I may get arrested for murder.

[Jester]

It goes back to something that was said early in this thread about how men who hook up with much younger ladies are either predatory, or at the level of an early twenty-something-year-old themselves. It seems that the latter phenomenon is at work here.

That very much seems to be the case. I found out after the fact that after our little talk, Mr. Tolerable and Princess were basically mocking me, taking things I said out of context, including things that I didn't say per se, but thing I said I had heard about him from others, including his friends. So fine, he can mock me, be a prick, act like he's in his twenties. As long as he makes her happy and doesn't fuck her over, that's fine. My ego and his level of respect for me are both far less important than her happiness and safety, as far as I'm concerned.

More troublesome to me than his mocking of me and my (very valid) concerns for my niece is his complete disdain for STD testing. Since he's been with so few women and was with each for so long (according to him), he doesn't seem to see why he should get tested. After all, nothing's come up, so what's the worry?

Yes, this came out of the mouth (and presumable the brain) of a 41 year old adult male in 2010. "Yeah, I haven't been tested as much as I should, but I should probably look into that" would have been a far more satisfactory answer to me than "I'm fine and no woman I've fucked is sick, so what's the problem?" No, he didn't utter those words, but that was his basic attitude. Yes, I know (and agreed with him) that the details of his and Princess's sex life are none of my business. But her SAFETY is very much my fucking business, thank you very much. This was the item that most pissed me off, I think.

As for the "father figure" theory...I think that is over-rated in this case. Princess' father died recently and it sounds like they had a good relationship. If I were in her place, I'd be totally squicked out by the idea of having sex with or shacking up with a "father figure", but that's just me.

I don't think it is over-rated. As BE pointed out, few people who do this realize they are doing it. And I cannot state strongly enough how traumatized Princess was by her father's death, nor how much she worshipped him. I do not KNOW that Mr. Tolerable is a father figure to her, but it wouldn't surprise me greatly if that was what was going on.

I did recommend to Princess that she get some therapy for the trauma she went through, but of course, she is ignoring me on that one.

[poofy_puff]

More troublesome to me than his mocking of me and my (very valid) concerns for my niece is his complete disdain for STD testing. Since he's been with so few women and was with each for so long (according to him), he doesn't seem to see why he should get tested. After all, nothing's come up, so what's the worry?

Yes, this came out of the mouth (and presumable the brain) of a 41 year old adult male in 2010.

Wow... It sounds like he fell asleep in 1979 and woke up a few minutes ago.

I've been with my husband for 10 years and we were both tested when we got married. Recently we decided we can both date other people, and I got tested again, even though I have no immediate prospects and haven't had sex outside of our relationship since my last test. One can never be too careful. I'm actually reluctant to pursue this precisely because I've gotten used to the "safety" of being with only my husband.

I don't think it is over-rated. As BE pointed out, few people who do this realize they are doing it. And I cannot state strongly enough how traumatized Princess was by her father's death, nor how much she worshipped him. I do not KNOW that Mr. Tolerable is a father figure to her, but it wouldn't surprise me greatly if that was what was going on.

Well, ok, if you say so... although that's a damn poor excuse for a "father figure" if he's so clueless about shit like "STD Protocol 101".

[Zellie Crescent]

I agree with Poofy_Puff STD testing is very important, they should not joke around about it or take it lightly. When my ex-boyfriend and I first got together I was still a virgin, he went and got tested on his own without me telling him to do it because my saftey is what he cared about. We're both clean by the way. Another thing they might not want to joke around about is birth control, trust me I've seen plenty of "don't wory's" and "I'll be fine's", they ended up knocked up and felt stuck. If this slimeball does/says anything wrong to Princess then I've got a golf club that needs breaking in. I'm this way with my sister and her fiance too, they think I'm loud and nosey.

[Jester]

that's a damn poor excuse for a "father figure" if he's so clueless about shit like "STD Protocol 101".

No argument there. Not that he is trying to be a father figure to her or anything, at least not consciously, but yeah, his cluelessness/willing ignorance in this area very much bothered me.

Another thing they might not want to joke around about is birth control, trust me I've seen plenty of "don't wory's" and "I'll be fine's", they ended up knocked up and felt stuck.

I talked to both of them about birth control also.

Princess assured me that they were using birth control.

Mr. Tolerable was vaguer about it, telling me their sex life was none of my business. I pointed out to him that, yes, the details were none of my business, and I really don't want to know about them, but things like birth control, things that involve the safety and well-being of my niece very much ARE my business.

He seemed to indicate that they had no plans for children, or any desire for unplanned children, and that her going to college right now really did need to be the priority.

As I've said, he's Mr. Tolerable, not Mr. Wonderful. I'm not thrilled about this guy, but in the end, he seems to have her best interests in mind. I think.

Meh.

[blas]

I still vote he's a total loser.

I hope this asshole doesn't ruin her future. She's so young and has the world at her finger tips.

[Jester]

I still vote he's a total loser.

I don't think he's a total loser, and let's face it, I am the person that would be very biased towards that conclusion in this.

As I said, he seems.....alright. Great, no, but tolerable. Hence his moniker.

I would not be surprised if this guy was playing naive and socially clueless.

I don't think it's an act. He seems genuinely that way. If it IS an act, he deserves an Oscar, an Emmy, and probably some other awards. Because he's not just that way around me and Princess, but pretty much everyone I know who knows him, including people that he doesn't know I know, such as some of his friends.

I just have one question, I don't think anyone's asked it yet which is kinda weird. Did she ask to move in with him, or did he ask her to move in with him?

I....don't know. I think it was just an outgrowth of her spending so much time at his place anyway, that she pretty much was already de facto living there. But I think that he asked her, because of the situation. But don't quote me on that.

To be honest it seems like she is looking for a bit of stability (and generally older men are viewed as more stable and reliable) but she still wants someone that has the same idea of fun that she has (which is still in the "Wooo!!! Lets party!" phase, hence the immature guy).

She actually is not that much in the "Wooo!!! Let's party!" stage. She parties less than me, actually, and in that sense they do kind of work together. She parties a little more than him, but only a little. For a 19 year old girl living in a party town, she really doesn't raise that much hell. If she was looking for stability, he certainly seems stable, in many ways. So that is a possibility, I suppose.