Dating advice; am I being too sensitive?

[Slytovhand]

How the hell did you know about that mole?!?

We saw the photos on the net

[Gravekeeper]

How the hell did you know about that mole?!?

I.....er.....that is.....um.

I plead the 5th. >.>

[Der Cute]

So, you love Monty Python... how is his humour any different from theirs? (other than it's directed to other people, his is directed at you?). I'd say, just as Jester and Sadistic Bastard have said, it's a way of viewing the world - to laugh and enjoy life, rather than feel burdened by it.

Always look on the bright side of life...Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it...
Or the Money skit. A broad subject, with a fully irrational irreverent song about coinage.
And ...Bruce. Here's Bruce, and there's Bruce...Don't forget Bruce over there!

J's humor ...is more directed at me. Boundaries, fine line between poking fun and being meanish. Either I'm too sensitve about being short, or he's starting to make fun of me. His humors are also ...repeated. Like almost every time we get together. I'm tired of it in THAT way too. Find something else to poke fun at. Like camels. Or strange names for kids. Or little old ladies wearing weird hats. But, after the 135650987^3 time, it gets old.
So he 1) Repeats the short jokes 2)Stays with short jokes.

He's trying to make me laugh. He's making effort to be funny. Part of me appreciates that, and part of me thinks "that's dorky" (lol)

With the photoshoot problem, it was attention. He wants attention a lot. There are times when I'm doing something, and really - LET ME FINISH IT BEFORE YOU START POKING ME. I enjoy having time alone. I enjoy having time with J. But when I'm in Alone spot, it's hard? to change gears and get into JTime.
Does this make sense?

I think because I'm an Introvert, and he's pretty close to border on Introvert/Extrovert....there's a difference. I catch myself at times hiding from humans - I've actually been reprimanded by a boss about not getting to users' desks when they're there to fix things. I LIKE my ALONE time. I need more of it, I think. We're learning about all this.

J just finished a 6 week night school class, and did quite well in it. I actually enjoyed the time he was in class and busy with homework - I had more self time, and the time with him was still very enjoyable. Part of me thinks that our problems the other day were from me: hormones (yay.), needing alone time but not realizing it, and me getting offended at him poking fun at me. Part of me says it's still partially on him: I've told him to stop poking fun at me.

Cutenoob

[Becks]

I don't think he was being a jerk by doing it in the first place. But continuing to do it after he knows how much you dislike it is a bit... dickish.

My thoughts exactly.

[blas]

At this point, I can only offer you the same advice as I did yesterday, but a little meaner.

Instead of just picking on him, do what he does to you. Find something he may be insecure about, or a personality flaw that you know gets to him, or a physical thing...and repeatedly bring it up. Repeatedly pick on him for it, the way he does to you, the same prickish way.....knowing that he's irritated by it, keep doing it.

One thing about males....sometimes you have to teach them the hard way.

This is a little bit of a different story, but this can be a good tool to show you what I mean.

I was dating a guy, it was getting pretty serious, but he would NOT quit all of a sudden up and breaking plans with me. I had brought it up to him before, tried to be honest and let him know how it irritated me and frustrated me. He didn't take it seriously. So I figured, ok, I just did the right thing, the adult thing.....now I'm going to give him a dose of his own medicine.

So one Friday, I broke our plans and went shopping with a girlfriend. When he called me, expecting me to be ready for him to come over, I pulled the whole "Ooops, oh, hehehehehe I'm at the mall....Geee....don't know when I'll be back!" and not only was he a little pissed and extremely disappointed and probably hurt, but he was also desperate for me to answer "When will you be back, I really want to spend time with you!"

And guess what? He NEVER did that to me again, the rest of the time we dated.

Me getting back at my current boyfriend for picking on me, after repeated attempts to get him to stop and just having to resort to giving it right back to him...he's completely stopped it.

Sometimes with guys, they just won't get it until it happens to them.

[Shards]

What makes you think that's just guys?

It doesn't necessarily justify being vindictive about it. If you feel you need to be a prick to get the other person to understand your message, it probably isn't a solid relationship. Then again, as Jester is quick to remind us, my basis of knowledge on the subject is quite limited.

[invadernina]

Hi! I'm new, and I actually registered just to respond to this thread.

The thing that sticks out to me about this is that you guys have only been dating for four months. Four months and he's already "on pins and needles" because not EVERY joke he makes is okay with you. Um, wow? After four months, he should still be on his best behavior. This indicates that it's only going to get worse, much worse, for you and for your self esteem.

Here's the thing, and a couple of people have alluded to this already. You dealt with it in the nicest, most constructive way I can think of to do that. You weren't passive-aggressive, you didn't attack him, you didn't say mean things about him to "get back" at him. You just asked him, politely, to stop. He reacted with a blanket statement about the whole relationship, accusing you of being hard to deal with or hard to please.

No one is perfectly compatible in a relationship, especially where sense of humor is concerned. The fact that he made an insulting joke is hardly something to write home about. But the fact that he responded to your reasonable request by acting like you're in the wrong bodes ill for this relationship. It means that you're always going to be the one who has to compromise.

There's my two cents.

[Jester]

Instead of just picking on him, do what he does to you. Find something he may be insecure about, or a personality flaw that you know gets to him, or a physical thing...and repeatedly bring it up.

Blas, I love you, I really do....but I just cannot agree with this. It is passive-aggressive junior high behavior, and if I had to resort to it to solve a problem in a relationship, I think that would be a sign to me that the relationship was nearing the end. Don't get me wrong, I DO understand doing it to make a point, but to solve the problem? Um, no.

One thing about males....sometimes you have to teach them the hard way.

Sometimes with guys, they just won't get it until it happens to them.

These are rather blanket statements, don't you think? If I were to say something like that about women, I would get verbally filleted by the CS.com posters, and rightfully so. "Sometimes you just have to teach women the hard way for them to learn." Yeah, that would get me killed. It's not only a generalization, it is blatantly sexist. "Me guy. Me no learn till me get hit over head." Um, no. I don't think so.

Then again, as Jester is quick to remind us, my basis of knowledge on the subject is quite limited.

Not always that quick. I did recently say you are learning quickly, damn it.

it's only going to get worse, much worse, for you and for your self esteem.

Without knowing everything about the relationship, or even anything beyond what Cutenoob has said here, you are ready to make such a summary judgment and state that the relationship is doomed? Really? Are we reading the same thread?

Look, I know I am opinionated (duh), and that my opinions don't always jibe with everyone else's, and I know I have myself occasionally damned someone I didn't know that was being described by a poster. But honestly, we DON'T know these people, we are only getting a small window into their lives, and to draw such final conclusions with such limited information is a bit of a stretch, don't you think?


As always, with the above comments, I reserve the right to be completely, horribly, and even embarrassingly wrong.

[gremcint]

So after four months he has made fun of your height to the point you're sick of it? He points at a child's bike and says it would fit you? When you tell him not to make fun of something you've repeatedly told him not to mock he gets offended and blames you?

Let me check my readings here....

yup all signs point to asshole.

A lot of people here are saying dickish, sorry but in my opinion he's an asshole. He is the one being oversensitive actually, if he can't enjoy being with you without making fun of you I'd say he has some self esteem issues.

My dad decided to start joking that I have a bald spot, funny at first but after hearing about it every day I just yelled at him about (after months) and I've not heard it since. Sometimes people need a SHUT THE FUCK UP instead of a please stop, when you ask him to stop it looks like you're shutting down his fun, when you yell you make it clear this is not acceptable.

I'm sorry but from what you've said: he likes to make fun of you for being short, and smart. He likes to make fun of those that are slightly mentally handicapped (sorry I don't speak pc very well). When you say something bugs you after repeatedly telling him about it, it becomes your fault. You've only been dating him for four months.

Basically not only is he an asshole but he feels fine being an asshole with you when he has only been with you for 4 months.

1 of the following things is going to happen if you stay with him for at least another 4 months:

1. he wises up and stops making fun of you and the mentally handicapped.
2. you are exactly where you are now (him getting frustrated with not being allowed to make fun of you)
3. He gets more comfortable with you and starts showing how much a jerk he is.



I'm sorry if this is really negative but this image of him is based off of what you have said, if you think 1 is a possibility and he's worth sticking long enough for 1 then go for it, however if you think 2 or 3 is more likely then drop him, drop him hard and fast.


Also a side note from a guy: Telling people outright what you have a problem with is good, I've always said that if you can't be bothered to talk to me about the problem it's either not very important or you don't respect me enough to be honest with me.

[Jester]

I don't agree with everything gremcint said, but I do very strongly agree that there are times, and this may well be one of them, when a strong response is far better than a polite response. After all, there are times when "Shut the fuck up!" really is the best way to deal with someone being annoying, dickish, or an asshole.

[Der Cute]

Thanks guys. Opinions were asked for - that's why I posted here on the board.

There are time when I think J's sense of humor could use a little...maturity.....but at the same time, I can be uptight and picky.

I like structure. I like getting from Point A to Point B. Control.
He likes structure, but also likes to buck it. He is willing to go towards a place and not know exactly how to get there, but with the faith he will.

Yes, we're different, and I'm going to keep dating him, to see if we're still compatible or if we're different enough to warrant a breakup.

Isn't life interesting?

Cutenoob

[Slytovhand]

And remember, you're always free to kick him in the shins! Short joke=painful bruises.... he'll get the hint!


Are you kidding??? Money sketch? Meh...

World Cup - Greece vs Germany (philosophers...)
Albatross
And, of course, something no-one expects....
(personally, I've loved the Hungarian Phrasebook sketch most of all! Just something that anyone could do... )