Do I suck it up and attend or stand my ground?

[FuzzyKitten99]

so now they're using emotional blackmail.

are you grandparents saying that the only time they can see your boys is at your mothers birthday party?

why cant they drop into your home an hour (or 3) before the party or another day even?


what your grandparents are doing is forcing you to face your mother. please please dont let them do this to you.

This might seem like the case but it is not. They don't do this. It would be very out-of-character for them. I believe they legitimately want to see my kids.

The reason they can't just stop by any time is because they live 4 hours away. They are on a fixed income so with gas prices and needing to stay at a hotel when they come down because driving that much in one day is too hard on them, most visits happen with everyone else going to up to see them.

My boys are the only great-grandkids right now. Because of my husband and I being pretty much the only ones running our shop, and only one car right now, it makes it hard for us to (just me or both of us) get up there.

And honestly, I don't know how much she knows about my decision to avoid my mother. I haven't told her and I don't know how much my mom has told her, if any. Like I said I haven't officially told my mom anything only just stopped trying to call or text her completely.

[georgie]

maybe you should tell your grandmother then.

[FuzzyKitten99]

Well, I went and it was ok. I placed my kids on both sides of me so as to keep them from fighting or messing around too much. Based on how everyone was seated, my mom ended up on the other side of one of my kids. This was nice because it forced her to interact with my youngest, and she did, which kept our conversation limited.

It was nice to see my mom get a decent birthday celebration, I do have to say that. I am not completely heartless and hateful towards her.

I just didn't say much and let everyone else do the talking.

I talked with my grandma an hour beforehand. She said she had set the party up solely because she wanted my mom to have a nice birthday for once. She only included me and my 2 sisters and our respective s/o's, and my mom's boyfriend, who helped get her to the dinner and kept it a secret, etc. It had nothing to do with me and my not speaking to mom, and her wanting to get us to speak. She said it wouldn't be right if she had only asked my sisters to attend but not me. Especially when my shop is literally right across the street.

After dinner we made small talk but really I tried not to say much.

So, all in all, pretty uneventful.