I'm at my wits end...please help :(

[Der Cute]

http://www.womenslaw.org/

http://www.probono.net/dv/

http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/

this counts as domestic violence. You should also be able to contact the court assistant/secretary/clerk's office and request information for pro bono, legal aid, legal services for DV victims. That DV shit is so fuckin common these people have lists and lists of resources. (shame it has to exist in the first place). Start here now. Shit, open your CITY's webpage and state webpage, that will help. Pro Bono. Legal Aid. Legal Advocate. Legal Assistance. Restraining Order. PPO. Some of the key words to search with and look for.

[Pixilated]

Do you qualify for legal aid? Or how about a paralegal?

[Kisa]

She has texts saved and pulled the phone records and I'm going with her to confirm her side of the story. I'm worried it won't be enough and then I'll be a target too....

[Akasa]

Use those texts as proof of his being unstable/abusive.

[Kisa]

Update:

Today he hurled into another emotonal rollercoaster like episode in text form. Months after my mom kicked him out, a male coworker of her's admitted his feelings for her, so they went on a date. One led to another and so on. He's a really nice guy and we all really like him. Apparently, my 6 year old brother did the typical 6 year old thing and mentioned to Steve that "mom's friend came over and brought me candy". So he blew up her phone with calls and texts saying she is a horrible person who is warping their son, she's a bad example and a bad mother, et cetera et cetera.

Later, when he came to drop off my brother from skating, he told us that he will "definetly be coming to the court on Tuesday". Tuesday is the PPO hearing which my mother and I are both going to..... I'm literally hysterical. Shaking, crying, the whole 9 yards.

The biggest problem is that he is a sociopath. Sociopaths have no conscience, no emotion. They can lie, cheat, steal, even physically harm others with no regret or remorse. They can, however, fake emotion very well and lie very well. I'm scared that he will lie his way out of this and maybe even do more damage. He stopped seeing his therapist before she could confirm the diagnosis so we have no concrete proof of this.

We would like to get supervised visitation, immediate scheduled visitation, and the PPO. We do not have a lawyer and cannot afford one. Any ideas?

[PepperElf]

Shame this may be a non-starter. That sort of thing can come in very handy. How about refusing to pick up the phone and letting all his calls go to an answering machine or voicemail?

He definitely sounded pretty ranty in the court session. Here's hoping the officials see him for what he is.

You know voicemail might be a great option. Besides, with the PPO he's not suppose to call anyway, no?

[Pixilated]

One idea is to find out what the wire-tapping laws are in your area and record all contact. He's just proven that he is willing to lie and bad at it. If you have immediate proof of lies, he gets shut down.

Shame this may be a non-starter. That sort of thing can come in very handy. How about refusing to pick up the phone and letting all his calls go to an answering machine or voicemail?

Set a date for him to come over and pick his shit up. "If your shit isn't gone by March 31, it will be tossed/considered abandoned". If/when he decides to come by, cop or sheriff is required. Set a day time, stuff like Fri thru Sun, 9am to 5pm, between now and Mar 31. Snail mail w/ certified. This guy is fucking nuts.
*snip*

Another great idea! You probably should get legal advice on how to go about this, but definitely worth looking into. It gives him one less excuse to be hanging around.

He definitely sounded pretty ranty in the court session. Here's hoping the officials see him for what he is.

[PepperElf]

ah. michigan makes a big difference when it comes to security then.


I'm glad you were able to get legal help for this. And would also recommend reviewing MI's self-defense laws.

[Seshat]

It's good to know I'm not alone in this. I'm trying to be the strong one in this situation and keep everyone focused and calm, but I'm just as scared as they are...

Sadly, Kisa, you are far, far, far from alone in this.

It's good that the family has someone willing to be strong. But don't be so strong you snap - find someone physically close to you to give you a place to cry and a shoulder to cry on.
You mentioned excellent policing in your area: that suggests that there's almost certainly a victims of crime group, and quite possibly a victims of domestic abuse group. The police will know who they are.
Either type of group is likely to be able to recommend counsellors; whether you're after one to help you heal, or one to simply provide emotional support. Some counsellors work on a sliding 'what you can afford' scale.
Also, both types of group contain people who've been there, done that. Suffered through it, come out the other side.

Some people find their best help, in a situation like this, to come from someone with the technical skills of a counsellor. Others, from someone who's BTDT. Yet others, a mix of both.

We are MORE than happy to listen, be here when you need to rant or cry, and some of ours who've suffered the same thing have probably already PMed you - or will do so.
But my electronic Zen-hugs aren't a proper substitute for a physical shoulder to cry on.

[Aethian]

One idea is to find out what the wire-tapping laws are in your area and record all contact. He's just proven that he is willing to lie and bad at it. If you have immediate proof of lies, he gets shut down.

Can't do that in our state.

[Andara Bledin]

The "get your shit off our property" notice is actually a very good idea.

Check your local laws. From what I understand, most places have a requirement that you send a registered letter, after receipt of which the notified party gets 30 days to collect their shit or it becomes the property of the people who own the land.

But don't take my word for it. Not only am I not a lawyer, but I'm not even in the same state.

^-.-^

[Der Cute]

Set a date for him to come over and pick his shit up. "If your shit isn't gone by March 31, it will be tossed/considered abandoned". If/when he decides to come by, cop or sheriff is required. Set a day time, stuff like Fri thru Sun, 9am to 5pm, between now and Mar 31. Snail mail w/ certified. This guy is fucking nuts.
Your doors/windows/all that crap is changed, and the PPO is ready. Good.
when my ex and I went through the custody crap, we had to really remember: What is best for the child. If there is abuse involved, it may be best to have supervised or NO visitation at all. Or really limited. If a DV is in order, may need some counseling/classes before being deemed able to visit. This stuff varies by state, and it was a class we both had to take, explaining a lot of these things you don't anticipate. School years? Summer? Going out of state? Child support? Birthdays? Going to camp in the summer? Vacations? All that shit, I didn't realize how much there was to think about.

For now, protection: park car in well lit area, if you feel followed, go into a business; put your keys between your fingers, poking out, in case you need to gouge someone.

Let's all hope he trips himself up and gets put in jail. That would be a relief for everyone.

[yeahwhatev]

One idea is to find out what the wire-tapping laws are in your area and record all contact. He's just proven that he is willing to lie and bad at it. If you have immediate proof of lies, he gets shut down.

[Kisa]

The Friend of the Court meeting was a few days ago. Boy was that fun. I went with my mom and sat between them like a referee, making sure he didn't step over the line. Mom told him she was filing a PPO and is moving his stuff out of the house which seems to have scared him into retreating...for now. In the office, he lied his little heart out. When the clerk asked for each of them to say seperately what they want for visitation, Steve blurted out that the two of them agreed on 50-50 custody.

Mom: Um, no we didn't.
Guy: Well, Steve, you tell me what you want, and then Kisa's Mom will tell me what she wants. I take both opinions and my information and give my recommendation for the final court date. So, Steve, what do you want?
S: 50-50.
G: How would you like that? One week with you, one week with Mom?
S: Oh I can't do that! I have a job!
(and then they went back and forth with G making suggestions of how to divide 50-50 and Steve shooting it down because he has a job)
S: Well, I'm so unprepared for this! My wife just kicked me out and I'm trying to get my life in order!
Mom: Yeah, I just kicked you out 4 months ago.
S: Oh, and we agreed that our son will come live with me when he's 13.
Mom: Um, no we didn't.
S: Well! I thought I knew you but I guess I didn't! Here you go changing your mind all over again!!!

So, yep. Fun, fun, fun. He got served his paperwork today and we now have all his stuff in the garage save for a few pieces of furniture. For now, he's stopped calling and texting and now stays in his car when dropping off/picking up my brother. It won't last, but I hope it lasts at least until the court hearing on the 19th...
Thank you all for your help and support. I feel better knowing I have a whole group of people looking out for me. I love you guys

[Kisa]

Locked doors, locked windows. Security screens on doors and windows. (He WILL break a window to come in, if he finds the doors locked to him.)
New keys, of course.

And yes, report his every trespass and harassment to the police, as well as keeping a record of it yourselves.

I don't doubt that for a second... We changed the deadbolts after he left and the windows are always locked. The three of us sat down and agreed to call the cops every time he tries something. From now on, no one has contact with him without a witness nearby.

Make sure his name is off of any and all utility bills, change the locks, secure the windows, and change phone numbers. If the house is a rental - give notice and move without leaving him a forwarding addresses. Have any communication about the child they share go through a lawyer or another third party.
Here's the thing - he KNOWS you folks are afraid of him and is using that to his advantage.

His name is off all but the morgage which we have to wait until the divorce to change. And yes, he knows... Fear is the only thing he has left as ammunition.

First. This is incredibly worrisome. Frankly staying alive is your first priority. It comes before keeping the house or any other consideration.
Please take care of yourself.

We're struggling, but managing...We'll make it through this.

When someone knocks on the door, start asking who it is before you open the door. It prevents him from shoving in if the door is closed and locked.

We have a rather large picture window that lets us see the front door.

Something else you might want to consider is having your mother seek SUPERVISED visitation for the child.

I'm still trying to convince her to do this.

Oh, good lord. Daddy Dearest. I hate guys like this.

First things first; everything starts with your mother. SHE needs to reapply for the restraining order.... And SHE needs to have the fucking locks changed. If she is not willing to do these things, she is enabling this jackass to torture and harass all three of you. I hope for your sake she IS willing to step up and stop letting him push you all around.
...feel absolutely free to PM me.

I went with her a few days ago to reapply. It is being taken to court next week, and he was served with the papers today. The locks have been changed and we are in the process of moving all his belongings into the garage so he won't have any excuse to come in the house.

Kisa, I hope to fuck that your mother never decides to take this fucktard back in order to try to make things better. Trust me - they will NEVER get better because he will feel that he's won and that everybody is too afraid of him to try again. And you know what? He'll be right. Your mother needs to make sure that this excuse for a man cannot get back into the house - I've already listed out what should be done to keep him out and away in a previous post. It's her choice and I hope to hell she makes the right one.

She will not take him back. He is showing his crazy, manipulative, sociopathic true colors and she has my sister and I to help her stay strong in her decisions.

I don't put it past him to TAKE the kid if the visits are not supervised.
Don't buy a gun. Guns are as likely to be used against you if you don't know what you are doing with them.
Or might make things worse. Because this fucker doesn't like to lose and doesn't care what he has to do to get his way.

Neither would I...
We have three guns in the house...they were my Grandpa's. I can't use them, but they are locked up safe where he can't find them even if he does get in...
In the past, he has lied countless times, cheated, stold many things, and more. He will do anything in his power to pummel people into submission. We just have to get someone bigger and more powerful to make the risk greater than the reward. A.K.A the police.

Depending on the neighborhood, breaking glass tends to draw a lot more attention than having a door kicked in, so if money is tight, I'd beef up the door first.

We live in a quiet community with a top notch police force. There's a cop at every corner and then some. I don't doubt that him breaking in would have police there in a heartbeat.

*hugs Kisa*

All I have are screamy rants. Just know you're not the only one who's had this happen.

It's good to know I'm not alone in this. I'm trying to be the strong one in this situation and keep everyone focused and calm, but I'm just as scared as they are...