In which I'm a failure again

[Kanalah]

Argh. Had a show today and now my mom is mad at me.

She was complaining about how I'm always depressed and why don't I just cheer up, etc etc.

And I'm tired of sugar coating everything (mom thinks she's perfect and it's everyone else that has problems) and I snapped back at her that it's hard to be happy all the time when you grow up hearing your mom tell you that you're worthless.

So on the way home from the show she was all crying and "you don't love me and you blame all your problems on me."

*sigh*

I'm going over everything in my head and while I feel bad for snapping at her the way I did, I think it was overdue for me to say something to her about it.

[charred]

she's making it about her, and it's about you. ignore her.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

One of my grandmothers was like that. She'd pick and nag and yell until you called her on it, then she'd put on the poor me routine. I felt so bad for my mom (her daughter) who was her primary caretaker. My grandmother loved me and (sometimes unfairly) treated me better than others, but sometimes I had to tell her she was wrong. Then she'd sniffle at me, too.

[BroSCFischer]

A couple of suggestions for taking tests/difficult subjects in general.

#1.) On test taking day, try to arrange enough time before hand to give you time to calm down. On the way listen to soothing music, stop and have a (decaf) beverage. If you give yourself time to relax, you might be able to concentrate better, and thus do better on the test.

#2.) Since this is a difficult subject for you, it might make taking tests easier if you actually went to a classroom, since that would be the environment you would be learning in AND testing in, it might make it more comfortable.

BTW, you may want to seek professional counseling services. You obviously have some self esteem issues that you are working through, and talking with a trained counselor might help. Many locations have free/low cost counseling services available for those who are financially strapped, and I think it would really help with your stress level.

Hope this helps,

SC

[Marmalady]

So on the way home from the show she was all crying and "you don't love me and you blame all your problems on me."

Sounds as if someone is happy to dish it out, but can't take it.

My ex was like that - he could snarl and growl and pick holes as much as he liked, but if I turned and snapped back, I got the 'dying duck in a thunderstorm' routine.

I think it's a version of what children do if they're getting told off for doing something wrong, i.e. burst into tears because (a) they don't like the feeling of being in the wrong and (b) they hope you will feel bad about it and the telling off will go away.

[Shpepper]

I don't know if this has been mentioned before or not, but try going to the advising office and asking for the special ed counselor. This will be someone who deals with people who need special attention for things like learning disabilities and TEST ANXIETY, which I believe you may have. Talk to them and see what they can do for you.