EEEEEEEEEEEEK

[iradney]

Ok, I'm engaged for less than 48 hours, and I'm having a panic attack! I don't know how to plan a wedding?!
I need someone to kick my ass and then give me an idea of what should be done in what order etc etc, please

[Plaidman]

GAH! OK!

First off, this is a celbration of love.

second off, find the place to wed. Could be a church, park, wherever you two agree.

Get a guest list. You make a list, TTO makes a list. Make a new list of SHARED friends. Family of course comes. Now you gotta shred that list. Take out people you haven't spoken to in a few years or so. Maybe take out work friends, unless they are very close. Decide ahead of time if you want any kids there, (which means you might not want to have say, Mr. Anderson with his ten kids there). Be polite but firm.

No exes. No ex-boyfriend. No ex-girlfriend. Unless you really belive that any of you three can control emontions.

Get a dress.

Choose cake and music.

Be sure to get days off from work or school.

And on a ... personal.... note. Try not to be that time of month for the honeymoon.

[Jester]

First...calm down. Take a deep breath. Relax. Let your shoulders drop down. Because you were all tensed up, and they were tightening up. How did I know this? It's my job.

In any case, relax. Have a glass of wine.

You will be fine planning the wedding, because you have many friends to help you. Including at least one who has been to over 200 weddings. Yes, I have. So once you and TTO pick a date (which is the very first thing you need to plan), drop me a line, and I will help you get through this.

So....chill.

[Soulstealer]

I say you go to whatever the equivalent of Las Vegas is. Cheap, fast, and little hassle. Have a reception when you get back.

[Elspeth]

I also recommend a binder to keep everything in. It will keep everything in one place.

And don't try and graduate from college 2 days before you get married, you will go insane

[The Gatekeeper]

I've got no experience with planning weddings, but I do have a lot of experience with scheduling. Perhaps you could start with choosing a date?

[Aislin]

There are great wedding planner books on amazon.com that walk you through step by step. There is one light blue one with flowers on the cover that i used (i forget the name.) keep in mind your time frame too. There are planners for planning your wedding in 3 months, or ones that give you a year. There are also great books on discounts and such. Myself, I plan on doing the whole vegas wedding with my bf when we finally tie the knot. The big wedding I planned with my ex got canceled less than 2 months before the date. All that time and deposit money wasted.

[iradney]

Ok. TTO and I are gonna try hash out the deets on Saturday. I bought a book called The Really Useful Wedding Book for South Africa - and it's really useful! I think once we have a date nailed down, and a guest list, we're gonna organise the venue, caterers, florist and photographer. THe dress can wait a few months I've got my attendants picked out, and I have no idea who he's got in mind...

[McGoddess09]

I agree with getting a binder. Maybe even just a three subject notebook.

Once you set a date, start looking at reception halls, spots to get married, honeymoon stuff, etc. Book as soon as possible.

Also, don't feel you have to go at this alone. If you plan on having a maid/matron of honor, get them to help you. It is, as I understand it, usually one of their duties. You could also ask people that you know who have been married, are getting married, or have been to their fair share of weddings for tips and advice.

And remember, don't let anyone tell you how to do it. It's your day to shine. You do it as you please.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Bless your heart . . . you sound like my baby sister.

I think after her initial panic attack wore off . . . yeah right . . .she and her fiance decided on a month (just not a set date yet. They want April 2011, just not quite sure which Saturday that month.)

She's already went dress shopping and took her BFF along to get an idea of what styles are available as well as pricing. They went to David's Bridal (a hugely popular chain here in the US) and they were sent to one corner of the store where they have their plus-size dresses.

I think that motivated Dingbat to start on Weight Watchers . . . she's put on quite a bit of weight over the last few years due to medications (for anxiety and depression) as well as the fact that she'd like to be healthier, so she's set her goal to lose around 100 lbs (she was 228 when she started WW a month and a half ago.) She's lost 6 lbs (as of 2 weeks ago when I last talked with her) and she's aiming for a target weight of 130 (which would be around a size 12 or 14, close to my size now.)

As she says "I don't want to shop in one corner of the store . . . I want to shop the WHOLE store." (that's my Dingbat for ya.)

She's also been checking online for wedding venues nearby. She's checked out a couple of bed/breakfast places that offer wedding packages but hasn't had time yet to go look at any of them in person.

She's also trying to add up everything so she can get an idea of how much money they'll need to start saving up next year after they get the money together for an apartment they can afford. So far I've promised them my Blue Willow dinnerware set, with all the accessories (soup bowls/cereal bowls/the platter/creamer and sugar pair, gravy boat and butter dish along with the saucers and coffee cups too. It's gotta be a zillion pieces to it, but I digress.)

They both were tickled pink when I offered all that dinnerware to them. Dingbat said she'd feel like she'd not left home (my stepmom has the same pattern that she and Dad use everyday. It goes with anything, but I'm digressing again.)

But we've got some time to come up with glassware, dinette set, small appliances, bed linens, towels and some living room furniture.

So once they get their place and get moved in, then they can start squirreling away money and get the day of the month set and start making out guest lists, invitations, getting her dress picked out, the tuxedos, etc.

I helped Mom as much as I could when she got married for the last time (20 years ago now.) By this time, my grandma was dead (she passed away in '86) so Mom didn't really have anyone to help her with planning. So we did the best we could with it.

But be prepared for headaches galore . . . we ran into some snitches, most notably when Mom was deciding on her attendants. Originally Mom wanted me to be Maid of Honor - but then when my aunt (Mom's oldest and last surviving sister, aka Aunt Whineyass) found out, she pitched the biggest bitchfit. She was 60 years old at the time going on 5 . . . bottom lip stuck out, crying that she should be Matron of Honor since she's Mom's sister, blah blah blah and of course threatening not to be at the wedding.

What does my Mom do? Although I suggested sticking to her guns (as I kept reminder her: it was HER wedding, not Whineyass') she chose to keep peace and let my aunt be Matron of Honor . . .

But then Whineyass threw a fit when Mom told her the date. She'd decided on August 5 (which was on a Saturday that year) and of course another bitchfit ensued . . . all because that day was Whineyass' birthday and my aunt could not stand for anyone to be the center of attention other than herself.

Even my stepdad-to-be put his foot down on that one: they were NOT changing the date. She could either be there or not. Her choice. Finally Whineyass decided to shut up and participate. . .

Then we had a problem with paying for the wedding: rather Mom was making deposits into the bank account, and writing the checks for the invitations, tuxedo rentals, etc and they started bouncing. After contacting the bank (which she'd been calling so much over the last 3 or 4 weeks b/c her ATM card did not come in the mail after she'd opened the account) we found out the cause:

She had her stepson from her previous marriage living with us after that marriage broke up . . . turned out the stepson (that dumbass stepbrother I had that I have no use for) had raided the mailbox and taken the ATM cards and he was raiding her account whenever he'd go off with his mom when she'd come by to visit.

Mom went and got a Post Office box and contacted the bank and had them send yet another card to them after that. She got that one - and her statement (she hadn't gotten a statement to the house, since stepbrother was hiding those too.) Mom threatened his mother with criminal charges unless she coughed up the money. I dont' recall if any money was repaid, but I know a week after the wedding the stepbrother was packed up, bag and baggage and sent to his father.

Other than that, we made it through to the wedding: that went off fine, but after the reception . . .

We had to stay upstairs in the sanctuary for pictures while the guests went downstairs to the fellowship hall where the reception was set up (Mom went for the church wedding, needless to say.) We hadn't been up there long having pictures made of the wedding party when suddenly from the front pew, guess who stood up and got ready to leave?

If you guessed Aunt Whineyass, you get a cookie. . .

She (and her b/f) both got up, turned around to the guests (who had not left to go downstairs just yet) and my aunt announced "We have to leave."

We were all shocked. Mom looked at her and told her "We're just getting started on the pictures."

"Well, it IS my birthday today and b/f and I are meeting friends for dinner."

It was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop and it'd sound like an A-Bomb. Everybody just looked at her and not. one. person said a word. NOBODY wished her a happy birthday. Not one person said "Bye." We all just looked at her as they both flounced out the door.

After that, we got the pictures finished without them and everything else went fine.

So be prepared for possible pitfalls . . . I hope my wedding horror story didn't scare you and TTO off from having a wedding.

[jedimaster91]

I say you go to whatever the equivalent of Las Vegas is. Cheap, fast, and little hassle. Have a reception when you get back.

This! I spent half my engagement wishing we could just run off to Vegas and be done already.

On a more serious note, get one of those wedding planning books and just take it one thing at a time.

[AccountingDrone]

Get someone who isnt in your wedding party to be your personal wedding enforcer .... not a planner, jus tsomeone to make sure stuff is done to your wishes.

what you do is take your binder of plans, including all the contracts and confirmation letters, and make certain they know exactly how you want your wedding to go. Their job is to go and physically check to make sure that the church is set up, the photographer is there, the limo is there, the flowers are there, that the wedding goes smoothly. Then they check to see that the reception area is ready, and the band/dj is there with the right music, and the food is set up, servers ready, bar set up and ready .... It makes things go much smoother as usually everybody in the bridal party that normally arranges stuff is usually busy as hell.

Really just a backup to check to see things are ready. Give them copies of the paperwork so they can strongarm people to get stuff done if needed =)

[NightAngel]

Here is one thing to be wary of... helpful (real life) friends. They mean well, they want to help it's very sweet...

Then, the next thing you know it's not your wedding anymore it's theirs. And they've planned to overspend the budget they were unaware of prior to your head exploding which utterly ruined the chartreuse and periwinkle veil they picked out for you.

Seriously though, it's true- and they do mean well. But friends get excited for you and want to help you so you don't have to stress. And, sometimes this gets out of hand...

[TheSHAD0W]

Aggh! Haven't you ever seen Bridezilla? Brides are *not* supposed to plan weddings! It's the bride's mother who is supposed to do it; if the mother isn't available, pick a motherly friend. Then STAY AWAY. Resist all temptation to get involved in the planning, or you are going to jinx it!

[SnapAddict218]

In any case, relax. Have a glass of wine.

Ok. I did. But I still don't know how that's going to help be bride to be.



WEEE! Weddings!!! YAY!