A question about how you handle break-ups

[crashhelmet]

For me, it depends on why we're breaking up.

I'm not a beggar. If she comes up to me and says she wants to break up, I'll ask why, and then move on. If it's based off of a misunderstanding and we can work it out, cool. If not, I'm not gonna beg someone who no longer wants to be with me to stay. Just prolonging the inevitable.

When it comes to breaking up with her, I won't take that step unless I think it's completely unsalvageable. When I do, it's a matter of breaking it off and then walking away.

I'm still friends with very few of my exes. In some cases we're better as friends than as a couple and in others I was stupid and immature and didn't know what I had ;p

CH

[protege]

I suppose I should relate the tale of "She who must not be named." We went out a few times, then I get the whole "I'm not rejecting you per se..." speech. Then she tells me she's met someone else and that they were more than "just friends." Seems she really didn't care much about me at all

WTF? I was hoping to try to stay friends with her...but that wasn't happening. She simply told me to go fuck myself, and promptly disappeared. Still, at least I didn't reply in kind, and contact is pretty minimal. The occasional cryptic email, but that's about it.

At that point, I decided to quit wasting my time. Sucks, but I'm tired of getting hurt all the time.

[Nyoibo]

From what I've seen with my friends when they go through a breakup if you still need closure and aren't getting it from the ex then hours talking to friends and/or copious amounts of alcohol.

[Jester]

If I break up with someone, I do it face-to-face, no matter how much I'd rather do it over the phone.

I generally agree with this sentiment, that it is better to do it in person, but as with everything, there are exceptions. For example, The Brit dumped me over the phone, but in that case, it was the more thoughtful thing to do. Why? Well, at the time she was back home in England, and I was scheduled to travel there and meet her parents. Her breaking up with me over the phone, while horrible, was still far better than me spending tons of money to travel all the way across the Atlantic to meet my future in-laws...only to get dumped.

Yeah...the phone was definitely the more considerate option there, don't ya think?

In some cases we're better as friends than as a couple

My friend Harley and I were a horrible couple, and once we broke up (I dumped her, for the record), we became much better friends, and got along a lot better than we had as a couple. I am friends with many of the women I dated, but this is the one case where it was just flat out better for those involved to evolve to friendship rather than romance.