Kara: An Abridged History of Truth and Loss (Epic Length)

[MoonCat]

My goodness, how could we ever hate someone with the courage to trust us with so much truth? Yes, I see you as strong and brave. You're dealing with a lot of heavy stuff right now. I wish you peace of mind, and hope everything works out well for your family.

Be yourself, Kara. You're pretty darn cool!

[Sonoma]

The others have said it so much better than I can. I just wanted to chime in one more voice of support. You have a lot of friends on this forum. I admire your ability to come out about something so personal. If it helps, I too have always pictured you as a girl, and nothing is going to change that.

Hang in there, know that you have a lot of support, and have faith that this will all be cleared up soon.

[XCashier]

You have really been through the wringer. I hope and pray that everything works out for you and your family.

[Antisocial_Worker]

I'm afraid I don't have any suggestions, but like everyone else here, I can offer my support.

[Der Cute]

Kara-
I always did think you were a woman. I see you that way, whether you have man or woman parts .

Now - as for the child shit...I'd be steaming mad. Has this affected your job? Do you think your CO might be able to help you? (I'm not advocating spilling beans, but trying to to think of people who would know the right paths to getting help).

My story about DSHS. I had post partum depression, bad enough to want to check into the hospital psych ward. I wasn't "sick" enough to kill myself or others, so I was turned away. BUT I had a list of thoughts/fears written down, to identify what was so different about me at the time vs me normal.
That list had one or 2 things in it, that someone thought it was ok to call CPS. These thoughts had a disclaimer saying "I know this is wrong, thats why I'm not doing it" (if you DID do those, you'd be psychosis PPD). But someone still called them on us.

My BF was mad at me for writing these things down. I told him to stfu, This shit needs to be identified. We went through about 3 mos of stress and weird logistics, but we got a letter stating "this has not been confirmed and is dismissed".

If you can prove (prove is the point here) that you are not harming your children, that's the key. I don't think you do harm anyone. BUT someone needs to prove that to the state to allow custody to you, and visitation in between.
Has your wife taken the kids to a counselor to get answers out of them? A pediatric psych doc to discern their points of view vs you adults?

I'm sorry Kara. Your plate is full of shit at the moment. We are here to help you with that load. I don't know much about TG or TS or such - just that it's got to be difficult. I'll think good thoughts for you and family tonight, cuz for a while, I wasn't allowed to be alone w/ my little man.

Hugs, chocolate and kitty bonks.

Cutenoob

[Kara]

You guys are the bestest. Seriously, you have no idea how much comfort it brings me to have so much support.

Has this affected your job? Do you think your CO might be able to help you?

When I missed two days of work being in jail, I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I couldn't call and talk to them because it's an automated system and I was only allowed to make collect calls. When I got out, it was night, so I had my mother take me on up to the prison so I could talk to the Captain. He said my wife had called and let them know that something had happened and I was going to be out for awhile, but didn't know how long. So they put me down for vacation. I told him I'd be there the next day if I still had a job, and he said, "Of course you do!"

Since it was the weekend, I went in early on Monday so I could talk to the Warden. He said they'll help me any way they can, the only thing that would affect my job would be a bad outcome and prison time (obviously). But he was very understanding and supportive.

The only way it has affected my job is maxing my stress level, which makes me a mega-bitch to the inmates, but I don't feel too bad about that. That, and the couple of times I've had to call in because I was hit by a sudden panic-attack and couldn't possibly make the 50 mile drive, and I definitely don't want to risk breaking down at work.

My story about DSHS. I had post partum depression, bad enough to want to check into the hospital psych ward. I wasn't "sick" enough to kill myself or others, so I was turned away. BUT I had a list of thoughts/fears written down, to identify what was so different about me at the time vs me normal.
That list had one or 2 things in it, that someone thought it was ok to call CPS. These thoughts had a disclaimer saying "I know this is wrong, thats why I'm not doing it" (if you DID do those, you'd be psychosis PPD). But someone still called them on us.

Ah yes. Let me tell you the story of the Little Blonde Bitch. Our youngest was a very difficult pregnancy. My wife was in horrible pain from pretty much the start of the second trimester. She wasn't officially placed on bed rest, but she was to lie down as much as possible. They tested for lots of things, and couldn't find anything wrong. So they settled on saying her symptoms were idiosyncratic. Basically, they acknowledged that she was in pain, but could find no medical reason as to why (not long after delivery, they found she had a nasty cyst on one of her ovaries).

Due to her being in so much pain, her gyno said she could be induced at 38 weeks. So we get in scheduled, go in, and it doesn't take. Now, she clearly doesn't want to do anything to hurt the baby, but the Resident at the hospital, a tiny little stuck-up blonde girl who looks like a first year med-student, says is starting to suggest that she shouldn't have been induced anyway and they tried and that's too bad for us. So my wife, with several months' worth of tears and frustration over this difficult pregnancy says, "I just want this to end. I want it to be over."

So the Little Blonde Bitch runs and tells someone that my wife is threatening to kill herself and/or the baby. Then we had to convince some hospital psychiatrist that she meant she wanted the ORDEAL to be over, not life itself, and that the idea that she would EVER wish death on her unborn child was completely asinine. Little Blonde Bitch just stood there all smug the with her arms crossed behind the counselor. Every time we assured them that they misunderstood, she would say, "Well SHE said she wanted to end it and be rid of the baby, and she's not in a good frame of mind, etc." The counselor was satisfied, which only made Little Blonde Bitch storm out of the room saying something about calling CPS. To the best of our knowledge, she never did.

The story ends with us being discharged and then her going into labor the next morning (black Friday, btw). So we went back in and demanded that Little Blonde Bitch not be allowed to come anywhere near us, and he was born around 6:30 that evening.

[Jarissa]

O'course you're a woman, Kara! I admit that I have trouble picking up "author voice" from text, but my husband's more typical, and from the first time I read part of your post aloud, he was certain the storyteller must be a woman working at a prison.

Which he also feels certain must require brass ovaries, by the by.

Little Blonde Bitch -- there's something about the newly educated that makes them susceptible to power trips, isn't there? I had a guy at Barnes and Noble tell me that I might be about to die because he'd heard me mention waking up that morning unable to see due to migraine, and how relieved I was that it'd slacked off after only a few hours this time. He knew I was in danger of brain collapse, see, 'cause he was a medical student! Only one more ethics class before he could apply to an intern program!

I hope that everything eventually turns out better than it was before this mess started, Kara. You're a good person, you love your kids, and you make the world a better place. And learning to put your temper to better use might help your son learn how to put HIS temper to better use. I've always found "like mother, like son" to be more likely than similar personalities across same-gender lines anyway; I'm more like my dad, for example, and my husband is more like his mom.

[Squeaksmyalias]

I'm not sure what to say since so many people already said what I'm thinking. I really hope everything works out for you, remember we are here for you.

[Kaylyn]

I, too, always thought of you as a woman.

The most badass woman I've ever met on the internet.

[RayvenQ]

As for being transgender? You're the first person I've met that is open about it and it doesn't change a thing. I'm so sad that the religion you were raised in didn't accept it, and I'm happy for you that you've made peace with who you are.

Same goes here, as far as I'm concerned, Kara is Kara (and one of us) and nothing else matters., gender doesn't come into it.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Actually, we don't know the whole you.
What about the happy stuff? What hobbies do you have? How did you meet your wife? What do you love doing with your kids? What foods do you enjoy?
... et cetera. Point is, I've been working on not being ms. negative nancy, and seeing the world in a more balanced life. Yeah, your life sounds pretty shitty atm. But, you know what? I'm someone who was on the other end of mistaken 'child abuse'-- an awkwardly placed, very rare injury does that. And since I was all of 3, I couldn't do anything about telling people. (EDIT: and no, I was never taken away from my adoring family. ) Just know that there's hope for sanity. I second the "tell them about your son's anger/self-harm fits." This is crucial information.
Teh's TMI/ Corner: ... I am a visual person. I pictured you as a wide shouldered, wide hipped lady with front and back to match, thick blond hair in a ponytail, and a shit-eating grin on her face. Now that image has a stereotypical guy part (penis, not that I imagine you or anyone naked anyway) and now I can't get that image out of my head.
(please note: this is my only problem with your ... uh... announcement? coming out? telling us you are more a woman than a man.)

[BookstoreEscapee]

What foods do you enjoy?

Chicken soup and saltines, at the moment

Hope you are feeling better

(please note: this is my only problem with your ... uh... announcement? coming out? telling us you are more a woman than a man.)

See, I always just thought Kara was a woman, in a lesbian "marriage," said word used in the non-legal "we'd be married if we could" sense. But somehow this further information doesn't change anything about that, really, except the usage of the word "married," I guess.

[Kara]

The most badass woman I've ever met on the internet.

Aw. Again, you guys rock.

I pictured you as a wide shouldered, wide hipped lady with front and back to match, thick blond hair in a ponytail, and a shit-eating grin on her face.

Um........

Thanks?

Chicken soup and saltines, at the moment

This is true. I'm not having a good start to the New Year, sadly. Sudden onset of sickness = suckage.

[Chazzie]

You are awesome, Kara. Always will be. You're still a brave wonderful lady with an awesome sense of humor. What's to hate?

That said, I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. Keep positive and things will work out in the end. CPS is a nasty organization to fight- trust me, I was the kid fighting them. They don't listen to anybody but paperwork. But you can get through this.

[morgana]

Kara, I don't have anything much to add, everybody's already said it. Just this: Thanks for trusting us.

I'll keep a candle lit.

Morgana