is as strong as ever, but the thought of this whole thing going belly up scares the living shit out of me. And I don't like it.
So.....now what?
In the beginning
It was late August, 1987. The first day of classes at my new (and third) high school. I had been in town all of a month, and had only met a few people, and was just beginning to fully come out of my Dork Shell and into my own as a person. So there I was, this young jester full of hope and optimism, and as I was settling in to my seat in my physics class, a lovely, petite, light-brown haired and lightly freckled girl who was way too cute for words walked in and sat down next to me. I was trying to think of some sort of way to break the ice (I was no longer an introvert, as I had been growing up, but I was still finding my way as an extrovert) when this lovely Irish-American lass shattered the ice for me by turning to me and letting out a long bitch about the school administration. Her beef? "I can't believe this shit! They have me listed as Nurse F. Betty!" So they got her middle initial wrong, what was the problem? "I don't have a fucking middle name! How do you screw that up?" She continued in her bitch session that was, to be quite honest, hilariously funny. This chick would say anything! And thus, a friendship was born.
Life intervenes
And we were good friends for years, as I went off to college and she worked her various jobs. We were never involved romantically. Did I think she was cute? Of course. And I wasn't the only one. Once when she visited me in the dorms, and I tossed her over my shoulder and ran down the hall with her (I was all of 130 lbs, so that should give you an idea of her petiteness), several of my dormmates made a point of asking "WHO was THAT?" Yeah, she made me look good, and even though there was nothing going on between us, I didn't mind the envious looks of my fellows that day.
And life went on. I went through my various romances, as did she. We both remained unmarried. She had two children; I became an uncle for my friends' kids. We lost touch for several years, but got back in touch many years ago, and have been in contact ever since. I even paid her a visit (and did magic for her kids) three years ago when I was last in Phoenix. And through all of that, still, there was no indication of any romantic feelings from either of us for the other one. Sure, we flirted a bit on the phone from time to time, but no more than we ever had, and no more than the natural flirtations I have with most of my female friends. Absolute meaningless goofiness, frankly. We were good friends, nothing more.
April 2009
My friend Cat was getting married in Salt Lake City, and I used that as a way to make a full vacation, adding five days in Phoenix to my three days in SLC, reasoning that I had not been home in three years and, damn it, my soul needed it! Naturally Nurse Betty was excited about my impending visit, but again, no more so than my other friends, including some I had not seen in much longer a time.
And, without going into details (my life is an open book, sure, but there ARE some things that are private), when we met up this time, things took a sharp left turn into Whatthehelljusthappenedville. We hooked up.
Detour: Several years ago, I hooked up with an old friend from high school. We had never been involved, but for some reason, that night, we had one hell of a time. I joked at the time that this was the longest it had ever taken me from the moment I had met a girl until I hooked up with her: 14 years. And it was great....and it was never really more than that one night. It was fun, but nothing more.
Well, with Nurse Betty, it was definitely more. Sure, the old record of time from meeting till hoookup was shattered--for Nurse Betty and me it had been 21.5 years! But it was not just about the sex. (Though the sex was fantastic!) Something started that neither one of us seemed to have control of. One day, we just laid there, enjoying each other's company, not talking, just enjoying being close and laying arm in arm. The idea either of us being silent for any time period is shocking enough, but both of us? Very, very odd. And while my time in Phoenix was limited, I spent as much as I could with Nurse Betty. This was the beginning of Something, and we both knew it.
Leaving Phoenix this time was, without question, the most difficult departure from there I have ever had. And not because of Nurse Betty. I realized how much I truly want to return to my desert home. I love Key West, and I always will, but I have been here ten years and I want to GO HOME! But add in the Nurse Betty situation, and this departure was all that much tougher.
On a whim, I invited her (with the bride's permission) to the wedding in SLC. And shocking, she would have gone if she could have gotten one of her shifts at the hospital covered. As luck would have it, she couldn't pull that schedule switch off on such short notice, and I was stunned at how crushed I was by this. Frankly, we were both weirded out by this whole Somoething. I mean, it's Nurse Betty! From her perspective, it's Jester! We're friends! This shit isn't supposed to happen!
But despite our protestations and the weirdness of it all, this relationship continued along its new uncharted path. And we were both hooked. We are now plotting various times when she can get to KW or I can get back to Phoenix. We have taken to referring to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend. We talk every night on the phone, sometimes for hours. An accusation that we are acting like high school kids would not be unwarranted. We are, after all, both very childlike (though we try to avoid being overly childish.)
Warts.
There are, of course, issues. One obvious one being that I live here in Key West and she lives in Phoenix. Yes, I want to move back. But at the moment, I do not have the money saved to do so--and this latest situation with my deadbeat roommate cost me a lot of money that could have gone towards that. Also, at the present, the economy in Phoenix is pretty much in the crapper, and finding a job, let alone one I would be able to make decent money at, would be rather difficult. So I figure I have about another year or so here in KW. This, of course, is not much to the liking of Nurse Betty. I am not overly thrilled by it either, but magician or not, I cannot just make money appear out of thin air.
Another issue is our personalities. Take two very passionate, very high energy, very stubborn people. Add to that the fact that both like to drink a good deal. Yeah...there are going to be disagreements. I even told her when this all first started that, given our natures and our dispositions, we are going to fight. It is simply inevitable. So far, we have had two fights. It's been not quite four weeks. Fun stuff!
Then there is our take on life. I am, generally speaking, a very optimistic, very hopeful, very positive person. She....is not. In her view, every relationship she has had has been a failure. Why? Because they all ended. Every relationship I have had has ended too, but I don't view them as failures. I learned from each and every one of them, and became a stronger and better person from each and every one of them. Whether the relationship was a negative one (That Vile Woman) or a positive one (The Brit), I took something from it and built on it. I firmly believe in Nietszche's saying, "That which does not kill me makes me stronger." I not only believe it, I am living proof of it. She, on the other hand, has more the philosophy of "What am I doing wrong that chases all these guys off?" It is frustrating, to say the least, to deal with some of her negative energy. Add to that that she is a bit of a manic depressive (if anyone says bipolar I will smack them), and I have those tendencies as well, though I have learned to deal with them better, I think.
If I were in Phoenix, there is no doubt in either of our minds that we would be dating. Her kids love me. (Well, her younger one loves me, her teenager tolerates my existence, which is about the same when it comes to teenagers.) We have a lot of the same interests. (We are constantly quoting movies to each other, and I am amazed that I have never stumped her.) I have always loved her as a friend, but now I adore her in a way I never envisioned. As my mother might say, I am smitten.
Now what?
Anyone with a map will surely notice that Key West is in no way in the vicinity of Phoenix. Not even a long drive away.....it is literally across the damn country. So here I am, finding myself in a long distance relationship. The dreaded LDR. In theory, we are not committed to each other and can, if we want, dally with others. At the moment, at least, neither one of us has any desire to do so. But as we all know, life has a funny way of throwing curves at you, and as I have said, it is going to be a while before I can finally make that move back to Phoenix. Hell, it's become a running joke with my friends in both KW and Phx, as I have been talking about it for years. Well, now I have more motivation than before, but that does not mean I can just up and do it tomorrow. I can't.
So then.
Any advice, suggestions, comments, reflections, thoughts, philosophies, ponderances, and/or ideas on this situation? To be very frank and very honest, I find myself feeling rather vulnerable, uncertain, worried, frightened, and a bit lost. My confidence is as strong as ever, but the thought of this whole thing going belly up scares the living shit out of me. And I don't like it.
So.....now what?
Eric the Grey
, good luck!
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