Moving Out

[KhirasHY]

Last month I picked up Fire Emblem

God I love that game. Take that, foul minions of Grima!

[taxguykarl]

I've been hearing it since, about how I'm a terrible person for buying a video game during this tough time.

OK, I'll bite: what business is it of hers? Unless you've been hitting her up for a bailout...very unlikely, I know. If you were doing like one of my nieces and hitting grandma up for rent money while sporting a new tattoo every month and posting FB pics of yourself clubbing, that would be valid.

[Aethian]

What I find funny is you say that they haven't stepped on your toes too much when you moved back into their house...stomping on their feet. Did you have a planned date on when you were going to move out? Cause that could be the reason that the rent is going up...they are trying to kick you back out of the nest and off their toes.

[customersruinmylife]

What I find funny is you say that they haven't stepped on your toes too much when you moved back into their house...stomping on their feet. Did you have a planned date on when you were going to move out? Cause that could be the reason that the rent is going up...they are trying to kick you back out of the nest and off their toes.

Nope there is no planned date at all. I'm not sure if they know anymore. Maybe my brother kept his mouth shut after all. All I know is that I could be moving in as little as two weeks or at the most two months. It just depends on how long it takes CW's mum to move away

[Aethian]

Nope there is no planned date at all. I'm not sure if they know anymore. Maybe my brother kept his mouth shut after all. All I know is that I could be moving in as little as two weeks or at the most two months. It just depends on how long it takes CW's mum to move away

I was talking about a planned move out date when you moved back in. I'm sure you and them didn't plan on the move back in to be a permenate thing. Which could account for the raise in rent, the attempt in grounding, the tensions that have been brewing.

Please don't think that I'm against needing to move back home at all. I've had to do it myself but I think what kept the tension down for Mom and I was that I had a time limit. It was literally the difference of one lease ending and waiting for the next one to start.

When there is no plan on getting back on ones feet I see and hear how frustrated the parents get. I think several people know that I listen to a financial guy on the radio who takes calls from people. Sometimes it's a parent whose trying to figure out the best way to help their kid and the first question is almost, "Was there a planned move out date?" It's become sad at how many parents are almost too willing to open their doors and then get resentful of their kids because they just aren't moving out again. I recall one person whose daughter got so used to being home that the parent was willing to move out of their house just so that they could get some peace and quiet. I believe the radio host told them to tell her she has 30 days but you could hear it in the parents voice, they had just given up. On my route this has even happened and the kid/grandkids have now trashed a once beautiful house just cause a few months have now turned into a few years. The grandkids even once told me that they allow their grandparents to live with them.

[PepperElf]

We still haven't been able to have our proper discussion yet though, so I will bring up things like leases etc when I see him. I haven't worked at the pub in ages (my choice, not theirs) so we've never been free at the same time.

Indeed, another vote for "have a lease" - simply cos it protects both of you.

Which could account for the raise in rent, the attempt in grounding, the tensions that have been brewing.

That's a good point. When I got out of the Navy I moved back home for a bit (almost 5 months) - and it was not comfortable for any of us really. Although my parents were going to miss me when I moved out, they were glad to have me go too.

[Kheldarson]

Which could account for the raise in rent, the attempt in grounding, the tensions that have been brewing.

Except he indicated in the OP that the last time he was looking into a place, his parents started undermining his decision.

Maybe it's more about his parents wanting control? Force the rent up, he can't afford to move out if we don't help him. Ground him, he can't go look for new housing.

Just a thought without more family dynamics.

[Aethian]

Maybe it's more about his parents wanting control? Force the rent up, he can't afford to move out if we don't help him. Ground him, he can't go look for new housing.

Maybe, just going on what I've seen some parents get really un-parent like when they want the kids gone. Granted my ex's parents were completely awesome at having the kids home. But I've also seen where the kids have just taken over and it's then the parents either snap or roll over. I just have a feeling that CRML's patents have been getting closer to the snapping range.

[PepperElf]

Except he indicated in the OP that the last time he was looking into a place, his parents started undermining his decision.

That's a point to consider - are they trying to squash his attempts to move, or are they concerned about how it will turn out?

I know, for example, when I've considered getting roommates before my Mom pretty much said, "You know that won't work out for you." ... not because she was trying to poop on my parade, but because she knew it was the truth. I'm not a neat person. I'd drive a roommate insane. (hell I drive my BF insane too!)

[customersruinmylife]

I think it's a lot to do with them trying to undermine and put me off moving: here is my latest example.

My brother has turned up at my parents for a "visit" (he is unemployed and his visits tend to last for months) In the past hour I have had "I don't think this is right for you..." "I haven't said a word to mum or dad but..." and "Is this what you REALLY want in your long term future???"

So I basically think he is acting as a mouthpiece.

The amount of money it would cost me to live at CW's is EXACTLY the same if I was to stay with my parents, so what difference does it make? I am now convinced it is to do with control issues. There is a lot of tension in the air like I've never felt before at the minute.

I am awaiting a few more details from CW. The only details I am waiting for are regarding furniture and what his mum is going to take when she moves out so I know what I need to buy when I go. Once I get that I will make the dramatic announcement.

[almigi]

If I were in your shoes, I'd move out too. Your parents seem to take it for granted that you'll fail, and that's really a shame. If I were you, I'd tell them that while I loved them and am grateful for all they have done for me, I'm not a child and I don't want to live like one anymore. If they (parents and brother) keep saying things about you not being able to make it outside of their house, you can simply reply with something like this (whether you meant it or not... at least this will keep you looking like the bigger man), "I truly believe you are concerned for me and I truly believe you believe that you have my best interests in mind, but please understand that my mind is made up and I am capable of learning from past mistakes."

[KhirasHY]

Once I get that I will make the dramatic announcement.

"Bye!"

My record for a moveout, with the help of several friends who I paid with delicious food, was 90 minutes (counting moving the stuff in). Showed up with the truck, moved everything in, bugged out and sailed for glory If they are being a pain now, I can only imagine what they're going to do when you try to leave...so make sure you're ready to make it quick, then it's just like pulling off a band-aid. Except with a lot more movement involved.

Hopefully they don't try to interfere with the move itself, but be ready for anything, and just ignore them if they try. After all, it's YOUR life for a reason

[KatherineB]

I will make the dramatic announcement.

Why bother with the dramatic announcement? Just start slipping things into conversation like 'oh, that store has X on sale. I might pop in and have a look in case they suit the place I'm sharing with [friend].' See what the reaction is. It can't be more explosive than if you do a dramatic announcement.

[MaseMan]

Weird. Most parents WANT their kids to move out by the time they're in their mid 20's. I wonder if your parents expect you to be the one to stay around and take care of their needs when they reach old age.

[almigi]

Weird. Most parents WANT their kids to move out by the time they're in their mid 20's. I wonder if your parents expect you to be the one to stay around and take care of their needs when they reach old age.

I know someone (not really a friend, more of a friend of a friend) who is in a similar situation. He's at an age where most parent's would want him to "leave the nest," but his mother seems to want him to stay. I don't know him that well, so everything I know is what is told to me, but from what I've been told, his mother puts him down a lot and seems to crush any plans he has to ever move out.

Without knowing this guy that well I don't know the whole story, only the perspective of the person who told me about his situation.