Very Very Not Happy....Actually Friggen Pissed

[Jester]

It is difficult to ignore them because I'm an overly nice person who has a difficult time saying no. My friend actually suggested I let him delete my number from JackHole's phones (yes he has multiple phones. 1 to show his P.O., 1 old one he's not supposed to have and 1 new android he's not supposed to have). Today, I agreed because I need help. I wanted to do this myself at first but it's getting worse. Today, he called 7 TIMES IN A ROW and left a nasty message telling me to "answer your fucking phone" because he "just wants to fucking tell you one fucking thing but I can't fucking tell you unless you pick the fuck up". The first few times I let it ring because I dodn't want to hit ignore and let him know I'm ignoring his calls. The I realized, yes that's exactly what I want! So I started to ignore them. I'm considering changing my number...

You are clearly a nice person, but in this case, you are being too nice.

Changing your number? Because of this shit?

I agree that you need to talk to the police and get this shit official. I reiterate my earlier comments that you need to ignore his calls and his texts, and NOT listen to his voicemails, as they clearly upset you. And while I am usually one to say "you need to do this for yourself," I appreciate the fact that you recognized you needed some help and went out and got it from your friend.

I am PMing you my phone number. Call me this weekend.

[Canarr]

And if he IS violating his parole by acting in this fashion? It's his choice, he obviously doesn't deserve parole if he can't abide by the guidlines set.

Read my post carefully: I'm all for calling the police on him if necessary - and from Kisa's further posts, we're well beyond necessary. I merely objected against a blanket statement of, "That's the way it is!" because I seriously dislike those. Since notlovinit already retracted that, though, I've got nothing further to add here.

So, @Kisa: what everybody else already said. Take care, be safe, and get that creep cut out of your life asap.

[Redbeard]

You misunderstand, Canarr. I wasn't arguing, I was agreeing and then some.

Kisa: If this guy's also an unreformed gang banger (And I have met some that got out of that life. Good people now, very haunted by their past), that makes him more dangerous because he also has the "violence = best argument ender/date motivator ever" mindset.
Please go to the police immediately, tell them that you are reporting harassment from a paroled sex offender and that you need to file a report with his P.O.. Make sure that the texts and voice mails are all transcribed by an officer to be included in the official record.
The only way he's going to listen is if there's a badge in his face with very clear instructions "You go near her, you go back inside". Trust me, the LAST thing someone with an underage sex conviction wants is to be back behind bars, and it also sets a record of behavior in the system that is reviewed at his next parole hearing, if he's allowed one.
I'm glad you're listening though, I haven't been here very long but I'm growing to like pretty every other Veteran of Asshattery by the Public (tm) in here

[Kisa]

Ahh, so he's a kiddy diddler. It just gets better and better with him, don't it?

The incident that gor him locked up happened when he was 17 and his then girlfirend was 15. After that, the story always changes but my guess is he talked her into shit she didn't wanna do. The school restrictions are put in place because he had sex with a minor. In my state, a minor is anyone under 18 so trat includes girls with driver permits, girls with training bras and kiddies in diapers.

I am PMing you my phone number. Call me this weekend.

I'll try to get the call in tomarrow but I may not be understandable as I'm getting all 4 wisdom teeth surgically removed

that makes him more dangerous because he also has the "violence = best argument ender/date motivator ever" mindset.

Honestly, I thought of that a week ago and it's haunted me since...

[Buglady]

Too many women have been raised to be "good girls", to not want to "cause a scene" or upset the man's feelings, and that is precisely what the creeps are hoping for

^^^ THIS^^^

Short version:

Ask yourself: What's worse? Being not-nice, maybe even bitchy, or being beaten up and/or dead? Because that IS where this will go. I am not kidding, exaggerating or overreacting. That guy is showing EVERY signal there is for abusive males.

Police. Now.

Long Version:

1. Seriously, being nice is fucking overrated. Women do not owe men automatic sweetness-and-light (and how exactly does a penis warrant that kind of obeisance anyway?? Honestly! Half the guys who pull this crap don't even know how to use theirs anyway!).

2. This guy has already broken his side of the social contract - you know, the one that says "don't be a douchewaffle and harass women" - so it's completely fair for him to experience the consequences. You are in NO WAY being mean, bitchy, unfair, unfeminine, vindictive, or anything else by not saving him from himself! He's already been in jail. Let him deal with that if he didn't learn the first time. Not your problem. You just met him.

3. Read Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear. That goes for all women reading this thread, actually.

And one other thing - Kisa, I'm old enough to be your mom. Please trust me when I say that having someone mad at you isn't the end of the world. At this stage in your life your friendships are a huge part of how you are growing into yourself as a person - but they are NOT the whole of who you are, and the short term sting of rejection from friends who don't agree with you cannot compare to the strength you will find in doing what you need to to protect yourself.

Also part of being older is that you run out of energy to deal with drama, bullshit, and the strutting young males that cause a lot of the former, so you get a lot better at either ignoring them or subduing them with a well-placed Alpha Bitch snarl...

[Seshat]

Honestly, I thought of that a week ago and it's haunted me since...

Smart woman.

Get thee to a self-defence-for-women class.

The sort that allows for the fact that our strengths and weaknesses differ from those of a male body.
The sort that emphasises attention and alertness and being able to rapidly assess situations.
The sort that lets you know where the 'safe' and 'dangerous' areas of a city are.

Also read Gavin deBecker's book "The Gift of Fear", and any other similar books your local librarian can recommend. (If the library doesn't have TGoF, BUY IT. It's worth the money. I own a copy.)

Get a cell phone. Keep it charged. Keep emergency on speed dial. Any time you're in a 'between' zone, have the phone in your hand, with your thumb on the speed dial button.
A 'between' zone is anywhere between busy-with-people and empty-of-people. Examples are the dispersal area of a train station or bus station, any parking lot, and any quiet area near busy areas (such as the back halls of a shopping mall).
'between' zones are dangerous because there are enough targets for a predator, but not enough lights-and-people for the victim to easily get help.

If you notice something wrong in a between-zone, DO NOT head for your car or your home or somewhere like that. Go to the lights-and-people. If you feel unsafe, rather than just uneasy, hit the speed dial on your phone and keep talking to the operator until you are safe. Better for you to keep an emergency-services operator busy while you get to safety than for you to end up a news headline.

If you're attacked, or even 'just' encouraged to leave lights-and-people by someone you don't feel comfortable leaving with (such as HIM), make a scene. Again, better to make a scene than to be a news headline.



Any of the security officers and former security officers here will (I trust) back me up on this: they may not want to be kept late at work, but they'd far, far rather escort someone to their car and watch to be sure the person gets into the flow of traffic safely, than to read the newspaper and find out someone was killed on their watch.
You can ALWAYS go back to lights-and-people. And you can always at least ASK for security to escort you to your car/to the bus stop/watch you until you get into a taxi. If their particular job doesn't allow them to do that, a smart/wise security officer will let you wait somewhere they can watch you, until help can arrive.



The best form of self defence is not needing to fight - because you just weren't there when the fight would otherwise have occurred.

Keep yourself safe.

[iradney]

I normally put it this way:

Would my Dad tolerate this kind of behaviour towards:
1) me
2) my mom
3) himself?

Generally if the answer is no to at least two, then shut that shit down.

[Eisa]

Agree with reading Gift of Fear, I picked it up about a year ago while skimming true crime titles, and it was worth it. Very much worth it. I know for me, it helped me stop worrying about the might's and what if's and pay attention to what is actually happening around me.

This guy is not a nice guy. Therefore, you don't have to be nice. In fact, don't be nice at all.

And definitely agree with going to the lights-and-people. Might make you feel stupid and paranoid, but better to feel paranoid than to be dead (to put it bluntly).

Also--question--did you learn what his crime was from him or do you actually know the details?

[Jester]

Trust me, the LAST thing someone with an underage sex conviction wants is to be back behind bars...

We don't KNOW that his conviction is an underage sex offense. We only know that he has a sex offense. It could be anything.

The incident that gor him locked up happened when he was 17 and his then girlfirend was 15. After that, the story always changes but my guess is he talked her into shit she didn't wanna do.

And not to belabor the above point, but we don't know this, either. After all, what is your primary source for knowledge about this guy's offense? My guess is that it's him, or perhaps his cousin (your friend), who may not know the whole story. Anything Mr. Douchebag says has to be considered suspect and questionable, so if he says he was 17 and she was 15, that may be the truth, or that may be near the truth, or that may be a complete and total fabrication. After all, if a guy says he had sex with 12 women, most people believe it was less than that. Why would we believe a convicted sex offender when it comes to the nature of his offense. I mean, really, who knows what really happened?

More to the point, who cares? After all, it doesn't really matter what his past conviction is for. It only matters that now YOU can use it as a weapon to get HIM away from you. And use it you should. You should use anything you can to distance yourself from this sackless piece of crap.

I'll try to get the call in tomarrow but I may not be understandable as I'm getting all 4 wisdom teeth surgically removed

Ouch. Yes, that's very understandable. Well, keep in mind, it's 8:23 am, and I'm already awake, so if you wanted to call me before said surgery, knock yourself out.

If not, just PM me when you get the chance, and I'll let you know what my schedule is so you can call me at your convenience. But the sooner we get this douchebag out of your life, the better.

And do not delay going to the cops at all. Get there as SOON as you can. As in yesterday, woman!

[Shpepper]

But the sooner we get this douchebag out of your life, the better.

And do not delay going to the cops at all. Get there as SOON as you can. As in yesterday, woman!

What Jester said. We need our Kisa. Your stories light up my life.

[Canarr]

You misunderstand, Canarr. I wasn't arguing, I was agreeing and then some.

Ah, crap; misread your post. My apologies.

[AccountingDrone]

Just got a text reading, "I want you to come over friday or saturday; thats 3 days notice for you so do that; we'll talk and straighten shit out"..
"I want you to come over...do that"= bad; Stating you want that person to do something without caring what they think and then telling them what to do.

Oh freaking hell no. Either tel him no way, or make arrangements for the biggest meanest looking guy you know to be there with you. Not saying that he will assault you if the 'discussion' doesn't go his way, but he did end up in jail for sexual assault.

Text him back, once, and tell him you want nothing more to do with him, and that he is not to contact you again. Then ignore him and block him. You can do it without having to pay $5 extra on your plan. Go sign up for youmail.com. It's free, and you can block his number through there. Works like a charm.

so I checked out their page, how well does the play the disconnected message work? I have some bill collectors that are chasing an ex roomie and they are getting hella annoying. Do you plug in their numbers or can you add them from the call log? Do you have to go online to their webpage to register the numbers you want to cockblock?

[Sakka]

JackHole's phones (yes he has multiple phones. 1 to show his P.O., 1 old one he's not supposed to have and 1 new android he's not supposed to have).

Am I the only one who saw this and thought that idiots parole officer should be informed about those phones, along with everything else.
I don't know for sure, but most conditions of parole mean that you can be searched whenever and where ever a police officer feels like it. Locally, it's not uncommon for officers to arrange a search at someones place for 3 or 4am.

[blas]

I don't know about parole, but probation officers can and will randomly search you whenever (with a police escort), but it usually depends on how much of a threat or risk of reoffending you are. My ex had a too kind probation officer, and because he wasn't white trash, she didn't think it was necessary to check on him or drug test him or go to his house the way she did with other guys on probation. Even though he violated his probation often and was caught a few times at a bar, she'd only for the minimum follow up that was required, because she didn't think he was "bad enough" to require constant monitoring.

[DeltaSierra]

After reading all this and what he's been saying and how he's behaving what I simply can't understand is what is keeping you from going to the police with this, pronto?