Dating/Girl Horror Stories....

[Whiskey]

jester typing some shit

you posted what i posted. the difference is, if someone fights me I will burn down their house.


Anways, heres a sexy party story.

I'm bisexual. I know, mythical and unheard of, but yes a genuine bisexual. There was this girl who lived next door to me. She had a dysfunctional as shit relationship and while i was interested, I gave her my honest advice. A couple of people disputed my advice as colored because i "liked her." Well, yeah, but I like my BFF far more than I like this bitch and I'd give her the same advice.

Eventually broad and her gf break up. I make my Whiskey moves (as subtle as whiskey can be) and insinuate I'd like to do it with her.

Well. this broad is 19. I'm 22. It doesnt seem like much, but goddamn if its not. This girl hems and haws. Oh she likes me, then we're friends, and then she doesnt want to hurt me

Bitch I want to get laid shut your god damn mouth

Finally we kind of hook up. Fun is had, we make out, fondle and then.....

this broad blueballs me.

"i like you too much"

then goddamn get on with it

"no i mean.. well i dont want to have sex with anyone right now"

Okay, legitimate. I'm not one to try to fuck anyone who doesnt want to fuck. The next day I find out shes fucking some butch dyke from downtown

while trying to get me to court her. Bitch, go home, no one cares. She looked a little offended when she tried to out me as "trying to start something serious" with her when I replied "i was just trying to get laid, you god damn prude."


And earlier I was wondering why I quit dating. And why i drink so much.

(edit: whiskey is far more interested in screwing than relationships if you havent noticed. I make this exceptionally clear to everyone. And as of that moment I dont date anyone who is under 25.)

[KiaKat]

I'm trying to cultivate that side of me which says "I'm crazy and you don't wanna fuck with the crazy." It's a bit of work, but will pay off in the end. Because it's true, I just don't telegraph it well enough ahead of time.

Hm. There are stories in my history, I just have to remember them and construct them into story form. I'll work on that today while I'm at work.

[Amina516]

I dont date anyone who is under 25.

*cough* Im 27..*cough*

But seriously guys....you make me glad I didnt/dont actually "date date".

Hlaf these "dates" wouldve ended with my foot in their crotch.

[Whiskey]

*cough* Im 27..*cough*

ill see you in the lupo thread

[malmalthekiller]

My last year of school, before I met my current boyfriend, I started "dating" a freshman.

In some aspects, it's awesome. They don't want a serious relationship, they want to have sex, they're eager to please.

The flipside is: they can get clingy, they don't know that you need alone time, and they get a big head about their first year in school.

Basically we had sex a few times, and our interest kind of waned, but then suddenly he stopped wanting to hang out at all, and finally just stopped talking to me. We lived on the same floor, so it's not as if he didn't get busy.

Then I found out he became "obsessed" with this other freshman he went to high school with, and basically spent his time stalking her. I obviously stopped talking to him, and hopefully the girl didn't end up as a land shade.

[Misanthropical]

I never dated this asshole, but I was his wife's friend and tried to help her leave him because he liked to beat the holy hell out of her, but she liked the presents he bought her when he felt bad about beating her. He also told Mr. Mis he wasn't a real Italian because real Italians beat their wives to keep them in line. Mr. Mis gave him a look and walked away.

Anyway, one day his wife is standing at my door telling me that her husband want a manaja twa with her and myself. I told her there was no way in hell that was going to happen and that our friendship was over and to forget we ever were friends. Mr. Mis was extremely pissed off to say the least when I told him about it.

[Whiskey]

Anyway, one day his wife is standing at my door telling me that her husband want a manaja twa with her and myself.

Ménage à trois

and Mr. I'm A Real Italian has obviously never encountered a Real Italian Woman because he would instantaneously (and mysteriously) die the second he lifted a hand. Grind his bones to make my pesto (points for obscure childhood reference)

[Jester]

you posted what i posted. the difference is, if someone fights me I will burn down their house.

I think you misunderstood what I said. See, I WILL burn down their house....but I have no problem avoiding that for a more peaceful resolution. It is not that I simply want them to think that I'll rip their throat out. I WILL rip their throat out, and cook it for breakfast with some eggs and a side of home fries, thank you very much. I just don't see the point in doing that if it's not necessary.

This girl hems and haws. Oh she likes me, then we're friends, and then she doesnt want to hurt me

this broad blueballs me.

"i like you too much"

"no i mean.. well i dont want to have sex with anyone right now"

The next day I find out shes fucking some butch dyke from downtown.

Congratulations. Now you know how it feels to be a guy.

And as of that moment I dont date anyone who is under 25.)

I'm 40, for the record. Of course, I'm also on the other side of the country from you, but I figured I'd throw it out there anyway, just for the hell of it.

[Whiskey]

I think you misunderstood what I said. See, I WILL burn down their house....but I have no problem avoiding that for a more peaceful resolution.

I'm 40, for the record. Of course, I'm also on the other side of the country from you, but I figured I'd throw it out there anyway, just for the hell of it.

I'm 23, i got like three more years of being a dumbass left. Assuming its temporary..

Some guy chased me through traffic one day because he almost hit my car and I flipped him off (he must have been new here). I went through a light and turned to pull into a parking lot and he just kept going. Chicken

[Jester]

I'm 23, i got like three more years of being a dumbass left. Assuming its temporary..

It's not. I'm still a dumbass.

Some guy chased me through traffic one day because he almost hit my car and I flipped him off (he must have been new here). I went through a light and turned to pull into a parking lot and he just kept going. Chicken

Sounds like what happened to me yesterday. Was at an intersection, and the light turned green. I was turning left, and started to pull out. The car across from me going the other way was also turning left, and also started to pull out. Both turning left, no problem.

Other than the JACKASS coming down the other road at full speed in his convertible, on his cell phone, and blowing through his red light at about Mach 2. I leaned heavily on the horn, as only my quick reflexes prevented his nailing my beloved Jestermobile. (The other car turning left was on the far side of the road from the convertible, and so had more room to stop than I did.) How did this guy react to the realization that he had just blown throw a red light and almost killed people? As he blew threw it and I laid on the horn, he half waved to me with his cell phone hand, as if to say, "Whatever." Although I didn't see it, my passenger told me that after that, he flipped me off.

That's right. He just blasted through a red light, and when I got mad at him for being a careless reckless douchebag asshole and almost hitting me, he flipped me off.

Makes perfect sense in the world of ass clowns, I suppose.

Okay, back on topic....more dating horror stories, please! We are way out in left field now!

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

I'm 23, i got like three more years of being a dumbass left. Assuming its temporary..

Why does it seem like everyone YOUNGER than me has better skills at acquiring nookie than me?! *headdesk*

[Whiskey]

Why does it seem like everyone YOUNGER than me has better skills at acquiring nookie than me?! *headdesk*

be a bigger ho, thats all i got

and since Jester is being a BIG WHINY BABY, heres another story

Two crazies is fine, two crazies with the same crazy is bad

Dating within your own disorder is like dating within your own social circle. it can work, but generally it never does. If theres two things Bi-Polar kids love to do, its being flaky and fucking.

So, my best friend introduces me to her cousin. Flighty, drug addled, makes no sense, there is definitely something wrong with him. My kind of man We hang out a couple of times, nothing really happens, we bullshit and it turns out we're both the same type of crazy!

oh shit, this is going to end interestingly.

After a couple of hook up's it happens. He jumps me on the couch mid-sentence and we start making out. And it is terrible. His tongue was absolutely everywhere (and not in the sexy way). I think half my face was covered in slobber after he finished checking my throat for tonsils. I manage to push him off me and we go back to having a conversation like nothing happened.

Then he says he has to go home, hands me 100$ and leaves. I dont think I ever saw him again after that. We still talk occasionally.

[KiaKat]

Should I share the story about the guy who broke up with me via email after ignoring my emails for a week?

[Jester]

and since Jester is being a BIG WHINY BABY, heres another story

That's MISTER Big Whiny Baby to you, wench. (Though I have no idea what you think I am whining about, but whatever....)

Then he says he has to go home, hands me 100$ and leaves.

HUH? Say WHAT?

I guess you were serious about being a bigger ho, huh?

[Whiskey]

Should I share the story about the guy who broke up with me via email after ignoring my emails for a week?

I broke up with a guy over myspace. Thats part of the saga though. And yes you should.

HUH? Say WHAT?

My kind doesn't particularly value money. :P we're weird that way.