Confessions of a Wayward Cook.

[Jester]

My love of cooking is well known on these boards, but it's both funny and slightly embarrassing to admit some of the things I have never done as a cook.

Now, most of you know that I Don't Bake, but that's not what I'm talking about. I mean just basic kitchen things. These are not things that I've failed at, mind you, but things I've never even attempted.

For example, I have never separated an egg. For that matter, I've never boiled one either.

I've never made sushi. Sashimi platters, yes, but never sushi, as I've never made the rice for it. Once I start making the rice (something I've been vowing to do for years), I'll be unstoppable with my rolls!

I've never blackened anything. Despite my love of blackened seafood, I've never actually made anything blackened myself. Pan seared, sure, but never blackened. Which, honestly, is just pan seared with the right seasonings, but there you have it: never been done in Jester's kitchen.

I've never worked with quail eggs. But then again, I don't think I've ever seen them in the store. (We have limited shopping opportunities down here, and I did not "discover" quail eggs till I lived here. No idea if you can find them in Phoenix stores.)

I've never made lemon pepper anything. Sure, I have the seasoning in my spice tower, but only because a former roommate left it behind. Ditto with the cream of tartar. What the hell IS that, anyway?

I've never made my own barbecue sauce, though that will change soon. Ditto wings sauce. Ditto bleu cheese dressing, though I have made salad dressings before.

Odd. This just occurred to me. While I own two crock pots, I have never actually made anything in one. Kept stuff hot, sure. Actually did a slow cook thing in a crock pot? Nope.

I have never julienned anything. Then again, my knife skills aren't that great.

Adding to the above, I have never cut anything into a chiffonade. Hell, I tend to just chop, dice, or mince. I'm more about flavor than artistry, sashimi platters aside.

I have never cooked with fennel (or anise, as some call it), despite the fact that it looks really interesting. There are lots of things I haven't cooked with, but this one just keeps popping up on all the cooking shows. What am I missing out on???

I have never made meat balls. Burgers? Sure. Meat Loaf? Made my first a few weeks ago. Meat balls? Nada.

I have never cooked duck. How the fuck have I never cooked duck? I don't know. I am not fond of turkey, so not having cooked that is not surprising. But duck rocks! Wait a minute....I just realized...I've never cooked a whole bird of any type! That seems rather fowl to me!

I've never made my own pasta. Always out of a box. (hangs head in shame)

So, fellow CS cooks....what are your shameful little kitchen secrets? Inquiring minds want to know. Now if you'll excuse me, my eggs are fighting, so I have to go separate them.....

[AdminAssistant]

I *think* cream of tartar is used occasionally for baking purposes, but someone with more cooking experience than I would have to speak to that.

I dunno about "shameful secrets" but I need to try out more of Mom's recipes, well, while she's still here to help me with them. (People have a tendency to die early in my family; I take nothing for granted.) I have yet, for example, to make her banana pudding,* chocolate pie, or fried chicken. I also have yet to master the fine art of proper milk gravy.

I guess my only real shame is how much junk food/fast food we've been eating lazy. Fiance and I both got bit by the lazy bug REAL bad.

* I recently ordered banana pudding at a local BBQ joint, only to discover that it included NO actual bananas and a scant few vanilla wafers. Mom layers the homemade pudding with wafers and sliced bananas....so good!

[Becks]

Aside from the facts that I can't really bake bread and I despise my kitchen?

...can't think of anything at the moment...

[Jester]

AA, when you say "no actual bananas," do you mean no sliced bananas, or not bananas at all? I ask because many banana puddings puree their bananas into the mix.

Personally I love almost any decent banana pudding, with chunks of banana or not, which is amusing, considering bananas are my only actual food allergy.


Becks, do you despise your kitchen because it's a suckass kitchen, or do you despise it because you just flat out don't like to cook?

[Food Lady]

Cream of tartar is an acid in powdered form that's a product of winemaking. If you are whipping egg whites to stiff peaks, it will help stabilize them. But that would require separating the eggs first. I will say my waffles are fabulous--light and crispy--because I separate the eggs and whip the whites before folding into the batter. (The egg yolks just get mixed into the batter as is.)

ETA: I believe if you are out of baking powder you can sub a blend of baking soda and cream of tartar, but I'd have to look up the conversion amounts.

[AdminAssistant]

AA, when you say "no actual bananas," do you mean no sliced bananas, or not bananas at all? I ask because many banana puddings puree their bananas into the mix.

No sliced bananas. It's possible that there were pureed bananas in the mix, but I'm not sure. Either way, the pudding was meh and the cookies were kinda stale. With Mom's, because they're layered, the cookies get kinda mushy, except the ones on top, that retain a crunch.

Dammit. It's a good thing I'm going home next week.

[Jester]

But that would require separating the eggs first.

Which is something I will do one day. Just haven't gotten around to it yet.

Unlike baking, it is not something I am not willing or able to do. Just haven't done it yet.

[Marmalady]

The banana pudding sounds wonderful, and I think my son would go crazy for it - can you give me the recipe, or is it a family secret?

[RayvenQ]

Seperating eggs is damn easy, but requires a bit of a knack to get right without getting eggs all over the place, just buy cheap eggs and practise (i can give you instructions if you'd like xD)

And to be honest, and this coming from someone who used to be a chef professionally, your list isn't shameful really.

[Jester]

Shame is personal. And I am very personally shamed.

(And if you know me at all you know I am completely full of shit.....)

[Marmalady]

You can get little knick-knacks that separate the egg for you - put them over a cup, break the egg into them and the yolk rests in the middle while the white slides through the gaps into the cup. Good if you're in a hurry.

[Jester]

Okay, there are a lot of cool gadgets out there, and I'll admit I have a few of them....but if you can't even separate an egg without a gadget? Forget it.

Yes, there are people who can't do this on their own, but I am not one of them. I just haven't done it yet. Trust me, I am fully capable of doing it without a gadget.

[Victory Sabre]

I don't do as much cooking as I'd like to do for 2 reasons.
1 - My kitchen is very small. Not much room to work in.
2 - I don't like cooking for just myself.

[Cookie]

My confessions? I've set the stove on fire TWICE when I worked in an kitchen. This was two separate occasions and both times I was making basil garlic leek butter. Both times, I let the clarified butter get too hot before adding the leeks. The flames shot over my head. It was kind of fun.

I made bananas foster once for my bosses and their sons and an intern. I followed the recipe to a T and added the banana schnapps AFTER I had burned off the rest of the alcohol in the dish. My bosses' kids and the intern were a bit tipsy.

ETA: They were not young kids. The youngest was a couple of years away from the legal drinking age, so it's not like I fed schnapps to an 8 year old.

For separating eggs, sometimes I pass the yolk from eggshell to eggshell (if it's going to be really well cooked) and other times I crack it into an open (CLEAN) hand. The white running between my fingers acts just like an egg separating gadget only better. If the white doesn't want to let go, I can close my fingers to "snip" it.

[RavenStarr]

Well lets just say that knowing the difference between a garlic bulb and a garlic clove is very important.