This seems just plain wrong

[BookstoreEscapee]

I know every woman wants a big special wedding

Not every woman. Unfortunately, I have a lot of family, so unless I elope any wedding will be somewhat big. I would do like my one friend, though, and have the ceremony in the same place as the reception to keep things as simple as possible (I've been to at least one wedding where the church was almost 45 minutes from the reception site). I'm not religious, and I'm rather shy, so the idea of a big church wedding makes me supremely uncomfortable for a few reasons. If it were entirely up to me, I'd be perfectly happy with going to the courthouse, signing the paperwork, and then having a big party to celebrate.

I never understood destination weddings, especially if it'd make going to said wedding expensive for the people you would want there. Nice location, but isn't that what the Honeymood trip is for?

Personally, I think destination weddings are for people who don't really want everyone there. If you have a destination wedding and you truly expect everyone and their brother to actually show up, you are delusional.

I have a friend who was married on a cruise ship. We were allowed on about noon, the ceremony was at 1, there was a small buffet lunch and they kicked us off promptly at 3:30. They had about 25 people going on the cruise with them (mostly family and some friends), and maybe another 50 who came just for the wedding. Personally, I wouldn't do that because no way in hell is my family coming along on my honeymoon.

[Pony_Boy]

I never understood destination weddings, especially if it'd make going to said wedding expensive for the people you would want there. Nice location, but isn't that what the Honeymood trip is for?

For us, it's the option that makes the most sense. We both live halfway across the country from where we grew up. That means our families/childhood friends are all on the east coast while we and all our closest friends live in Ontario. Wether we do the wedding here or on the east coast not everybody we care about will be there.

Additionally, my gf has a large part of her family she doesn't want at her wedding and I have a very small family that I'm not very close too and very few close friends

By having a destination wedding, we have an ideal situation where we can can avoid the people we don't want ( without actually excluding them) and help pay for the people we love ( those that will let us anyway) given that the resort will likely give us a pretty sizable discount for the group, it wouldn't cost much more then having the wedding here, probably a bit less actually

There is just something to be said about getting married barefoot on a beach in paradise. Why go away for a honeymoon when you can get it all done in one fell swoop?

[AdminAssistant]

My mother won't get on a plane or boat and no way in hell is my family coming along on my honeymoon. I also don't have much desire to go to someplace tropical. A cozy B&B tucked away in the Ozarks sounds nice - well, that's in the range of affordable anyway!

Even though he hasn't popped the question, I know he's going to soon (we've picked a ring and he's called my parents). So, I've already started thinking about some things. I've been talking to friends and I said, "Oh, I don't want a big church wedding" Then I got a bevy of replies, "Oh, the courthouse is the best way to go." What? Who said anything about a courthouse? I want a nice wedding that most of my family can come to - we never get together anymore and, to be blunt, I want to see some of my great aunts and uncles before they die. Surely there has to be a situation between "giant church wedding" and "eloping at the courthouse".

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

For us, it's the option that makes the most sense. We both live halfway across the country from where we grew up. That means our families/childhood friends are all on the east coast while we and all our closest friends live in Ontario. Wether we do the wedding here or on the east coast not everybody we care about will be there.

Additionally, my gf has a large part of her family she doesn't want at her wedding and I have a very small family that I'm not very close too and very few close friends

By having a destination wedding, we have an ideal situation where we can can avoid the people we don't want ( without actually excluding them) and help pay for the people we love ( those that will let us anyway) given that the resort will likely give us a pretty sizable discount for the group, it wouldn't cost much more then having the wedding here, probably a bit less actually

There is just something to be said about getting married barefoot on a beach in paradise. Why go away for a honeymoon when you can get it all done in one fell swoop?

See, that makes sense, and it's not forcing a hundred people to travel all over the place.

I guess I was refering more to those weddings in, like, Jamaica or Paris or some exotic locale that costs a fortune to go to and stay in even for a day.

When/if I get married, I'll probably just go through a Justice of the Peace and tell no one where the Honeymoon is. Except the groom, of course.

[Indigo]

My mom is just happy that I actually want to get married. Now because I am the only daughter, I can't just up and elope (although sometimes that seems like it'd be easier). On the bright side, I've told her that there's not going to be a wedding for about 3 years since I need to finish college and then I'd like for us to get a place of our own first. So plenty of time to save up and plan but everybody already knows its going to be a very relaxed sort of wedding (ie guests can come in nice jeans and shirt).

But I'm also the maid of honor for a wedding that I'm not too thrilled that is happening (I keep reminding myself that she's my friend and she's gotta have someone who will stand beside her) and its looking to be kinda pricey on my end. She wants a bachelorette party, but she's not even legally allowed to drink (she just turned 19) and a bridal shower, but she and the groom are living with his parents and plan to do so for at least 2-3 more years.

[Primer]

If the family cannot afford to attend, send the excuses, maybe a token gift or card and no gift at all, and hope for some pictures of the day.

I concur. The only reason my parents were able to be at our wedding is because we sprung it on them by surprise, and had it in their back yard. Only immediate family who were already in town were in attendance. Everyone else was notified after the fact, and NO gifts were accepted.

I want a nice wedding that most of my family can come to - we never get together anymore and, to be blunt, I want to see some of my great aunts and uncles before they die. Surely there has to be a situation between "giant church wedding" and "eloping at the courthouse".

If you don't have a back yard big enough, consider talking to your local Parks department about renting a pavilion for a day.

[BookstoreEscapee]

and tell no one where the Honeymoon is. Except the groom, of course.

I dunno...I might not tell him, either

[AdminAssistant]

If you don't have a back yard big enough, consider talking to your local Parks department about renting a pavilion for a day.

This will be in Arkansas - likely in the summer. Outdoors is. not. an. option. When it's not sweltering hot, there's too great of a chance of rain. The university is, sadly, not an option since they require you use their food services (I would LOVE to get married in the lobby of the theatre, it's gorgeous and a special building for me). But I set my sister on the hunt, and she'll start looking for me. There just won't be many options - no pretty museums or libraries. I'd prefer to steer clear of hotel conference rooms, but.....yeah.

[protege]

Personally, I think destination weddings are for people who don't really want everyone there. If you have a destination wedding and you truly expect everyone and their brother to actually show up, you are delusional.

My aunt is getting married next week. Instead of having the wedding somewhere on the east coast, where most of the family lives...she's having it out in Arizona somewhere. Needless to say, she's a bit annoyed, since we're not going. Why? Well, plane tickets, hotels, and rental cars cost money...which we don't have right now. Besides, it's not like she's paid much attention to us anyway

[Solumina]

This will be in Arkansas - likely in the summer. Outdoors is. not. an. option. When it's not sweltering hot, there's too great of a chance of rain. The university is, sadly, not an option since they require you use their food services (I would LOVE to get married in the lobby of the theatre, it's gorgeous and a special building for me). But I set my sister on the hunt, and she'll start looking for me. There just won't be many options - no pretty museums or libraries. I'd prefer to steer clear of hotel conference rooms, but.....yeah.

Is there maybe an indoor botanical garden or an historic home? You could also look at parks that have welcome centers that can be rented out.

[AdminAssistant]

Is there maybe an indoor botanical garden or an historic home? You could also look at parks that have welcome centers that can be rented out.

Nothing's jumping to memory, but I haven't lived there in 4 years. That's why I set my sister to the task. Sadly, the town I'd like to have it in (since it's the most convenient for all of our families) really doesn't have much in the way of....culture.

[Fire_on_High]

I know every woman wants a big special wedding, hell, every man probably wants the same thing....

No, no, just no. I'm high strung and nervous about anything new or unfamiliar, and hubby is antisocial as all get out. If we'd been forced to go thru a "big special wedding" we'd still be living in sin. Slinking off to the courthouse suited us both, thanks. No fussy unfamiliar clothing to ruin or embarrass myself in, no risk of scenes from relatives, and no huge bill. Just as legal as the biggest white wedding around.

[blas]

Well, thank you for correcting me.

I'm not saying everyone should just wear the nicest thing in their closet and get married at the courthouse and take everyone to McDonalds for the reception, I was just trying to point out that no matter what big fancy plans you dream in your head, you've got to be practical and considerate, at least to a point.

There should be a happy medium between not compromising what you want, but also not compromising your friend and family members' bank accounts.

And hey, I'd never blame anyone if they purposely did it the expensive way to discourage people from coming, if that was the intention. I'm always looking for ways of getting rid of relatives and fair weather friends. I'd purposely do something I thought up myself to discourage certain people or activities, come to think of it.

[Fire_on_High]

I like the way you think :-)

[BookstoreEscapee]

And hey, I'd never blame anyone if they purposely did it the expensive way to discourage people from coming, if that was the intention. I'm always looking for ways of getting rid of relatives and fair weather friends. I'd purposely do something I thought up myself to discourage certain people or activities, come to think of it.

There is a letter in today's Dear Abby that is relevant to this thread... (2nd letter)